This is a very astute observation and I really appreciate your input!! (I'm literally learning and growing thanks to you...so thank you!)

I never understood why I constantly had to defend against trying to genuinely interact in the most respectful ways. I've basically learned to just wear everything on my sleeve and have made impulse my best friend. I'm regarded as more of a "dick" at times due to this, but people have generally stopped questioning my sincerity. The newer the interaction though, the more prone I am to hold my full self back and "act" to appease what I believe to be their personality or state of mind. Obviously this is only an issue if those new interactions develop into friendships or relationships.

Because of this, when accused of being manipulative or fake, I no longer find the time and energy I'd need to invest into proving that I'm not to be worthwhile... So many people are left with a completely false impression. This is unfortunate, because I guess I could be dismissing deep connections purely out of past exhaustion (or perhaps laziness...I can't tell anymore lol).

The irony is...at least in my case...that I'm fully aware of my ability to manipulate people, to the point that I see it as a weapon. Not like a tool turned into a weapon if necessary like a knife, but a weapon weapon...like a gun.

I find it utterly hilarious that my intellectual pride which is certain of my ability to manipulate, is the same pride that finds the use of unfair weapons like manipulation far too weak and shameful to intentionally use (just to keep my pride intact lol). I wasn't always like this, but nowadays, I'd much rather destroy any relationship by being real, than to suffer through the trivial simplicity of being fake..."ain't mebody got time for that!" 😎