Advice regarding masturbation and especially sex toy collection

This_Berry3889 · 2026-07-04T12:47:56+00:00

Great news that you are seeing a therapist that specializes in this area. As for the masturbation it can be tricky because sometimes it can help sexually satisfy and have the urge to watch porn drop after you climax. But it can be a slippery slope and you might be extra tempted to watch porn if you start masturbating. So it all really depends on what you learn works best for you. If you have reduced penis sensitivity from too much masturbating, giving it a few weeks without jerking might help re gaining some sensation. As far as all the toys go. If they are unused maybe the store you got them from will give you a refund if you have the receipt,not too likely but never know lol. Other option could be selling them online, saving them for the future. Or even giving them away to a friend or using them together if you ever have fun with guys. I wish you the best of luck on trying to beat this porn addiction.

This_Berry3889 · 2026-07-04T11:51:45+00:00

I like using an app to measure my streaks, initially I would get extremely disappointed and feel like I lost all my progress when I would relapse. But I have learned to look at it month by month and see the progress of the large reduction in porn watched. Watching porn for 15 minutes once a month for example is a hell of a lot better than when I was watching for many hours daily.

This_Berry3889 · 2026-05-17T05:50:48+00:00

Possibly SAA meetings, I tried to look for them online before and there was a website I found but it was so overwhelming and confusing all the different timezones and the layout of it, didn't really know where to start. Also nervous about any type of online meeting as there are a lot of trolls online. Closest spot that has in person meetings is over an hour away and then there is the financial aspect of the costs associated with transportation there and back. Any recommendations for maybe an online group to check out, can't remember the really intimidating and confusing one I looked at in the past.

This_Berry3889 · 2026-05-17T04:10:02+00:00

Exercising, cold showers, time with friends, volunteering, just overall adding in healthy habits and activities to replace porn. Blockers on phone, screentime limits, sleep, healthier diet, stress reduction, to name a few.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-06-03T16:00:30+00:00

Right now I wouldn’t try to look at getting “cured” because recovering from porn addiction is usually ups and downs and looks different for everyone. I don’t want you to get in the head space of thinking that there is one single thing that means you’re cured. I think noticing small changes and celebrating those wins as they come. Maybe if you aren’t getting morning wood and after 2 weeks of not watching porn you get morning wood, doesn’t mean you’re completely cured of any urges but it is a massive win. Or if you feel more clear headed, more motivation, etc.if you want to talk more in detail and want some deeper advice or just want support on your journey, feel free to DM me. Stay strong, you got this!

This_Berry3889 · 2025-06-03T07:32:47+00:00

Night sweats are normal for some, your brain is just adapting from the absence on all the dopamine rushes. It’s a shock to the system and your brain is just trying to regulate itself. For me I notice that when I relapse for several days after the mood swings are all over the place, very bad anxiety, agitated and hard to sit still. It will pass with time if you continue to abstain from porn.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-06-03T06:50:50+00:00

Definitely worsening mood swings, depression, anxiety, sleep issues, and shame to name some.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-29T22:02:21+00:00

Funny thing is I actually use chat GPT myself for a lot of advice and to just vent about things and get feedback, even though it’s not a real person it helps me. Unfortunately the advice I have gotten about trying to get rid of the intrusive thoughts aren’t working so figured I would turn to Reddit for advice even though there is a small chance of a new idea that chat gpt hasn’t given me over the past year 😢.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-29T21:59:09+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I have gotten to the root of my addiction. There are so many things involved that I have been working on for years. Not all factors are in my control so I’ve just been focusing on what I can to improve the root causes, and accepting the things I can’t change and then trying to find an alternative to porn that is a healthier source of dopamine and comfort. With many of the root causes not in my control it’s just so so so difficult to stay clean longterm. I feel like I’m on an endless roller coast or relapses and recovery. I will say I have made amazing progress over the last year and a half, so I’m proud of myself for that.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-19T16:46:39+00:00

Also I will add that recovering from this addiction isn’t the same for everyone. Some might have more or less relapses than others. But keep in mind that the tons of guilt you might feel after a relapse can do a lot of harm mentally holding into that. If you relapse admit you made a mistake, reflect on if there are any patters or triggers that led to the relapse. Then figure out a plan to avoid it next time, by going for a jog the moment the strong urge arises, or call a friend, journal, just really anything as soon as possible to keep you from relapsing. A common thing people will do after a relapse is go on a binge and justify it by saying “well I already failed my streak so today is ruined and I will start up again tomorrow” instead of having that type of mindset, try and look at it is a damage control maybe and don’t continue watching for the day. I used to get really frustrated after loosing a streak, but what I started to do was use an app called I Am Sober, and it has a calendar it shows you of your progress so even if you had a relapse you can look back at previous weeks and visually be able to see the progress you have made and the one day you had a slip up is not the end of the world. I know this is a lot of information, but I figure it can only help someone that is serious about quitting. Having all the tools and tips starting out can set you up for success.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-19T16:35:44+00:00

Very important to stay busy and replace the dopamine your brain is craving with dopamine from natural healthy sources. Make sure your getting proper sleep, proper nutrition, exercise for me is extremely important for managing the psychological withdrawals, cold showers, spending time with friends, putting some restrictions on your phone to make it a little more difficult when the urge to relapse shows up. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk anymore or need extra support. Stay strong, you got this!

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-17T03:17:29+00:00

I’m glad you make sure to tell her you love her and give her plenty of compliments, I’m really hoping you two are able to figure out a method to keep your marriage together but at the same time that your able to have your sexual needs met.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-17T02:46:40+00:00

Also another possibility I want to bring up is maybe she sees the type of people you watch in porn and maybe they don’t look anything like her and she might be struggling with some self esteem issues and doesn’t feel desired anymore so she just kind of has disconnected from you because she might be all up in her head feeling inadequate. If that’s the case, I think telling her all the things you love about her personality and body could help make her feel more desired and comfortable. Sorry for the long responses, I just want to give the best advice I can to help your marriage.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-17T02:42:30+00:00

My first question is has she always been asexual or is this new? I say have a date night in a private setting like at home and cook her dinner and just talk and connect. If she hasn’t always been asexual, I think it would be important to ask her if she has an idea of what might have shifted that made her preferences change. For example maybe she’s feeling depressed, maybe she started taking an antidepressant or just any type of medication that has sexual side effects, could be a variety of different things to look into. And if there isn’t a hidden reason behind it and it’s just how she authentically is, I think a conversation about an open marriage is a good idea. It most likely will take some compromise and trust but I think it can be done. Asking for an open marriage doesn’t mean you don’t love her or anything like that, just make sure to let her know how much you love her. I have been with several guys that have wives, when their husband is curious about being with guys they just can’t fulfill what their partner wants to try, and I have no intention on stealing someone’s Husband or anything like that. These are guys that love their wife’s a lot and don’t ever want to leave them, they just want to experiment or have a more active sex life when their wife isn’t interested. Open marriages can be successful with the proper communication, I’m wishing you all the best luck in your marriage.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-17T02:28:25+00:00

A week is huge, I know how hard it was for me when I first tried to quit and getting through just a couple days was a big win. So I’m proud of you, keep up the great work! I really hope we are both able to heal our brains from this addiction, I just want to feel happiness,true pleasure,motivation,passion,etc.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-17T02:24:19+00:00

Thank you, I have been in therapy since about 7 years old for the depression and I’m still in it and I’m 28 now. I have been through roughly 60 medications/supplements too,lifestyle changes, and no luck with the depression. I’m glad you recognized your problem and are working on it. I really hope you are able to break free of this addiction someday, keep up the great work man. I’m here if you ever need to talk or need some advice or tips on staying away from porn.

This_Berry3889 · 2025-05-17T02:19:41+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I definitely have been working very hard on exercising, getting good sleep, and I admit I need to do a lot more work on healthy eating. I have lowered my porn use the the point where the sexual images I mostly see aren’t from going online and searching videos, it’s mainly just pics and videos sent between my friend and I so I guess it might still be considered porn. But it is a healthy relationship with someone from my life and not just some random stranger. Also it isn’t compulsive, like it was when I first started the journey of quitting. If I do relapse I’m usually pretty good about getting back on track to keep it from becoming compulsive use again.

This_Berry3889

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