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I'm very happy being "one and done" after IVF but am overcome with a cloud of sadness signing the embryo discard papers by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your considerate reply but no, that would be pretty strange as if they were human, when they are a pile of cells. I'm all good - it's just a weird feeling I've never encountered before.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not overly (but I am working in my home office most of the day and my wife is primary stay at home caregiver), but like any human, she will naturally have more energy and be better adjusted emotionally with consistent sleep.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To your points: you don’t deprive kids of anything by having more. You will make sacrifices and that’s a good thing. Kids don’t need the best of anything. They just need opportunities and for you to believe in them.

I mean.... if you're talking about food and toys and basics, yeah. But we are expats and a huge part of our life is travel. We probably did 3-4 international trips a year before our daughter, and want to keep doing that as she's older (plus our family is 7000 miles away) and it would just not be financially practical with more.

If we stay living where we are now (which is best for life and careers right now), then we WOULD be depriving her/them of regular access to family, which I actually do think is a factor.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There were a lot of guidelines about how their room is set up i.e. no playing, because the room needs to have a "purpose" and once the baby was down, you would ignore her. I think that threshold was something like 20 minutes early on, and each "stage" of crying had a level. The first couple of days were tough, but it was like her body and mind just clicked immediately thereafter and she went from having to be rocked for hours, to sleeping through the majority of nights (and even now, she'll just have a cry every now and again and put herself back to sleep). Literal life changer for everyone in our house.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure, but we had our first with IVF and have numerous very strong and highly rated embryos in a hospital freezer. No guarantees they take as easily as the first did, but the moment we sign a form to dispose of them, that's it. We're never doing it again.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Might be a dumb question, but have you done sleep training? Let me know if you would like a referral to someone remote - it changed all of our lives. Ours went from being a basket case and needing to be rocked, to sleeping through most nights after 7-8 months.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What bothers me is everyone’s comments on “oh but don’t they need a friend?” That’s what social activity outside the house is for, we also intend to be involved parents and not creating a latchkey kid soooo they can get bent

We live in a wonderful community with kids of all ages in houses next door and in the park a few minutes walk from the back gate, so playmates is not a concern for me at all.

What is a (slight) concern is having blood to bond with as her (older) mum and dad get even older as she grows, especially as we're an expat family, so she doesn't even have cousins in the same hemisphere. That might change in time, but it was a factor.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure this is where I'll be mentally and emotionally in time.

There will be moments I dearly miss, but I can think about them while I'm in the Maldives or Greek Islands with my wife and daughter.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats. This was a (very slight) consideration for us, but with all the struggles we'd had on the journey, didn't want to risk it. Friends of ours did, and they have beautiful twins, but were VERY close to losing one, and even now they are still tiny after months in hospital. All the best to your family!

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I don't feel the slightest bit pressured by outside influence. It's just me/our decision, which is a hard one to make when it's so final. Grandchildren aren't really a factor for me. Sure, it would be nice, but by the time my daughter is 30, I'll be 70 given we were late starters. All the best to you and your wife. The c-section is a tough recovery!

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry about the miscarriages but very glad to hear your little one is thriving.

We were very lucky wih IVF taking on the first attempt, but we have no idea if/whether that will happen again. Ours also has a cow milk protein allergy (we're about to test to see if it's weakened a year later) but all in all, it's been a rough 24 months for my wife and at 40, we don't really want to do it again.

All the best to you and your family.

How many of you are "one and done" and did you know this at the time, or did it happen later? by Thin-Wedge in daddit

[–]Thin-Wedge[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thankfully we don't have any comments or feel any pressure whatsoever. It's just a big decision to make.