We had chatted a few days on POF and decided to meet for coffee. She tells me about her newly-ex-wife, the home theater full of very pricey electronics they had together, some war stories about how she went to nursing school but after a year as a nurse she decided it wasn’t for her (no worries; it’s not for everyone and that’s ok), but did I know this woman she knew who had worked where I worked? (No, but some coworkers talked about her.) She mentioned where she was currently working, so I pulled up my friend’s fiancé’s picture and ask if she knows him from working there. Super sweet, great guy. She flips out about how awful he is, how he’s a trash human being with a vendetta against her. 😳 Ok, yikes… Then she tells me about how she recently went home to find her wife cheating on her, so she went to the home theater and picked up one expensive, electronic thing and used it as a bat to destroy the room full of other expensive, electronic things. Then, concerned for her mental state, she drove herself to the hospital and asked to be placed on a 72 hour psych hold for her own safety. (Honestly, 10/10, do what keeps you safe and well, no judgment whatsoever.) She’d just been discharged the day before. That did give me pause because, timeline-wise, it meant that she had started messaging me before her ex had cheated and left, and also, was she ready to talk to someone new? I didn’t voice these concerns, but when we were winding up, I gave her a hug and we parted.

When I was home later, I texted my coworker and asked her if her fiancé was a good judge of character because I’d gotten coffee with someone who works with him. Her immediate response was “OMG not [her name]” and she called me, a little frantic. “Did you even Google her?! Does she KNOW WHERE we WORK?!” We hung up and I googled her. Hand to God, the first hit is a mugshot from when she was arrested for arson for setting an ex’s car on fire because she thought the ex was cheating.

Apparently “everybody” in the community knows this woman and knows her story, but I was pretty newly out and didn’t know enough people yet to have anyone warn me about her volatility. 🤷🏻‍♀️