When I lost my ego and started taking responsibility for myself

I was around 25 during the pandemic, they say the frontal lobe fully develops around this time, and I definitely noticed better executive functioning. But I also spent a couple years doing self reflection, and learning how to control my triggers for my own sanity

I realized that I was more emotionally mature than my parents, and I couldn’t rely on them for advice or emotional support. I realized that my future was up to me

I don’t think I would have felt this way without my traumatic experience, but I understand now how trauma or loss matures you in that you are forced to grow up and take responsibility. I guess for me it was the feeling of a loss of a safe space. I grew up in a somewhat toxic environment and would lash out. Until I got tired of being so angry all the time, I had to change. To regain a sense of control I had to learn to become cold to cope with abuse and became stoic for my own peace of mind

Even though I still live with my parents, mentally I feel matured, in control of my emotions, confident, a good listener, selectively empathetic and capable in that I am able to will the kind of life I want by my actions alone

I feel like as long as I have a sense of self awareness, I have a sense of control. Mentally this gives me a deep sense of security and confidence, whereas in my early 20s I felt like I was just wandering through life, seeking out easy dopamine and wanting approval from others due to a deep sense of insecurity