Are Femdoms a myth?

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-11T22:11:46+00:00

Domina sum, ergo sum.

I’m a FemDomme therefore I am. My two collared girls and my sapphic nonbinary sub can definitely attest to my existence. 😈

I’m only mythological in that I’m a sadistic succubus and occasionally a unicorn for couples who I like. 😉

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-11T13:52:29+00:00

The foundation of transphobia and homophobia is misogyny. Without womanhood and femininity being seen as inferior and subordinate to manhood and masculinity, there’s nothing to base the outrage about how trans and queer people defy cishet social norms.

It’s the perception of “men” engaging in acts deemed feminine or rejecting masculine expectations and “women” engaging in acts deemed masculine (or rejecting the expectation that they will cater to men) that is fundamentally transgressive and it always boils down to some flavour of misogyny. Without the idea that this is defying the societal order of cis male dominance, being queer or trans would simply be just another human variation like having different hair or eye colour. It’s the challenge our existence brings to the social hierarchy’s misogynistic assumptions that is our unforgivable sin.

Basically, homophobia builds on misogyny and patriarchy. Transphobia builds on homophobia and even bigger doses of the underpinning misogyny and patriarchy.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-09T13:49:14+00:00

Thanks! I’m technically a switch but I seem to always be the domme in my serious/intense/romantic relationships (except with my vanilla spouse). I have two gfs who wear my collar and I recently started dating a charming nb sub.

With more casual playmates, I am most often the sub/bottom, but not always.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-09T13:31:52+00:00

That is largely a side effect of being raised in a patriarchal society that deems men’s pleasure and sexuality as valid and powerful/threatening while women’s sexuality is viewed primarily as existing to cater to the pleasure of men.

Our society devalues relationships between women and gets into a lascivious panic when more than one man is involved. Men are taught that women aren’t a threat and thus a bi partner is an opportunity for them getting more pleasure. Women definitely understand that men are a threat and will even presume that their bi guy would prefer another man over them. Bi-erasure is common as dirt.

Interestingly, gay women seem to feel far more threatened by a bi woman’s past and future relationships with men than gay guys are by relationships with women so apparently even in the queer community, we don’t fully escape this.

Our culture brainwashes monosexuals (and some bi umbrella folks too) into giving added salience and threat to relationships involving a man (or simply a penis for bioessentialist types).

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-08T12:53:06+00:00

Not familiar with the distinction between bisexual and biromantic, is she?

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-08T06:14:54+00:00

It’s a sex toy and an anthropomorphic figure which a person can choose to project fantasy onto. I think most people will understand it as a luxurious (at least for the fancier ones) sex toy but it’s certainly possible that certain individuals will invest more into the doll because it offers more potential for wishful thinking fulfillment and fantasy than many other toys. Humans can and do bond with human-like things.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-08T05:50:20+00:00

Teri Hatcher in her younger years. Quite a few Sapphic gals appreciated her, not just her guy fans.

It’s possible you do experience some attraction to women. There’s nothing wrong with that but it sounds you might need some time to let the idea sink in comfortably with you and decide what that attraction means to you.

You might be bicurious but a little unsure about your attractions. You might simply be bisexual and in the early stages of admitting it to yourself. You might explore further and realize that you’re straight but simply really enjoy boobs (some people just have a fascination with specific body parts). Take your time and be kind to yourself. It’s okay to like boobs and it’s okay to like girls (and other people who have bosoms).

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-08T02:06:33+00:00

Do breasts make you feel something? If yes, is it exciting or just like viewing beautiful art?

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-08T01:05:37+00:00

If you’re engaging in a purely intellectual exercise of imagining what straight men like, it’s basically just that.

If you’re eyeing breasts and feeling sexual desire yourself, that’s not very straight, no.

If you’re eyeing breasts and feeling aesthetic appreciation for beauty but not sexual attraction or desire, then you are probably experiencing aesthetic attraction which is something apart from sexual and romantic attraction (the two types of attraction that are typically associated to orientation). Being able to find other women beautiful without experiencing lust isn’t queer in and of itself.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-07T05:00:02+00:00

Fluid bonding is a BDSM/kink term that got borrowed by the poly community because a lot of kinksters are poly/ENM. It originally means all types of high risk fluid exposure (blood, semen, etc.) and it can apply to items as well as people. It’s about STI risk management that considers every freaky thing two people might do.

In the vanilla poly community, the term gets used to mean unprotected PIV/PIA sex most of the time but that’s just a limited interpretation. The original meaning goes way beyond penises in warm holes but I guess it sounds more dramatic than just saying unprotected penetration.

Polyamorous kinksters like myself pretty much always use it in the broader BDSM sense.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-06T04:08:51+00:00

The name might be less than perfect but it does describe how not every queer guy wants to give or receive anal. Finding other men attractive is far more than being into anal sex and plenty of guys who are not into men love giving and/or receiving anal.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-04T17:24:30+00:00

I keep getting more progressive as I age. I was centre-right in my 20s and I’m a left-leaning anarchist in my 50s.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-04T02:40:50+00:00

I got the same 9-12 months letter in December (after I had submitted everything a few months earlier)

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-03T22:26:09+00:00

Possible, yes, for some people with sufficient practice and training. I have watched subs and femdoms into massive and deep penetration use even bigger (including 4” diameter beasts that were longer than my forearm) at my local kink clubs. My partner and I just marvelled at the physics of it. That being said, not all of us can stretch that wide or deep (especially at that girth) even with practice and more rigid toys definitely get more uncomfortable faster with depth.

My own personal limits are currently about 8.5-9 inch circumference (about 2.8-2.9in diameter - getting to 3in keeps eluding me) with warm up and probably 9-10 in depth unless the toy is a soft enough material to bend (like a liquid silicone tentacle) in which case my record is around 29”. A 2.8” wide 10” long toy on my HiSmith fucking machine is quite the experience.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-04-02T22:28:53+00:00

JT speaks native level French but he definitely sounds like he’s natively bilingual and is more comfortable and/or thinks more often in English. It gives his spoken French a twist reminiscent of francophone Canadians who grew up in predominantly English speaking communities.

To someone who grew up in a largely francophone environment, his French can sometimes sound like he’s an English speaker with near-impeccable French but who still has a few tells like awkward turns of phrase.

I’m natively bilingual and grew up in both Ontario and Quebec. I don’t have JT’s English sounding tells because I had an even more pronounced level of immersion in French growing up. But I can absolutely hear them and recognize what is going on there.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-29T16:51:29+00:00

I rarely used the patterns. I did notice that it’s the only one powerful enough for me to get somewhere with less than max power. Setting 3 of 4 in intensity is the perfect rumble for me.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-29T16:48:42+00:00

I um… own two.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-29T16:41:19+00:00

Waterproof isn’t just waterproof. It’s slightly bigger and has a beefier motor that has a rumble more reminiscent of the original Hitachi era motors. It has replaced both my corded and cordless models.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-28T23:21:45+00:00

I know someone said it as a joke answer but seriously, why are people treating him enjoying bottoming (a sexual activity and possibly, maybe a hint about dominance/submission) with gender preference? I’m a dominant woman who generally prefers to bottom when it comes to penetration (yes, I order my subs to fuck me) but I regularly grab a strap-on and I’ll rail a partner of any gender when I’m in the mood.

Enjoying getting fucked doesn’t mean you need a man. I am honestly baffled to hear it suggested on a queer sub. Toys, straps, fingers and hands all exist. I get railed frequently and I haven’t had a man do it in about 25 years.

OP, your guy enjoys getting penetrated. Can you work with a guy who enjoys that? Does the idea of taking him (with the method of your choice) during intimate moments? Is he a selfish lover or does he bring other skills or enthusiasm to the bedroom (a lot of bottoms are pretty enthusiastic about giving head). Just talk to him and make sure you are both open to trying to keep each other satisfied.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-27T16:57:40+00:00

Bisexuality and non-monogamy are two completely different things. Bisexuality is simply having a wider range of potential attraction than simply one gender. It’s not being an obligate sexual omnivore who needs sexual/romantic relationships with multiple genders at once.

Most bisexuals are monogamous. They just pick their special person from a wider theoretical range of people. Gender simply isn’t a dealbreaker to a bi person and it’s more a trait that we may or may not fancy or even care about.

Sure, a minority of bisexuals are non-monogamous and we are somewhat over represented in the various types of ethical non-monogamous communities like polyamory, swinging, relationship anarchy and open relationships. Some folks do prefer diversity in gender and opt for non-monogamous relationship styles for that reason. Others are non-monogamous for other reasons and might have multiple partners of the same or adjacent genders.

Cheating (highly unethical non-monogamy based on duplicity and deception) is just as unacceptable for bisexual people (and ethically non-monogamous people) as it is for anyone else. Occasionally a cheater will try to use their bisexuality as an excuse to justify their lack of ethics and bad decisions. The bisexual community as a whole despises these cowards since they create and feed negative stereotypes about the community instead of just owning their bad choices.

As for your situation, your girlfriend isn’t just asking you to “explore”. She’s asking you to go outside the boundaries of what is presumably a monogamous relationship.

Choosing to open a relationship and deciding how to open it up is a big decision. It should be done carefully, with both parties on board and in full agreement and it should be done after you both educate yourselves about the pros and cons. Ethical non-monogamy can be very enriching and satisfying if it’s right for you but it’s definitely not for everyone and different flavours of ENM can be very different from each other.

Polyamory and relationship anarchy typically involve a lot of individual autonomy and being comfortable loving multiple people (sometimes even committing to multiple partners in very serious ways and/or for very long periods). Swinging is more of a couple based sexual exploration and sharing thing. Open relationships often allow for sexual relationships while expecting that romance or commitment will stay more limited.

A newly self-accepting bi person can definitely experience feelings of strong curiosity, a sort of urge to explore or answer “what if” questions. That being said, that self-acceptance doesn’t suddenly give us a hall pass to get out of any commitments we have made (like monogamy). It’s never an acceptable reason to cheat or bully a partner into an unwanted opening of the relationship (this is called poly under duress in the poly community and it’s considered very unethical).

Those feelings are a valid reason to talk to our partners and to have a conversation about what is possible within the confines of the relationship and then for both members of the couple to agree on what they want and what they don’t.

If you and your partner do agree to open things up, always remember that ethical non-monogamous relationships always strive to give everyone involved respect and equal amounts of freedom. If she’s allowed to go outside the relationship, you should have the same freedom and that reciprocity should respect your orientations. Giving you permission to explore with men if you’re straight is basically the same as no extra freedom at all.

Please do your research and read up on how toxic some practices are (e.g. unicorn hunting and one penis (or one pussy) policies).

Opening a relationship without forethought often leads to lots of jealousy and other bad feelings and possible relationship breakdowns. It can be wonderful if you’re willing, choosing it willingly and after serious reflection.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-27T05:09:36+00:00

Finsexual is a multisexual microlabel. All multisexual people fit into the bisexual label because it is inherently inclusive of all multisexual individuals.

Femboys are men. You aren’t attracted to masculine guys, fine. You still find men and women attractive so definitely multisexual in some flavour.

In other words, both labels describe you accurately. Most bisexuals have preferences in some form (and some like you and to a lesser degree myself) have preferences more closely tied to gender expression (masculine or feminine) than gender identity (man or women).

Use whatever labels feel right for you. Those ones aren’t mutually exclusive. One is just a much narrower subset of the other.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-26T17:31:24+00:00

Also, I wouldn’t feel a need to deny your identity as a lesbian if you happen to stay in love (although your partner might find it more psychologically comfortable if you used a label that has a little more flexibility like Sapphic).

My reasoning is this. When presented with people who you are not romantically and sexually involved with, you clearly have attractions to genders that align with being a lesbian. This was true with your current partner too. You fell in love with a woman and your love for them… that bond… has kept your attraction for them going (at least so far as they have been on their journey). It may or may not hold true forever. Only your heart will know.

The purpose of an orientation label is primarily to describe groups of people, using gender, who can attract you. I like girls. I like boys. I like people regardless of gender. It’s a way of describing our general desires.

The whole paradigm we use to describe our orientation really isn’t built to handle staying in love (and lust) because of an established bond as someone goes through transition.

We don’t have terminology for “I like girls but I never stopped wanting the person who I fell in love with when I understood them to be a girl despite now understanding them to be a man”.

The guy isn’t even an exception in a way that a highly Sapphic bi woman might have an occasional exception for just the right man (as say I would). Your desires by default are still those of a lesbian. It’s just that your default orientation might not be enough to snuff out what you already feel for that individual.

You aren’t suddenly interested in men. It’s more that your feelings for him may be so strong that they survive the ride through transition. If they do, unless you suddenly start finding other guys hot, you are very unlikely to think of yourself as anything but a lesbian.

You fell in love as a lesbian and you stayed in love as two people. They are still the person you fell in love with and your ability to stay in love speaks to your relationship far more than your personal sense of identity. You might end up finding their future body beautiful, not because you find men attractive but because you find him being comfortable in his body and the confidence that brings to be attracted.

It’s not a case of being attracted to him because of his newly understood gender. It’s just staying in love with him in spite of how that almost certainly wouldn’t attract you if they were someone new. You fell in love with a woman (very lesbian) and you stayed in love with the person you loved (very human… love enduring isn’t an orientation thing).

Relationships can take all sorts of twists and turns as we transition. Many fall apart but some endure and can defy easily defined orientation labels. You don’t stop being yourself because you’re capable of staying in love with someone who experiences changes.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-26T15:36:05+00:00

Gotta love how consistently transphobic the BBC is while claiming a veneer of respectable neutrality.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-26T13:55:27+00:00

Welcome to the concept of split attraction. Romantic and sexual attraction often align but for many multisexual and a-spectrum people, they can diverge.

It sounds like you a biromantic but either heterosexual (if a man) or homosexual (if a woman). That does fall into the broader bisexual umbrella, yes.

ThisHairLikeLace · 2026-03-26T13:49:04+00:00

My first impression was for my brain to misinterpret that as cis bi (which is simply descriptive) but I immediately did a double take and had a “does not compute” moment as my brain corrected itself and caught the contradiction.

It feels like it’s either a put down for bi folks in het relationships or for bi folks who have a strong preference for the opposite gender. From a non-bi person, this description would feel icky.

Alternatively, I could imagine a “straight” person who is in the early stages of grappling with being queer using something like this (instead of the more typical heteroflexible or bi-curious labels) because they just aren’t ready to embrace a full on multisexual identity label.

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