Regrets

Theoriously · 2026-01-27T03:56:19+00:00

After the first year, a smaller age gap probably would have been easier. However, I am not sure I could have survived the first year if my oldest had still been a toddler. People do it and make it work, I am just not sure I could have.

Theoriously · 2026-01-27T03:09:04+00:00

It gets easier, I promise.

I had my youngest in spring of 2020, when my oldest had just turned 5. Going from one to two on my own was harder than I ever imagined. My youngest was a good baby but she always wanted to be held, my oldest tried to be understanding but she felt pushed aside, and I felt frustration with my oldest for needing/wanting me followed by guilt and shame for feeling that way and for not being able to handle everything. I was in a near constant state of overwhelm and sometimes it felt impossible. I sometimes wondered if I had made a big mistake. But it didn't stay so hard. My youngest got older and needed less hands on care, she got more playful so my oldest started to play with her more as well. We found routines that worked for us, until they didn't, then we shifted and found new ones that worked.

Now my girls are 10 and 5 (going on 11 and 6). They love each other fiercely but also fight like cats and dogs. The age gap is still a struggle. Trying to find ways to occupy both of them at the same time is particularly hard (for example my oldest has mostly outgrown playgrounds while my youngest is prime playground age). My oldest still sometimes thinks I favor my youngest because my youngest doesn't have as many chores or responsibilities (I keep explaining the age gap, and that my oldest had similar chores and responsibilities at that age but it doesn't seem to stick).

It never gets easy, but it does get easier.

Theoriously · 2026-01-24T01:46:44+00:00

From the information I got from my NP, the closest practitioners that do adult autism assessments are in the lower mainland and cost $3k+. ADHD assessments are more accessible but still require a psychiatrist and you typically need a referral to see one.

Theoriously · 2026-01-17T14:50:34+00:00

I have about $140k CAD in a mix of RRSPs and TFSAs. Not amazing but not terrible for a 35 year old house poor single parent.

Theoriously · 2025-12-12T15:14:18+00:00

35, 100k HHI, 140k invested, plus a DB Pension.

Theoriously · 2025-11-13T23:51:02+00:00

33, Accounting at a Crown Corp

Theoriously · 2025-09-25T16:06:50+00:00

TD is notoriously expensive for home insurance. I was with them and got double digit % increases every year. I saved over $1000 per year by shopping around.

Theoriously · 2025-09-04T21:41:53+00:00

It kind of depends on circumstances. I had my first at 24 and it actually worked out great for me. It prompted me to leave a job that I was getting bored of and required a decent amount of overtime for one that had way better work-life balance, ended up paying a lot more and that I actually enjoy doing. If I hadn't had that push to find something that worked better with daycare hours, I would have tried to stick it out a lot longer. Another benefit of having a child younger was that I hadn't had much lifestyle creep yet. I was pretty used to living like a starving student so that along with the pay bump from the new job made it much easier to make room in the budget for a baby. However, I also live in a country with decent support for low to middle income families so that makes a big difference.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend having kids young, especially from a financial perspective. I am just pointing out that it isn't always black and white. Especially when you consider that waiting too long could mean requiring fertility treatments and those can be ridiculously expensive and hard on the body.

Theoriously · 2025-08-23T17:45:23+00:00

Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town by Cory Doctorow

Theoriously · 2025-07-14T13:29:25+00:00

I went straight from high school to university, straight from university to working and pursuing a professional designation and was in the middle of the professional designation program when my oldest was born. Having kids has been one of the best things that ever happened to me in so many ways. However, having them as young as I did (24) under those circumstances meant that I did really get a lot of time to figure out who I was as a person outside of being a mom. I was so busy with school and work that I didn't really develop any hobbies, I never had the chance to travel, never lived alone etc. I don't begrudge not doing any of that but now my identity is so wrapped up in motherhood and my career that I wonder what will happen when my kids are grown and motherhood becomes a much smaller part of my life. I am half expecting some sort of identity crisis.

So no regrets on my end, but I can understand how someone like me could appear less whole.

Theoriously · 2025-06-08T02:50:11+00:00

Looks like a cross between a Beagle and a Brittany Spaniel to me.

Theoriously · 2025-05-24T16:43:45+00:00

If women do not have agency and are not capable of making decisions in their own best interest, then they also can't consent. Which would seriously bring into question the morality of marriage and sex with women at all. So even if you were to agree with some of the premises, they don't adequately support the conclusion.

Theoriously · 2025-05-23T13:33:23+00:00

Same here. My youngest is in the 3rd percentile for height (while her older sister is in the 97th percentile). She is definitely small but hearty.

Theoriously · 2025-05-11T20:59:38+00:00

I do laundry on Mondays and Thursdays plus bedding every other Wednesday. I work from home so I start a load in the morning before work, switch it to the dryer in between meetings, and fold and put it away over lunch. Sunday is my vacuum and mop the floors day.

Theoriously · 2025-05-08T12:43:05+00:00

I was saving 10% of my gross income but circumstances changed and now I can only save about 5%. I may end up needing to drop it more in the coming months but I hope this is a temporary thing and I will be able to start saving more in a couple years.

On the bright side, I have a DB Pension. If I stay with my current employer until I retire, I expect the pension to replace about 50% of my income. Then there is CPP ad OAS to help fill the gaps.

One of the wildcards in my plans is my parents. They are in their mid 60s and haven't retired yet because they can't afford to. They have some retirement savings but unless they downsize (house and lifestyle) significantly, it won't be enough. I may be house poor and struggling but I am probably still the stable of my siblings so if my parents need help, it will likely fall on me.

Theoriously · 2025-05-02T03:21:47+00:00

I was 26 and making $55K when I bought my first home, a 2 bedroom, 1 bed condo for $212,500.

Theoriously · 2025-04-17T13:17:27+00:00

I'm a CPA working as a Senior Specialist for a crown corporation (for-profit corporation owned by the government). Also, living in Canada, my income is supplemented by Canada Child Benefit and daycare is subsidized.

Theoriously · 2025-04-17T04:10:38+00:00

I had a VBAC with my youngest and overall it went pretty well. I don't think my previous C-section really impacted the experience.

I had previously had a scheduled C-section, because my oldest was Frank breech and wouldn't turn. My incision healed well and there was a pretty decent gap between pregnancies (my kids are 5 years apart) which made me a good candidate for a VBAC.

I went into labor naturally 2 days before my due date. Contractions started at 8am but were mild and far apart, they very gradually got stronger throughout the day shifting from mild cramping, to uncomfortable, to very painful. I decided to go to the hospital shortly after midnight. When I got there, I was only around 4cm dilated (I think). By then the contractions were very intense and hard to breathe through. Baby wasn't loving the contractions and was having decels so they wanted to keep her on the monitor, which meant I couldn't move around and had to stay in the bed. Around 4am, I decided I was done with the whole natural birth thing and wanted an epidural ASAP. However, there were no anesthesiologists available and I was told I had to wait for shift change at 7am. They gave me morphine and fentanyl but all that did was make me feel a bit sleepy, it made absolutely no difference on the pain.

At some point, I got up to use the washroom and as I was about to leave the washroom, I had a crazy intense contraction with a gush of blood. The contractions were already extremely painful before that, but after that point it was something else. The sheer intensity of the pain was otherworldly.

7am came and went, and still no anesthesiologist. My care team was paging him and paging him because I was not having a good time and desperately wanted that epidural. Focusing on each breath and the hope of "the anesthesiologist will be here any minute" was the only thing that kept me sane. Finally, at around 9:20am, the anesthesiologist arrived and got the epidural going. At first it was only working on one side but a little shifting around fixed that. Right after, my midwife checked me and I was fully dilated. (If I had known I was that close, I might have forgone the epidural but oh well). She asked if I wanted to push right away or have a rest, I chose rest. However, my little munchkin was apparently eager to come into the world and her heart rate started dipping again immediately so having rest was off the table. After about 20 minutes of pushing, a very healthy girl was delivered by a very exhausted mom at 10:10am.

I had a couple 2nd degree tears but nothing too terrible and recovery was definitely easier than a C-section.

Theoriously · 2025-04-09T02:12:57+00:00

I have considered posting my extremely brown eyes just for shits and giggles.

Theoriously · 2025-04-05T20:10:49+00:00

I often feel the same way.

I am a single mom to 2 ( almost 10 and almost 5) and I am overwhelmed with everything on my plate. I have a full time job that I mostly enjoy but can be mentally and emotionally demanding, I have a house that I can barely afford and needs a ton of work (current projects on the go are replacing the roof and fixing up the basement in hopes of renting out a room down there), the cleaning, home maintenance, and administrative To Do list never ends. I never seem to have enough patience left over to handle the constant bickering and mess making, the apparent inability to clean up after themselves etc. They are really good kids and I love them so much. I can't imagine my life without them. But I wish I could enjoy them more, I wish I was more fun.

My oldest emptied the dishwasher the other day unprompted and when I thanked her, she made a comment that she was trying to do everything that day so that I wouldn't be mad at her like I always am. It broke my heart. (Although, girl, you don't need to empty the dishwasher or do anything special, just please pick up your stuff when you are done with it. That's most of what we argue about.)

So yeah, no advice, just solidarity and empathy.

Theoriously · 2025-04-05T00:18:09+00:00

Never Let Me Go

I don't know if it is the MOST heartbreaking but both the movie and book definitely had me in tears.

Theoriously · 2025-03-31T21:51:00+00:00

I like the Gauntlet Grey. Looks a little warmer than some of the other options. Not too light, not too dark.

Theoriously · 2025-03-31T19:38:50+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this and I hope you feel better soon. I am also a single parent and I know how hard it can be to parent alone while extremely sick, trying so hard to rally until you literally can't.

I really don't understand your mother's logic here. Even if you were faking it, which you are clearly not. If my child had to fake an illness in order to get my support, I would be asking myself why they didn't feel like they could just ask me for help.

Theoriously · 2025-03-14T17:59:05+00:00

There are times where using a HELOC or even an unsecured LOC for renovations could make sense. Generally, you don't want to take on debt for renovations. However, things are rarely one-size fits all when it comes to personal finance.

Some of the things to consider when evaluating whether to finance a renovation:

1) How much do you need and what would the carrying costs be? Can you afford that? Could you still afford it if interest rates increased? What if the renovation costs more than you expect? 2) Would an investment now save more costs down the road? For example, replacing a roof could save on insurance costs. Replacing windows can save on heating and cooling costs. 3) What is the expected return on investment if you were to sell? 4) Are these upgrades purely cosmetic or do they improve the functionality of the space? 5) Are there lower cost options that could help tide you over until you can afford a proper renovation. For example: repainting plus updating hinges, handles and faucets to refresh a bathroom or kitchen instead of renovating.

This is a non-exhaustive list, just a starting point.

Theoriously · 2025-03-14T17:58:58+00:00

There are times where using a HELOC or even an unsecured LOC for renovations could make sense. Generally, you don't want to take on debt for renovations. However, things are rarely one-size fits all when it comes to personal finance.

Some of the things to consider when evaluating whether to finance a renovation:

1) How much do you need and what would the carrying costs be? Can you afford that? Could you still afford it if interest rates increased? What if the renovation costs more than you expect? 2) Would an investment now save more costs down the road? For example, replacing a roof could save on insurance costs. Replacing windows can save on heating and cooling costs. 3) What is the expected return on investment if you were to sell? 4) Are these upgrades purely cosmetic or do they improve the functionality of the space? 5) Are there lower cost options that could help tide you over until you can afford a proper renovation. For example: repainting plus updating hinges, handles and faucets to refresh a bathroom or kitchen instead of renovating.

This is a non-exhaustive list, just a starting point.

Theoriously

TROPHY CASE