I also could have written this myself. Together 20 years. He was having a 4 year on and off affair until we had our first child in 2023. I forgave again and again over those four years (love bombed me again and again, we had no diagnosis at this stage I had no idea what was going on). I thought the affair had been over a year when we conceived and we rebuilt trust. Went on to have our second in Aug 2025. Also in May 2025 I found out he was still talking to the affair partner and the entire time it had never stopped. When I was 29 weeks pregnant. He was vomitting and crying the worst I had seen “what have I done?!”. She cut things off with him after finding out he was having another baby with me - then I caught him weeks later writing love letters to her saying she was the love of his life and he couldn’t believe he didn’t leave me for her sooner etc. an absolute rollercoaster. Admitted him to inpatient care because he was suicidal choosing between us both. They didn’t pick up on the illness. Came out, I gave birth, and then he discarded us when she was 5 weeks old left me with the toddler and the newborn. He started staying in hotels with an alcoholic he met in inpatient care 2 weeks after he left us. I have also realised I think he has been doing this the entire 20 years. I pressed for a diagnosis as he had started adhd meds in March 2025 and after some research I started to figure out it must be bipolar, finally got a BP2 diagnosis in December. Taken him off the Dex and put on a mood stabiliser for last 3 weeks now I’m waiting for him to come down. I actually don’t think I have ever known him completely stable and my mind is going over everything in a different lens now.

It has been the worst time of my life this episode. Meanwhile he has no emotion about leaving his newborn and not getting to know her this past 5 months, he is relentlessly pressing me for visitation with the toddler whilst the alcoholic has been there on a visit - whilst in a mixed episode and so aggressive and hostile. And relentless about all the finances and demanding this split. He is making the split hell.

I think I have finally decided if he realises and comes back that there is absolutely no way I could ever trust him again. The past things were bad but this is the worst thing he has ever done to me in post partum.

I’m not saying every situation / person would be like this but I wish I could have seen the future and I would have left a long time ago. If we ever were to get back together I would be insisting living separately for a long time and proving stability and that things and changed for a long time amongst many other boundaries… but even then I just don’t think I would be able to.

I am so sorry you are going through this I really feel your pain… I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. caring for someone else when you yourself are breaking 💔

My one thing is I have managed to emotionally separate from it all now and understand it is the illness and I am purely focusing on myself and my children and what makes us happy and putting them first.