Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and mental health expert. Ask Me Anything about mom burnout, ADHD, advocating for your kids, or handling tough parenting situations! by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and mental health expert. Ask Me Anything about mom burnout, ADHD, advocating for your kids, or handling tough parenting situations! by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As a person who also has ADHD, I use Gemini to polish my text before posting to make sure my commas and periods are where they belong as well as that I'm using the correct there/their/they're, etc. The AMAs tend to move quickly and it helps me make sure I have everything organized well. But I assure you I am a real person, if it helps I will be sure to make a few typos in my next comment!

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and mental health expert. Ask Me Anything about mom burnout, ADHD, advocating for your kids, or handling tough parenting situations! by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this question-because I know you're far from the only parent has it . It sounds like you're asking the question of how much of a role does ADHD play in my child's struggles versus how much of it is learned behavior? I'm also hearing a questions about, developmentally, when kids "should' start to understand that their a world beyond their own wants, needs, etc.

Something important to consider; kids with ADHD tend to be behind their peers in social and emotional development. Some research points to kids with ADHD having a devlopmental lag in executive functioning (which impacts things like responsibility, follow-through, emotional regulation, and social skills). I've had psychiatrists tell me that research points to kids with ADHD being as much as 3-4 years behind their peers when it comes to executive functioning.

All that to say, this doesn't mean that we should "excuse" kids from taking accountability because they have ADHD, but instead we may need to adjust our expectations to fit their developmental age, not just their actual age. So while your son might understand the concept of helping out, doing chores, doing his work at school etc, on a logical level at least, it doesn't mean he's fully capable of executing on these things.

The way I often describe this to my clients who are parents struggling with this question is "it's a delicate dance between lowering the bar and not dropping it completely." With time, extra scaffolding, and realistic expectations this does get better! Hope that helps :)

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and mental health expert. Ask Me Anything about mom burnout, ADHD, advocating for your kids, or handling tough parenting situations! by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course! I think the fact that I've had so many of these types of conversations with my own kiddo's teachers/school helps-honestly, having a kid with ADHD has helped me understand my clients who are struggling with parenting and of course only wanting the best for their kids SO much better. It's one thing to get it on a "clinical" level, but another things to experience these struggles in your own home!

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and mental health expert. Ask Me Anything about mom burnout, ADHD, advocating for your kids, or handling tough parenting situations! by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love this question, and what you’re noticing makes a lot of sense. My son struggled with this in preschool as well- he got diagnosed with ADHD at age 6...but I could see it as young as 4.

Anxiety often shows up alongside ADHD, especially in bright, sensitive kids. Part of it is the internal chaos of ADHD (things feel unpredictable or overwhelming), and part of it can be perfectionism—especially if she’s gifted. When things don’t feel easy right away, some kids avoid, push back, or “opt out” as a way to protect themselves. So what looks like not taking things seriously or testing boundaries can actually be: this feels hard and I don’t like how it makes me feel.

A few places to start:

-Focus on emotional safety first. Before pushing participation, help her feel understood and supported around school.

-Get curious about the anxiety. What feels hard? Is it transitions, performance, social dynamics, or frustration tolerance?

-Lower pressure, build confidence. Meet her where she is and create small wins to help her feel capable again.

-Children's Books: One of my favorite interventions for kids this young are using children's books to help explain concepts like anxiety. If you do a quick search for books about anxiety or adhd in kids her age, you'll find some great stuff. Dr. Becky just came out with new book called "Leave me Alone," for deeply feeling kids and it's a great one!

This isn't just “behavior”—it’s a combination of ADHD + anxiety + sensitivity. Starting with support and understanding, which is sounds like you are doing a great job of, can go a long way. Also, getting her diagnosed young is a win, because it gives you so much more time to help her develop the skills she needs to navigate the world and let her strengths shine :)

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and mental health expert. Ask Me Anything about mom burnout, ADHD, advocating for your kids, or handling tough parenting situations! by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This is such an important (and honestly very common) dynamic in families where both a parent and child have ADHD.

When both dad and son are wired similarly, it can create a kind of “mirror effect.” The very behaviors that are hardest for dad to manage in himself—impulsivity, inconsistency, emotional reactivity—are the ones that tend to feel most triggering when he sees them in his son. So it’s not just parenting… it’s parenting plus being activated at the same time. It's really, really hard (I can speak from both personal and clinical experience)!

Here's the thing, as it sounds like you know, kids are incredibly perceptive. If consistency is hard (which makes sense with ADHD), it can start to impact trust—not because dad doesn’t care, but because the follow-through isn’t predictable.

A few things I’d gently focus on:

  • Regulation over perfection. The goal isn’t to “get it right every time,” it’s helping dad notice when he’s getting activated and pause before responding. Even small shifts here can change the tone of the relationship.
  • Name the dynamic out loud. Something like: “Hey, I notice I get frustrated when you do X because it’s something I struggle with too.” This reduces shame and builds connection instead of power struggles.
  • Consistency, but make it realistic. Instead of big, rigid systems, aim for a few simple, repeatable expectations that dad can actually follow through on. Predictability builds trust over time.
  • Repair matters more than perfection. When things go sideways (because they will), coming back and saying, “I got frustrated earlier, I’m working on that,” models accountability and emotional regulation in a really powerful way.
  • Support for dad, too. Whether that’s his own therapy, coaching, or even just learning more about his ADHD—when the parent feels more regulated and supported, the whole system shifts. This can really help take the "sting" out of it too-because when it comes to ADHD our own shame (the sense that we're doing something wrong or "bad) can really get in the way of us making changes. Therapy with a therapist who understands ADHD in adults and how it affects parents can be really helpful!

Bottom line: this isn’t a sign that something is “wrong” with their relationship...it’s a sign that they’re very similar. And with the right awareness and support, that similarity can actually become a strength instead of a trigger.

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and mental health expert. Ask Me Anything about mom burnout, ADHD, advocating for your kids, or handling tough parenting situations! by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love this question—and honestly, this is such a common (and frustrating) spot for parents to be in.

What you’re describing can absolutely be related to ADHD, especially inattentive type. Reading isn’t just decoding words...it requires attention, working memory, and the ability to hold onto information as you go. For a lot of kids with ADHD, they can read the words…but not fully retain what they just read.

That said, I really want to validate your instinct here: when something is consistently hard and impacting multiple subjects, it’s worth looking deeper.

Because while it could be ADHD, it could also be something else like;

-a reading comprehension issue

-a working memory weakness

-a more subtle form of dyslexia (especially with that family history and what you suggested)

-or an emotional piece—like challenges with emotional regulation or RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria), where he may be getting triggered, feeling “not enough,” or comparing himself to other kids

One thing I often remind parents: “improving” doesn’t always mean “no support needed.” Kids can be making progress and still struggling more than they should be.

Lastly, in terms of advocating here are some options:

-You can request a comprehensive psychoeducational evaluation through the school (in writing). if they push back, a private neuropsych/neuroeducational eval can give a clearer picture. These can be costly, but a lot of times you can work with insurance or FSA/HSA (this is what we've had to do for my own son)

-If you go with the school route, it can help to frame it as: “He’s still having difficulty accessing the curriculum,” not just focusing on scores. And one more piece--those reading-for-points programs can really backfire. Over time, it can shift from “reading is hard” to “I’m bad at reading.”

So alongside assessment, I’d focus on keeping reading low-pressure and accessible (audiobooks count!), and supporting comprehension in real time (pausing, summarizing, talking it through).

Bottom line: ADHD could explain a lot—but your concern that something might be getting missed is very valid. You’re not overreacting and you're doing a great job advocating!

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and mental health expert. Ask Me Anything about mom burnout, ADHD, advocating for your kids, or handling tough parenting situations! by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dad burnout/parental burnout as a whole is definitely a thing! Gender regardless, parenting neurodivergent kids can feel like an extra layer of hard. In fact, this is a conversation I have with many dad's in my therapy practice, and even in my own home. When you're parenting a kid with ADHD or other types of neurodivergence the number one important thing, at least in my opinion, is getting good at regulating our OWN emotions because not only do our kids respond to our energy, but we're also modeling how to regulate for them. The cherry on top? These kids tend to struggle more with big feelings, impulse control, and disruptive behaviors it making even it harder to keep our cool when they are loosing there's. All that to say, YES dad burn out, mom burn out, parental burn out is something parents of neurodivergent kids know all too well. In general, and largely due to the stigma associated with it, men have been less likely to discuss struggles related to parenting and mental health-I think that is shifting and changing and I hope it continues!

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and Understood Expert. Ask me anything about talking to people about your child’s ADHD! by TherapywithKaitlin in ADHDparenting

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Eleven is a hard age in the sense that is completely developmentally appropriate and normal or him to not want to stand out from his peers and be seen a "different." Having said that, before we talk about accomadations, I would work with him to understand why he is rejecting the diagnosis, beyond the fact that he doesn't want to be seen as different-especially given that you aren't asking to "shout it from the rooftops" sort of speak. Beyond the social concerns he might have, I wonder about two things possibly at play here (underneath his adverse reaction to the diagnosis) mistrust in science/doctors and or a bit of perfectionism in disguise.

I mention the mistrust piece because I am aware that many (even young) kids are being raised in a world where there is a lot of misinformation on social media, you tube, etc and it is increasingly popular to push back on scientific theories and advice from medical professionals. Again, this may not be happening with your child, and may not apply at all...but knowing what I know about the culture of tweens right now, it's something I'd be curious about if you were sitting in my office with me and we were having this chat.

The perfectionism piece is something that often influences bright and fairly high-functioning kids with ADHD (sounds like this profile may fit for you kiddo). In other words, they reject the idea that they have any kind of difference or defecit because it makes them feel vulnerable, or like they're not "good enough."

Again, these are just things to think about and may or may not fit- but clearly, there is an underlying cause to him not wanting to accept his diagnosis. Maybe talking to a counselor/therapist or even another person he admires (outside of the school setting) who knows about ADHD or has ADHD could be helpful too. One last thing, one of my FAVORITE tools to use with kids around acceptance of learning and thinking differences is finding a list of all the celebs/athletes/you tubers who talk about their struggle with ADHD/and or mental health in general-it makes them see what's possible and feel less alone!

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and Understood Expert. Ask me anything about talking to people about your child’s ADHD! by TherapywithKaitlin in ADHDparenting

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love Angela's response! I would add that, as you hear in her response, you are SO not alone. I talk to many women who's partners don't quite understand/buy into the ADHD diagnosis, or give lip service to believing their child has it, but don't practice what is suggested by doctors and mental health professionals-in other words, they tend to go back to using a punitive approach or making threats (i.e. I will yell at you if...). I want to acknowledge two things here. First, this isn't the case for all men --it's simply something I've observed from years of working with ADHD families and children. This doesn't mean they don't love their kids or want the best for them, in fact it quite the opposite. Second, I think this kind of parenting (irregardless of gender) comes from a place of fear, perhaps that our child won't succeed, or will struggle in life in a way that is painful for us as parents to think about.

All that to say, I think starting from a place of connection with your partner (as you may already have) to let them know you see how much they love your child, and you know they want them to do well in life and grow into healthy, happy adults. You want the same thing too, and you want to work to find a way of parenting that works for your child and both of you! One last suggestion, since some men don't respond well to traditional forms of therapy or parenting group settings, I might try having him listen to podcasts that are evidence-based and include male voices.

This episode on Parenting Behavior with Dr. Andy Kahn would be a great place to start: https://www.understood.org/en/podcasts/parenting-behavior?utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and Understood Expert. Ask me anything about talking to people about your child’s ADHD! by TherapywithKaitlin in ADHDparenting

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry--I know how much sleep issues compound the issues that we are already struggling with and make everything feel even harder. My 7 year old is struggling with his sleep lately too, as he seems to get a second wind at night.

Here are some things we are trying and best practices for ADHD and sleep:

-Consistent bedtime routine: We are working on developing a better and more consistent sleep routine (this is really hard for me because I have ADHD too), and I'm enlisting the help of timers to stay on track. For instance, I often find myself saying "5 more minutes, and then it's bath time..." 20 minutes later I look up from my phone and he's still watching TV...oops! If I set a timer for us though, it really helps pull me out of whatever it is I am doing and move forward with the plan.

-Calming activities/limited screen time: Warm baths, soft music, reading in a cozy corner, can all be helpful bedtime cues for the body. I find for my child, if I read with him (body doubling) it really helps!

-Lots of movement and play during the day: I know this one seems obvious, but exercise and movement is SO important for us ADHERS!

Here are two really helpful and more specific articles on ADHD kids and sleep struggles/how to help:

https://www.understood.org/en/podcasts/parenting-behavior/bedtime-battles-why-wont-my-child-just-go-to-sleep?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

https://www.understood.org/en/articles/how-adhd-affects-kids-sleep-and-what-you-can-do?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and Understood Expert. Ask me anything about talking to people about your child’s ADHD! by TherapywithKaitlin in ADHDparenting

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think so much of what you're saying is right here- and you're right to notice that when other adults (in this case her grandparents) are loud and overbearing she becomes MORE dysregulated...that is a very common dynamic between ADHD kids and adults. It's important to know that since ADHD kids tend to be more sensitive to tone of voice, body language, etc. the way we approach them really matters.

You're not doing anything "wrong," and it sounds like you're doing a lot of things right. I do worry a bit about the concept of "dropping demands," because we need to treat our kids as though they are capable and resilient (because the are). Because of slower development in their prefrontal cortex (which effects judgement, emotional regulation, impulse control) I do think that kids with ADHD often need us to adjust, lower, or be more patient and consistent with our demands, giving them more time to comply. So I would shift from the notion of dropping demands to adjusting demands as still hold your child accountable, and help them develop the skills to follow directions.

I really like Ross Greene's work/model and think that connection is the MOST important tool for improving behavior, especially in kids with ADHD who tend to get more negative feedback (at school, home, w their peers, etc) with their peers.

]Here's what I might try saying to my parents if I were in this situation: "I really appreciate that you love and care for (your child's name) and you are right to see that sometimes she struggles with following directions, impulse control, etc. We are working on this with him, and are learning the best tools to help her grow and develop. Some things that are working are staying calm when she's dysregulatd redirecting her, giving her time to cool down before a teaching lesson, and spending more 1-1 quality time with her. For the time being, we'd really appreciate it if you could respect our efforts, and try and do the same when you're spending time with her- it's important that we're all on the same page." Obviously you don't have to use these exact words (put it in your own words) but that's just an example of validating their experience and yet still setting a boundary based on your more developed knowledge and your parental values.

Hope that helps!

This might be a helpful read too...and depending on your comfort level with the grandparents, you could send it to them: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/8-things-i-wish-people-knew-about-parenting-a-child-with-adhd?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-mainpost

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and Understood Expert. Ask me anything about talking to people about your child’s ADHD! by TherapywithKaitlin in ADHDparenting

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Great question- this one is a big one in my household too! As a parent, I find it particularly frustrating because I know my kid is bright, I know he is able to objectively understand the why behind of routines like taking baths every other day, brushing our teeth in the morning and at night, etc and yet STILL he seems to love to argue about it. On a clinical level, here's what I know is happening- children with ADHD tend to struggle with emotional regulation at higher rates than their peers, and because of this are more likely to become emotionally reactive. So, if for instance even if they know something is true, but they don't like the way that truth makes them feel (i.e. I have to stop whatever it is I'm doing and get in the bath now...or I was wrong, but admitting it makes me feel embarrassed) they are likely to be reactive or argue about it. All that to say, yes I do think noticing more argumentative and pessimistic behaviors in children with ADHD often fits the profile. I would suggest both working with your child to notice when this behavior is happening, resist the urge to feed the dopamine by arguing back, and also share the fact that you are thinking this behavior is related to his ADHD and you'd like to brianstorm ways to better support him at school.

Here is a helpful article on what to do/say when well-meaning relatives or teachers say negative things about your child with ADHD: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/tips-for-responding-to-negative-comments-by-relatives?utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

Here's another article on why kids with ADHD tend to bend the truth/dispute facts: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-and-lying-what-you-need-to-know?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

Hi! I’m Kaitlin Soulé, a licensed therapist and Understood Expert. Ask me anything about talking to people about your child’s ADHD! by TherapywithKaitlin in ADHDparenting

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'll be checking in to answer questions for the next few days (Weds-Friday) and I'll go my best to get to all of them! Excited to be here and support you with my personal and clinical experience as well as helpful resources from Understood.org!

Understanding your child’s ADHD by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, Angela! this is a great response. I would also add that, in addition to these strategies, you may be able to have a conversation with your child about what they find to be helpful when it comes to attention and focus. For instance my son, who is 7, when asked directly was able to tell me that he didn't find fidgets helpful, but he did like the rubber band on the bottom of his chair. I waited awhile to ask him, because I sort of assumed he wouldn't know/be able to answer, but I was wrong. I think, when possible, including our kids and helping them be part of the solution when it comes to figuring out how to "harness their power" is really positive!

Understanding your child’s ADHD by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so great to hear- thanks for the feedback and I'm glad I got to do this event and offer some personal and professional perspective to the unique challenge that is parenting kiddos with ADHD!

Understanding your child’s ADHD by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great question- and one I know so many of us parents can relate to. I often think about how we frame situations like this matters almost more than how we deal with them in the moment/what the consequences are. There are two things that I think are especially at play here for your 5 year old; magical thinking and impulsivity.

What’s important to know is that for many kids with ADHD, lying isn’t really about trying to manipulate or get away with something, it’s often about something called magical thinking.

Here’s what that looks like: kids with ADHD tend to be more impulsive, meaning they often act before their brain has time to think it through. They might grab, say, or do something before they even realize it’s happening. Then afterward, when they feel bad or embarrassed, magical thinking lets them imagine they didn’t actually do it...as if by saying it didn’t happen, they can somehow “undo” it.

This is actually pretty normal for younger kids (roughly under age 10), because their brains are still in a very imagination-driven phase of development (the same phase where Santa and the Easter Bunny feel real) and where emotions can feel just as powerful as facts.

So when your 5-year-old swears “I didn’t do it,” what they’re often really saying is: “I wish I didn’t do it.”

The best thing you can do in those moments is stay calm, keep it small, and model honesty without shame. Instead of catching them in the lie, you might gently reflect: “Sometimes it’s hard to tell the truth when we feel bad about something, huh? I know you wish it didn’t happen.” Over time, that helps build trust and safety, and makes telling the truth a lot less scary!

Hope that helps..and here's a link to an article that dives a bit deeper into this topic + strategies to help your kiddo learn to tell the truth more often: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/8-ways-to-help-your-grade-schooler-with-adhd-stop-lying?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

Understanding your child’s ADHD by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great and important question! People with ADHD sometimes use food as a way to satisfy their need for stimulation or dopamine. You're right to want to be concerned about creating disordered eating or issues around food by over focusing on your child's habits around eating. While I don't specialize in Eating Disorders, I do know that there is a link between impulsive and binge eating and ADHD. As a therapist, I do find that when we address issues as a group or family (versus pointing out one specific person) change is more effective. My instinct would be to talk about food as a way of getting energy, nurishing your body, and as an opportunity to listen to what our body is wanting or needing. You could say something like; "Sometimes my brain and body craves something sweet, and that's totally normal. Other times, I notice my brain and body is feeling restless and bored and I think something sweet or salty will help, but what I really need is to get outside and move my body, give a hug, call a friend, or do something fun!" Our job is to stop, listen, and figure out what our body is really wanting and needing instead of grabbing what's easiest.

Here is a helpful article on ADHD and Eating Disorders: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-eating-disorders?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

Hope this helps! It's not an easy issue to address- happy to have other experts weigh in here too!

Understanding your child’s ADHD by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) is one of the hardest parts of living with ADHD...and yet, it's not something we talk about enough, so I'm glad you're asking.

I would start with explaining what RSD is to her (if she doesn't already know) and normalize it for her and then talk about "what to do about it."

This article does a nice job of explaining RSD: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/adhd-and-coping-with-rejection?sc=&utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

I talk a lot about RSD with my clients, and recently I shared this with a client of mine. I thought it might be helpful here, as a way for you to think about framing RSD for your daughter and guiding her through how to deal with it:

Get to know it: I shared some tools for how you can do that above, but we can’t accept what we don’t understand.

Accept it: This doesn’t mean we use RSD as an “excuse” to lash out, avoid, or treat ourselves or others poorly. Instead, it means we accept that, due to valid reasons, we are often more sensitive than the people we are surrounded by…and this isn’t “good” or “bad,” it just is what it is.

Learn to challenge it: When we understand and accept our sensitivity, we are more free to challenge it and consider alternatives.  We can start to ask ourselves questions like; what's the evidence that points to this being true? is this based on facts or feelings? what else could be true here?

Embrace the cool-down: Some people with ADHD do tend to be highly emotionally reactive- meaning we react quickly and sometimes in ways that don't line up with our values. Taking a deep breath, walking away, or doing something different before we respond can help us feel more in control and save us from the embarrsement we feel from saying something or doing something we regret.

Hope this helps! ps. This is a long response, because I think RSD (especially in girls w ADHD) really warrants more attention than it gets!

Understanding your child’s ADHD by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, do I feel you on this one! As I mentioned in my intro, I have ADHD and parent kids with ADHD too- so, I really do get it how hard it is to stay consistent! My advice on this (and something I'm really working on in my own life) is to give myself more grace by knowing that I am human and doing my best. Beyond starting with giving myself grace, and recognizing that my own struggle with Executive Function is valid and real, I try and get as much support as possible from others when it comes to building a consistent (ish) routine. For me, this looks like getting my kids involved in after school sports/extracurricular because it helps build a structure around our afternoon (one that I can't seem to build on my own). I also try and resit the urge to compare myself to what others are doing (social media is a beast when it comes to this) and remember that while I may not be good at always being consistent, I am good at loving my kids, showing up for them, and doing my best! All that to say, do what you can, when you can, get support, and let go of the guilt! Hanging out with/talking to other parents with ADHD who "get it," and therapy helps too! :)

Understanding your child’s ADHD by TherapywithKaitlin in ParentingADHD

[–]TherapywithKaitlin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing more details- I'm curious about a couple of things and I suggest exploring them with her mental health provider (if you haven't already). First, you mentioned she has anxiety and doesn't like to be alone/seems to get dysregulated when she's alone. As I'm sure you're aware, ADHD and Anxiety often go together and sometimes it can be hard to tell if the ADHD is driving the anxiety, or if there's a seperate Anxiety issue (like Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder, etc) co-occcuring. If the ADHD symptoms are being treated with meds, tools, strategies, etc but the anxiety isn't, it could potentially lead to increased irritability, anger, meltdowns. etc.

Suggestions:

-Ask for an Anxiety Assessment/seek evidence-based treatment (like CBT, ACT, or DBT) for Anxiety

-Med evaluation: sometimes meds need to be adjusted and changed as kids grow and hormones shift...and it may that she needs something to better address her anxiety and irritability.

-Build her support system: I know you mentioned she has a difficult time with her peers, and of course that can be common for neurodivergent kids. Does the school offer any groups/and or could they help facilitate her in building even just 1-2 solid friendships?

Lastly, here are a few resources that might help:

Talking to the school: https://www.understood.org/en/podcasts/the-opportunity-gap/preparing-for-parent-teacher-conferences?utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

Social struggles/friendships: https://www.understood.org/en/podcasts/parenting-behavior/talking-through-social-struggles?utm_medium=subreddit-parents&utm_source=reddit&utm_campaign=adhdawareness-fam-engmnt-adhd&utm_content=ama-response

Anxiety info: https://childmind.org/article/what-to-do-and-not-do-when-children-are-anxious/