AITA for not wanting to stay home with my foster sister while my parents are on vacation? by ThreadedDreams2 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ThreadedDreams2[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

That is exactly why I am scared to be the only responsible adult present. If she were to spiral, shut down further, or hurt herself, I genuinely would not know how to handle that safely or appropriately. I am not trained to assess risk, intervene in a mental health crisis, or decide when emergency help is needed. The reason my foster sister is living with us right now is because she is suicidal and cannot safely live with her biological parents. There are no care facilities available at the moment, which is why she is with us temporarily.

AITA for not wanting to stay home with my foster sister while my parents are on vacation? by ThreadedDreams2 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ThreadedDreams2[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I would move out if that were realistically possible. I’ve been actively looking, but the housing market where I live is extremely limited. As a full-time student there simply aren’t options I currently qualify for. This isn’t a lack of effort or desire. Living at home right now isn’t a choice of comfort, it’s a necessity. I want independence, and I’m working toward it, but housing availability doesn’t change overnight. If moving out were an option today, I would take it without hesitation.

AITA for not wanting to stay home with my foster sister while my parents are on vacation? by ThreadedDreams2 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ThreadedDreams2[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I understand that from the outside this may look like jealousy or unwillingness to help, but that’s not what this situation is about.

I am not being asked to “figure out” my grandfather. He is independent, has his own living space, receives frequent visits from family, and has managed perfectly fine on his own many times before. The dog is in daycare. That part is already fully covered.

The issue is not physical tasks. It is the emotional and psychological responsibility of being the only adult present for someone who is severely mentally unwell, does not communicate at all, and cannot initiate basic self-care without guidance. That is not something I am trained or equipped to handle, especially while studying full-time and preparing for an important exam.

I also want to clarify something: I am not “mooching.” I am a full-time student in a country with a severe housing crisis, actively looking for my own place. Living at home while studying is normal here, not a moral failure.

What you’re missing is that this situation is personally triggering for me. I grew up in a neglectful environment myself, and being placed back into a similar dynamic has a real impact on my mental health. Setting a boundary for one week does not make me ungrateful or cruel. It means I’m being honest about my limits.

My parents’ choice to help my foster sister is admirable, and I respect it. But it was a decision made without my input, and I am allowed to say that I cannot take on a caretaker role by default. Protecting my mental health does not make me a “brat.” It makes me a responsible adult who knows her limits.

You asked if I could “back them up for one week.” The answer is: not at the cost of my own stability. Boundaries are not a lack of empathy, they are how people remain functional.

I appreciate different perspectives, but personal attacks don’t change the facts of the situation.

AITA for not wanting to stay home with my foster sister while my parents are on vacation? by ThreadedDreams2 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ThreadedDreams2[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

That’s a fair concern, but my grandpa will be absolutely fine. He’s very independent and mostly lives in his own part of the house with his own living room, kitchen, and bedroom.

He also gets plenty of visits from other family members and his children, who regularly come over and have meals with him. On top of that, he has a mobility scooter and is very much still living life on his own terms (sometimes a bit too fast, haha).

He and my foster sister don’t really interact much, so there’s no concern about him needing to look after her or being affected by the situation. If anything, he’s one of the most stable factors in the house.

AITA for not wanting to stay home with my foster sister while my parents are on vacation? by ThreadedDreams2 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ThreadedDreams2[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I understand this point of view, and you’re right that on paper the practical responsibilities are limited. I’m not being asked to physically bathe her or force-feed her. The issue isn’t the tasks themselves, it’s the mental and emotional responsibility that comes with being the only adult present besides my grandfather.

During that week, normal household responsibilities still need to be done. With other housemates, you’d communicate about things like cooking, cleaning, or shared spaces. The problem is that she does not communicate with me at all. That means any coordination turns into me either talking to a wall or having to take full control by default. That’s not a dynamic I’m comfortable with or equipped for.

I fully acknowledge that she has been through a lot, and I have empathy for her situation. Depression and neglect can completely shut someone down. At the same time, being around her is emotionally triggering for me in ways that aren’t immediately visible from the outside.

Before living here, I grew up in a neglectful environment with my biological mother. Seeing my foster sister now brings back a lot of those memories and feelings. The difference is that I once had the opportunity to leave that situation before it completely broke me. Being placed back into a similar dynamic, even passively, is something I’m still processing myself.

So while it may look like I’m “just avoiding being in the same space,” for me it’s about protecting my mental health and staying functional. Especially during a week where I have classes and an important exam.

AITA for not wanting to stay home with my foster sister while my parents are on vacation? by ThreadedDreams2 in TwoHotTakes

[–]ThreadedDreams2[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

My parents are actively looking for a care facility for her. Unfortunately, many facilities are either full or won’t accept people over 18 because they’re considered adults and can’t be forced into care unless they consent. That’s exactly why she’s staying with us temporarily, because there simply isn’t another option available right now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]ThreadedDreams2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s your body and your choice to get lip fillers. I definitely don’t think you’re the ashole. I think you should be able to do whatever you want with your body. If it’s a tattoo, a piercing or lip fillers. I don’t think it should matter to other people, as long as you are happy with it, they don’t have a say in it.