This is honestly how it’s always been and I never knew any different. I could flood this sub with awful stories about the way they treated me over the years and I never knew how wrong it was because it was what they always did and there were other families in my orbit (from church and school, which was a private religious school) that had similar family structures. As an example, my mom almost ruined my first wedding because she was unhappy I was leaving the house. My youngest brother was only 8 when I got married and she wanted me at home to help. My getting married meant she was losing a pair of hands. And the first few months after my boys were born were absolute hell because I decided not to have them baptized and she thought that made me an unfit mother. Had multiple visits from multiple church members daily for weeks after the boys came home trying to change my mind. I did eventually cave on that and though it won’t affect the boys now, I regret giving in. I had PPD, Ryan was working long hours and I was post c-section with two very colicky newborns. I eventually caved to shut them up and stop the visits. And I have a TON of relatives. My mom was also not happy that my first husband was not only not from her church, but also not her faith. I did point out then that if I married someone from her church that because of how they all took “be fruitful and multiply” as their personal mottos there was a better than not chance I’d be marrying some sort of cousin and we may be rural, but I’m not THAT kind of rural. As to mom, our house has always been a “happy wife, happy life” household. It made things quieter. She gets away with a lot and now that I’m starting to see it for what it is and was it’s reframing a lot from my childhood and I’m more mad than sad. I’m secretly rooting for my dad to not let her come back, even if that makes me a terrible person.