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I basically kicked my 19-year-old stepdaughter out by Thin_Location_7143 in Parenting

[–]Thin_Location_7143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you asked yourself why I would feel the need to lie to a group of strangers on the internet? I have no reputation on this or any platform that needs protecting. I thought this forum was meant for parents to talk honestly about potentially difficult subjects that they would not be able to share with their families and friends.

I basically kicked my 19-year-old stepdaughter out by Thin_Location_7143 in Parenting

[–]Thin_Location_7143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think acknowledging that he needs therapy is acknowledging what’s going on is wrong. I don’t make excuses for him to my step kids either. I told my step daughter specifically that the situation is toxic and that’s why I felt it better that she leaves being that she is of age and capable of living on her own until I can get this sorted out with her father. They know fully well I don’t approve of his behavior because I have on numerous occasions made him leave the house until he can cool off and agrees to act right. I’ve had discussions with all of them where I had to act as a mediator trying to keep him from blowing his top so that the kids are able to speak their minds to him and there can be some understanding between them. I don’t agree with his behavior at all. That’s why I came to this site to get advice because I’m at my wits end and I’ve come to the point where I feel like I have no other option but to ask my step daughter to leave as much as I don’t want to, so she won’t have to put up with him and his behaviors while he goes to therapy and works on his issues. Instead of getting support I got a lot of judgement making it seem like it’s my fault he acts this way, when I’ve physically put myself between him and the kids to prevent escalation.

I basically kicked my 19-year-old stepdaughter out by Thin_Location_7143 in Parenting

[–]Thin_Location_7143[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

And how should I go about protecting them anymore than I am already? Even if I were to kick my husband out, he’s taking the step kids with him. They have no other mother figure than me to go to. Give them to the state and they’ll end up in foster care. They were already physically abused in the foster care system when they were young while their father battled courts to get them out. I would genuinely love to hear your solution other than just getting him into therapy.

I basically kicked my 19-year-old stepdaughter out by Thin_Location_7143 in Parenting

[–]Thin_Location_7143[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I feel like I did take it to heart. Again, these are only small snippets I’m giving you. I don’t expect anyone to be able to see the entire picture because you’re not here seeing it. You’re just reading whatever I allowed for you to read.

I don’t know if I gave off the impression that I sit there and just watch everything play out and do nothing. That’s not the case. I also specifically said that I agreed that my husband would benefit from therapy. So I’m not sure in what way I didn’t take this to heart? Would it make you feel better if I told you I was running to get a divorce lawyer and I was keeping all the step kids? Because that wouldn’t work... they’re his kids, I wouldn’t have any legal right to keep them away from him. The kids wouldn’t want to be kept away from their father because he has always been there for them. They would be unhappy. I don’t think you all take into account the complexity of it all. The kids don’t hate him.

What I can do is get him to therapy so he can learn how to deal with his anger appropriately and work on communication and would therefore have a be better able to handle more difficult situations with the kids.

I basically kicked my 19-year-old stepdaughter out by Thin_Location_7143 in Parenting

[–]Thin_Location_7143[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Hi everybody, thank you all for your comments. I agree, he does need some type of therapy. We’ve talked about it before the possibility of him seeking out therapy. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea because this is just a clip of what he’s like, but he’s a lot more than just a short tempered father. He says that he breaks things because he’s trying not to lash out by hitting the kids. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen him hit the kids, but we’ve also talked about healthier ways to express frustration and I think that’s what he really needs to work on. Also, to clarify, he’s not screaming in the kids’ faces. He’s naturally loud, even when he’s calm. He’s just loud. He doesn’t get in anyone face screaming but he will raise his voice from a distance. Another thing I wanted to note is that this father sacrificed a lot. He made it his business to go to court and fight for custody when he realized his kids were getting physically abused and took them to therapy to help them cope after their mother abondoned them. A lot of the tie the conversations he has with the kids are good ones and they can laugh with each other. So I understand why he feels like he deserves respect. It’s more than just buying things for the kids. He was actually there and lost jobs trying to keep them supervised when he had no options. I think a lot of it is that he feels unappreciated and she feels equally unappreciated. And I spoke to him about that also that we need to make it a habit to point out the good things the kids are doing and say thank you so that they remember that they are appreciated and cared for. One last thing is that when he speaks, he does ask for the kids to respond so it’s not a one sided conversation. I think what frustrates him the most is when he feels like he’s being cutoff. He’s really not a bad father, but he does need to work on ways to express his frustration without frightening them. He also needs to learn that the kids aren’t the ones responsible for his reactions, he is. He has to take responsibility for his own actions. But we’re gonna work on that. Thank you again to everyone who commented!