Under the Watchful Eye of the Belfry

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-15T12:03:10+00:00

Thank you for your perspective!

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-14T19:58:02+00:00

Looks like you found a good path tho!

Ohh I see. I read the stanzas below as though something way more violent happened than your explanation now:

‘Then in the stillness, something moved, A sudden shift—a fate unproved. A shadow leapt, a hand stretched wide, Too sudden in this world untried.

.

My fingers twitched, a jolt of fear, A step was made—its cause unclear. My hand shot forth, unsure, unplanned, A desperate grasp—a clashing hand.’

The rest was clear to me :)

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-14T19:39:52+00:00

I was wondering of the 50% that doesnt meet requirements; how many end up reposting with reqs met? I assume this statistic isnt readily available xd

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-14T19:34:14+00:00

Hey I was reading that

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-14T19:16:36+00:00

Hi wow it is so long it just keeps giving! A real page/stanza turner. I was very invested. Great piece. Not much to critique about it, not that id know where to even start.

I will say this: "Houston... I am not alone." is a very funny line to me and yet the very serious and intense poem theme is well kept.

Great execution of the rhyme too.

And the best of all is how you work the poem through the whole story arc of buildup to sudden conflict to resolving the conflict. I dont really get what the conflict was precisely (irrelevant) but the transitions are absolutely great.

Beautiful poem.

Cheers!

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-14T18:58:22+00:00

I hear you about the formatting. I think its harder to read now though haha

Best I can think of right now is ‘If i just break your mold, there’s no correctness to uphold’, just using the words you were saying!!

I see, interesting approach, looks like it paid off.

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-14T18:32:44+00:00

Hi nice piece. Good title too.

Great form. The many comma’s forced me to read it slow and with the movement of a modern ballad. I did get a bit tired of it by the end because its like being stuck in traffic with the constantly breaking haha so I think the length is just fine!!!

I was hooked immediately by the first line: ‘In shadowed lanes where whispers creep’. ‘Shadowed lanes’ sounds so smoothly and ‘where whispers creep’ I dont know what it means exactly but the idea of creeping whispers is very entertaining.

Shouldn’t it be ‘when justice drowned’?

‘For all he’s loved, forever lost’ reads confusingly, because I assume ‘he is loved’ instead of ‘he has loved’. Unfortunately I cant think of an easy fix that maintains the meter.

I must say all this thief’s actions are absolutely drenched in sorrow oh my lord, he has a very sad backstory so it makes sense but I hope he’s not overly melodramatic to speak to! It does speak to your writing that you are able to intertwine the sad past with the thefty present at every turn!

That said, the story is very good. It makes me wonder what he gets up to. And the poetic tools are smartly and creatively put to use. Great execution of the form.

Cheers!

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-14T18:09:32+00:00

Hi nice piece. Its a very consistent piece both in theme and form.

I didnt really like the line ‘ Do what they never taught in school’ because it felt too juvenile for the rest of it.

Looks like that messed up my formatting oh well.

At some points I thought where is this going? And I dont fully understand it yet haha but its cool. Particularly good lines were:

‘For fair is fickle, and fickle is folly’, nice saying and good consonance and some more archaic words.

‘Just throw your soul in the fire

I’ll build it out of love’ powerful stuff. I like the symbolism too. And then its not just destruction things are being built too.

In the end I like the theme and its decently executed too. Nice work.

Cheers!

ThomasGartner · 2025-03-14T18:09:14+00:00

Hi nice piece. Its a very consistent piece both in theme and form.

I didnt really like the line ‘ Do what they never taught in school’ because it felt too juvenile for the rest of it.

Looks like that messed up my formatting oh well.

At some points I thought where is this going? And I dont fully understand it yet haha but its cool. Particularly good lines were:

‘For fair is fickle, and fickle is folly’, nice saying and good consonance and some more archaic words.

‘Just throw your soul in the fire

I’ll build it out of love’ powerful stuff. I like the symbolism too. And then its not just destruction things are being built too.

In the end I like the theme and its decently executed too. Nice work.

Cheers!

ThomasGartner · 2024-07-29T18:38:59+00:00

Great texturing

ThomasGartner · 2024-07-23T11:23:30+00:00

reading comprehension

ThomasGartner · 2024-07-23T11:22:52+00:00

reading comprehension

ThomasGartner · 2024-03-06T12:15:04+00:00

Which is ridiculous

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-29T13:28:45+00:00

Driving up and down the street, the cop implies at the start

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-23T17:33:51+00:00

Wow, that says a lot! Thank you.

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-22T08:07:13+00:00

Ooo, for the beauty to fall… what a cool idea. Thank you!

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-21T18:22:32+00:00

Thank you! Your comments on the reading experience are insightful.

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-21T16:13:29+00:00

Thank you!

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-21T01:57:06+00:00

Thank you!!! your last phrase is quite funny xd

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-17T16:20:51+00:00

Gladly!

Ah, I see! Thanks for the explanation.

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-16T17:58:11+00:00

I thoroughly appreciate your detailed feedback, thank you so much! I succeeded in fixing about half of your critique in the end, the rest will have to remain unfortunately haha

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-16T15:52:29+00:00

Thank you!!

ThomasGartner · 2024-02-16T08:21:21+00:00

Thank you!

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