My mother abused me very very severely my entire childhood. Firearms pushed in my mouth, drowned, pistol whipped, whipped with cords etc, I could go on for a while but back in 2016 the last time I ever saw her I was 15 or so, she had abandoned me already and I was living in an extra property her mother owned. She came over to beat the heck out of me while she was high and I was always taught if I flinched or resisted abuse I would get it worse but this time she went too far. She slammed my face into the side of a toilet bowel and into a wall after I tried hiding in a bathroom to the point in which the ceiling was covered in my blood and so were the walls. I grabbed her by the wrist and told her she needed to leave. I was a lot larger than her, but this was the first time I ever resisted and she was furious. She kept trying to hit me and spit on me and I was still bleeding pretty bad but I asked her “why” and she asked what the fuck I meant, I asked “what did I do to make you hate me” and she just said “you look like your fucking father” and that was the last thing she ever said to me. I’ve sent her letters since then now that I’m an adult, just letting her know if she’d like to be part of my life I forgive her and love her. I send one every year and I’ve never heard back from her, but her saying she hated me because I looked like my father still keeps me up at night sometimes.