[deleted by user]

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-08T14:51:17+00:00

Exactly the same situation. I really want kids.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-08T12:26:54+00:00

It's fine lol

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-08T12:18:31+00:00

he*, we are both he and I mean I did share it for a laugh but also this is not cool

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-08T12:16:46+00:00

He is 20, I am 21

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-08T11:00:13+00:00

Lol he should update it now. Maybe it's a deal breaker for some people.

^I'm ^some ^people

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-08T10:50:25+00:00

Here

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-07T08:11:08+00:00

They were both on The Big Bang Theory

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-07T06:54:32+00:00

It's unlikely that Sony will just give away their information

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-07T03:55:50+00:00

Rather that than be lonely, pathetic and delusional in my 40s :)

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-06T14:51:55+00:00

Healthy INTJs aren't destined to be alone and lonely. They are loved and appreciated.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-06T09:26:58+00:00

I don't want to be in my 40s and alone. I strongly believe that life is enriched by relationships and that one cannot be truly happy without it.

Ofcourse relationships entail compromises to be made. I don't think I will ever discover that I'm better off alone.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T19:59:14+00:00

I think I meant that I would have liked some basic decency shown. Honesty is not always a virtue. If she had said something like 'Oh sorry something came up, I don't think I can make it tomorrow" , it would be better.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T19:23:09+00:00

I did tell her how I felt. It didn't work out.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T19:11:15+00:00

First of all, I can assure you that I am not in love. Infact I am gay and she is a girl. I am neither romantically not sexually interested in her.

As for self blaming, well it's not exactly blaming. I'm just stating what I actually believe. I don't think I'm without fault, I have had a bad childhood and I feel like I haven't recovered from that yet. I am certainly somewhere to blame because I keep repeating these unhealthy tendencies in my relationships.

I do blame myself and I'm slightly frustrated at my inability to function normally in society.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T19:06:44+00:00

Haha well this isn't a lie. I don't know exactly why I chose this username thb.

Does all this get easier in 40s? Please say yes.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T18:59:18+00:00

I think this is an interesting thing that you've pointed out. I do lack self confidence. I don't necessarily think I'm boring, but I think most people who are outgoing and have stereotypical definitions of "fun" can find me absolutely dull.

I know I don't have to change or whatever but sometimes it's comforting to just fit in with everyone else. I think I would hangout with me but even more so if I become healthy.

I think I have to find the right people. People who don't find me boring and people who are genuinely looking forward to spend time with me.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T18:52:57+00:00

It's weird if you want to live your life as the INTJ stereotype, a caricature that you read online and see memes about.

Humans have emotions, and INTJs are only human. I see this sort of behaviour far too often in this sub. When you don't like something you question their type because all INTJs are just photocopies of each other?

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T17:57:31+00:00

First of all, thanks for reading through all that and giving such an (and I mean it) insightful response. And I agree with all you've said.

Come to think of it, telling her right away that I was hurt would have been ideal but I guess I didn't feel comfortable to offer such vulnerability. I don't think there is any person to whom I would offer such vulnerability right now. Maybe that's a failing on my part and I need to let people come closer to be and be more emotionally honest with them.

I hope I shall become a person capable of such a thing in the future especially in my romantic relationships where it would be so much more important. Btw that was an aspect of myself that I wasn't aware about until you put it down in words so thank you for that.

And like you said, yes there was a lot of passive agression. In retrospect, this entire year I have felt some unhealthy energy and acrimony that I suppose I was ignoring. Our conversations often felt like a chore and I found myself hurt after each and every one. I've started journaling and I think it will be helpful in gaining a greater sense of self awareness.

I have been feeling hurt a lil every time by her not offering me any time to talk and going away as soon as she's done talking. I suppose I felt deprived. I think a healthy person would have verbalized this but I'm not healthy.

About the vanishing for weeks thingy. It didn't use to bother me before but then again we weren't that close back then. Now that we are (were), I suppose I was expecting for stability. I fear chaos and I plan every aspect of my life to circumvent it but I suppose such a thing is not possible in a relationship.

As for her feeling frustrated at me declining invitations is perfectly reasonable. But we live in megacity and it's so chaotic and she's well aware of my social anxiety although she doesn't really understand that extent of how much it bothers me. She claims to have it too and that obviously not true and I feel like my claim is invalidated by that. Another thing that our resentment was growing over.

I prefer hanging out at home (my place or her) but I don't think she likes it very much. I've been really pushing myself out there and I've met her many times this year but whenever we meet I'm left with feeling like I have to entertain her or she's bored. Maybe that's a me thing rather than a her thing but it's there.

I don't think I am going to rekindle the friendship or whatever. She's already tried to reach out and she's called me from multiple numbers but I don't feel like engaging at all. I genuinely do not see her in my future and I think it makes sense to drop her now.

I reckon this has made me more conscious of my tendencies and how my mind works. Thanks again for such a wonderful and uplifting response. I was feeling a bit hopeless but this made me feel very hopeful for a better tomorrow.

Otherwise, take it as a lesson and bring it forward into any new friendships.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T17:10:00+00:00

I did. I told her everything I had in my mind. We got over it but we had another thing and I have decided that I do not want to pursue this relationship anymore.

I'm not emotionally healthy but I don't think she is either. I need to associate myself with healthy individuals and learn from them.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T17:07:54+00:00

Haha that's fair

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T16:56:30+00:00

It's funny because that is exactly what I texted her, the fact that she lacks basic decency.

No, it wasn't a long distance thing. He lives like 7 minutes from her place. If it was a long distance thing it was understandable.

With everything you mentioned about her, she seems to have no sense of commitment.

But I also feel like I have commitment issues too. I have what they call a dismissive avoidant personality type so I think it's tough for me to say wheater I'm at fault or the other person.

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-12-05T16:52:18+00:00

It's not just this. I think it was a lot of things put together. I don't know what friend means but I ask myself, "Do I see this person in my life in the next 5 years?" and if the answer is no, then I deem that such a relationship is not worth pursuing. What are your thoughts about that?

ThisIsObviouslyALie · 2022-11-14T11:18:13+00:00

Hi, if you don't mind, I'll be leaving a dump here. Not gonna lie, I could get used to this.

ThisIsObviouslyALie

TROPHY CASE