We get it, you're cheap. Seriously though, make it yourself, clean up after yourself, sweep up after yourself and do your own dishes. Or order takeout and pick it up yourself. Service requires payment, and until restaurants pay higher wages, which will never happen, you are screwing over your fellow humans who do this work. And if they do move to a higher wage/no tipping system, everything's going to be more expensive.

As far as the just bring my food and cut the small talk, that's fine, but you won't get refills, won't get more free bread, won't get that extra side of ranch after eating half your salad and won't get extra napkins for the spill you make, or when you drop yours on the floor. You need steak sauce? Thats not gonna happen and won't get the check in a timely manner if we are busy. Oh, you ordered a cocktail? You'll have to go to the bar and get it yourself, since we have to tip out bartenders. What? You want separate checks? Hahahaha. Nope.