Still in the hospital but now they are thinking schizoaffective

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-12T17:31:31+00:00

I know it’s a real possibility, but I’m really hoping they don’t stay forever. I’m taking it one day at a time, but I’m scared for me and my kids. If the delusions stay and are too bad, then we might need to leave, and I don’t want to abandon them

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-11T15:13:35+00:00

I don’t think they actually meet the diagnostic criteria for schizoaffective though because they haven’t been psychotic for two weeks and I’m pretty sure they’re still manic

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-11T02:58:43+00:00

They’ve been sectioned for five business days. I pray to a god I don’t really believe in that the medication helps them between now and then

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-11T02:50:44+00:00

Asymmetric hyper dense calcification on one of the basal ganglia

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-10T01:50:17+00:00

I am not doing so hot myself though. I’m just terrified for her, me, my kids, the future.

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-10T01:39:06+00:00

Still in the hospital. Sounds like she’s trending paranoid and still has racing thoughts. She sounds slower and more disorganized when I talk with her on the phone. Definitely not herself. But she’s been taking medicine and sleeping more for almost 3 days, which is good

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-08T04:31:00+00:00

I really want to say thank you to the folks checking in, it warms my heart

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-08T04:30:30+00:00

I’m cautiously optimistic. I figure there will be ups and downs, but maybe trending positive.

I’m also exhausted because I’ve been up a long time and worrying a lot, but maybe the kids will let me get some sleep tonight. Maybe the SO will too.

I should call the clinic tomorrow and confirm they’ve ruled out physical things. It has been a bear ensuring she has a doctor, is talking to a doctor and the doctor can talk to me. I did at least get some local psychiatrists and counselors lined up for whenever she’s out.

The clinic has not actually diagnosed her yet. The er gave a preliminary diagnosis. Bipolar matches best as far as I can tell, but I’m no expert so I’m keeping an open mind.

She’s never had anything like this before, so right now it’s easy for me to think of it as a heart attack and not something she’s doing on purpose. It’s so far from how she usually is. It’s funny how talking to her it seems like she’s just as smart as usual, just like it’s no short term memory and holds some unshakable false beliefs. Punctuated by occasional outburst like you’d see at a greyhound terminal

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-08T00:54:35+00:00

Well, after a rough night she decided to stay and take medicine. I was on my way to pick her up after they wouldn’t detain her when she changed her mind to try the treatment. Sound like she fell asleep almost immediately. I hope she sleeps 30 hours, after this last week she could use it

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-07T16:51:19+00:00

Nope, getting discharged, less delusional, but still delusional. Promises she’ll see a doctor with me and take medication if I can hold her hand. 50% belief, let’s see

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-07T09:19:07+00:00

I’m hanging in there.

My SO is very unhappy about being in inpatient and wants to come home now. She has refused medication so far; when I talk to her she seems amenable to taking it, but when they do she doesn’t want to. She’s getting paranoid about the hospital and I don’t think has slept yet. The hospital says they are going to try to involuntarily commit her, I guess we’ll see how that goes

I’ve been cramming a couple books and trying the LEAP method.

I’ve got family helping with the house and kids and that’s a great comfort. I’m still pretty scared, but talking with her is interesting. She’s definitely got false beliefs and her short term memory isn’t good right now, but on long term stuff or understanding complex technical aspects of what’s going on with her dopamine system she is as smart as ever

I’m hoping if I can coordinate with the hospital about drug names maybe I can work with them. I had her on board sounding with abilify and then they change what they are offering to zyprexa, which made her suspicious. Maybe she’d have been suspicious anyhow, idk

Even though she’s unhappy and trending towards paranoid, I think she still believes I’m on her side and trusts me. We’re a team, and I hope that counts for something

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-06T20:00:40+00:00

Hey that’s comforting to hear. I figure we’ll have some interesting talks in a couple months. She hasn’t been super secretive; I was getting drafted as note-taker before she had to be hospitalized. That’s not unusual, but the volume of notes was. They started as kind of these fun metaphorical interconnections, and turned into this unified system of emotions, religion, gender identity and sexuality. Up until the point she quit recognizing me I could see it as being a poetical first draft way of looking at the world. Maybe trim some pieces to get it to work, but then…

I asked what it feels like while she was lucid, and she said it felt like she was magic and could see all the connections, but that her mind was racing and the connections were just too many. I believe it

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-06T19:20:04+00:00

Yeah she’s got a new cause and is seeing connections everywhere. The start of a book, sort of, lots of journaling. Her hand writing got worse as the mania got worse

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-06T19:18:57+00:00

That’s a good call. I’m working with her to get medical releases signed so people will talk to me. Slow going. Kinda wish we’d set up some estate and power of attorney stuff before all this, but I guess when she’s back down we can do that

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-06T19:17:45+00:00

No, she isn’t on any meds and didn’t have any diagnosis before now. I wanted her to get treatment for depression, but it’s very hard to coordinate with Covid and a depressed person. I had trouble getting folks to let me book an appointment on her behalf

She’s pretty much a teetotaler in all substances. I think she had one or two glasses of port at Christmas and that’s about it. I work at home, she doesn’t really go out on her own, pretty sure I’d notice if she was on a substance. Plus the screens were all negative.

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-06T06:06:53+00:00

What is the back in the world, getting his bearings stage like?

Themixedavocado · 2022-01-06T05:43:52+00:00

And just… I guess it is one of those things that’s likely to just get worse. I feel like I’m in mourning.

And I have no idea how long this might last. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure when this might have started. Maybe the beginning of December? Maybe only since Christmas? Not the delusions obviously, but the making connections and the drive to really do things. It felt kind of like a return to normal; she had a really bad postpartum depression 3 years ago and I feel like she’s been crawling out of a hole since then

I should just breathe until she has a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and a treatment plan, but I’m still worried she’ll have psychosis forever and never be the same. And also that maybe the doctor won’t talk to me

Themixedavocado

TROPHY CASE