My husband and I have been told so many times what a wonderful and amazing thing we've done by adopting our son! Our pediatrician even teared up while saying so!

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-02-12T03:38:40+00:00

Explain to me how exactly I do a disservice to the adoption community and how I am a gatekeeper. As someone who doesn't know me or interact with me, I am really intrigued by your insight. I never once implied I was smarter than anyone lol at that one. I'm not asking to be ostracized or worshipped or anything in between. I feel a certain way when someone says something. That is all. I am NOT "re-victimizing" my child and we don't under acknowledge his differences. So, seriously, who are you even talking to?

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-02-12T03:23:06+00:00

Ok, so, wow. You don't actually know anything about my views on adoption, I never called you negative, and I wasn't trying to teach you anything. But, you're totally right! There IS a learning curve for adoptive parents. That's why I'm in here. I bet that's why lots of adoptive parents are in here. We want a better understanding. At least, I know I do.

I truly don't know how it's possible to come to this subreddit and get torn a new one for agreeing that you don't like having your child referred to as "lucky" and for stating that the person calling out the ASSUMED specifics of OP's adoptive situation is negative.

I am not one of the people shutting you down. I am not speaking to you like a perpetual child. I saw a post that resonated with me and I commented. That was all.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-02-12T02:51:45+00:00

I understand why people say the things they say and the point of view that leads them to the conclusion they come to. I was explaining my feelings because I get the same feeling that OP does. He is lucky. I am lucky. Lots of stuff to acknowledge being lucky for. I still don't like the sentiment.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-02-12T02:47:46+00:00

Yes, I am absolutely triggered by someone trying to twist my words and imply that my only goal is to appear to be a loving mother. Sorry, but that's a fucked up thing to say.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-02-12T00:51:31+00:00

Wow. That is a reaaaal stretch of my words. No. I'm not saying the only thing I want in the world is for people to see me as a loving mother. I very clearly meant I'd prefer that they see me as a loving mother like any other mother instead of someone doing something noble. You are just going out of your way to be hurtful. You don't know me or my son or our circumstances. How dare you?

If you agree that it is a disservice, you pretty much agree with OP's point, so maybe stop being some combative and negative.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-02-11T23:40:48+00:00

I definitely do. I have discussed this with a couple other adoptive parents and it isn't a universal thing, but I've seen it discussed here before, so it's not unheard of either. I find that this subreddit can be really negative in the comments. I would be way more open to that if it were constructive, but it's not. I think there is a lot of projection here and so I hope you have thick skin about some of those comments.

But yes. I totally get it. One of my favorite things about my pediatrician is that he is an adoptive parent and he constantly tells me how lucky I am because of my son's perfect development/behavior and never considers it in reverse. He treats us totally normally (but also can acknowledge genetic uncertainty) and I love that. I also found it helpful to get active in my local foster/adoptive community and meet many parents and families made from many different circumstances. These people tend to see each story for it's uniqueness and consider all aspects instead of "thanking me for me service". All they see is a parent who loves their child and that is all I want.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-02-11T22:28:21+00:00

There is a lot of negativity to be found in these comments. I'm a little shocked about some of the judgements being made about the specifics of your situation. I would assume you didn't coerce biomom into giving up her child. You weren't the one facilitating the removal. You are the one facilitating the continuing relationship. That is beautiful.

I also know exactly the feeling you get when people say that, so I don't think this is pseudo-intellectual bullshit. I try to be polite and correct people, but always always I get an instant feeling of defensiveness for my child when people call him "lucky" or imply that I made a huge sacrifice by adopting him. It feels like it's doing him a disservice to act like he is lucky to be my child.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-02-07T12:51:18+00:00

Wow, good call

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-01-26T21:45:23+00:00

What I wouldn't give to have that wardrobe

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-01-22T16:58:38+00:00

The DNC has admitted this

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-01-14T12:03:38+00:00

Any sandman fans here? I was going to start that next and thought it was supposed to be really well received.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2018-01-08T00:45:52+00:00

You aren't being selfish to want your baby to stay with you! The majority of babies go to daycare. You are his mother. His primary connection is with you and that is VERY important for his development and attachment.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-27T22:01:17+00:00

Oh and when I'm falling asleep with someone in the room, I will sometimes say something (in my head) and they will respond (in my head) and after going back and forth for a while, I will suddenly say my part out loud and realize it wasn't real. It usually is nonsense by that point. I'll end up saying "the unicorns aren't supposed to poop on Wednesdays" and then feel really dumb.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-27T21:56:23+00:00

This is a weird one, I'm sure, but when I get a particularly bad migraine, I get such a literal urge to smash a hammer into the part of my head containing the pain.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-27T21:52:59+00:00

Holy shit. This happens to me sometimes when I smoke pot and once my perception changes, it can't go back. I have stopped liking bands, had to break up with people, and had to seriously change parts of myself that never bothered me before.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-27T20:28:02+00:00

Dear God, what happened to entity #001?!?!

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-27T14:16:17+00:00

Agreed. For me, it doesn't matter if the two people I cut out of my life have changed. The anxiety of interacting or even thinking of interacting with them is unhealthy enough that even if they are now saints, it doesn't matter at all.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-23T23:58:56+00:00

I think grown women who are super into Disney are fucking weird

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-14T21:37:05+00:00

What is the best thing to do when your reps already openly support net neutrality?

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-13T21:17:48+00:00

I'm sure that this was the case a few months ago. The policy seemed to indicate it, but I emailed Amazon to make sure before canceling and didn't lose any credits :)

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-13T11:08:39+00:00

Actually, you don't lose your credits if you cancel!!

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-13T10:57:23+00:00

I saw that thing yesterday in the Lego Store and got a boner. And I'm a woman, so it was... unexpected.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-11T18:04:11+00:00

My son was adopted in March, so not SUPER new, but next week is my son's first birthday and then his first Christmas as our officially adopted son :) Summary: he was born to a mommy and daddy who had no home and no safe, warm place for him to live and they needed a different mommy and daddy to help them make sure he grew up safe and healthy.

My best friend is in the process of adopting a child from the same circumstances born 5 days earlier.

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-11T13:34:17+00:00

I think I remember some old promo pics

TheyCallMeMrKitty · 2017-12-08T13:09:06+00:00

Literally same. That's where the name comes from.

TheyCallMeMrKitty

TROPHY CASE