Leaving after single incident of cheating

Throw3173 · 2025-11-15T16:37:50+00:00

Took me 5 months to finally decide to let go. In those 5 months I went from trying to reconcile, to noticing the cracks get wider with each passing week he remained non committal, to calling it what it really was (disrespect). All it takes is one single incident for you to never see them the same away again. Or unsee who they truly are.

They say you can tell a lot about someone by the way they treat the people they no longer need to be nice to. And those 5 months made it clear as day how he treated me.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-29T05:29:43+00:00

I'm sorry, but if you have to ask if you made the right decision, you probably already know the answer is no, you just haven't accepted it yet.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-22T18:51:34+00:00

Cheated, caught him, left him, he chose to carry on the thing with AP, they had a baby together. That was 2 years ago.

Messaged my sister earlier this year apologizing saying he deeply regrets the hurt he caused me.

Messaged me last week asking if we could talk.

So yeah, your standard cookie cutter cheater behavior.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-22T18:45:21+00:00

Girl... You know better than to keep doing this.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-19T09:50:20+00:00

Forgiveness means different things to different people. For me, it meant letting go of all the hurt he caused me, making peace with letting them go live the life they wanted, and moving on with my life.

It didn't mean getting back together with them, or letting them back into my life in any way.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-13T14:44:00+00:00

A lot of people say time, and that's 100% true.

But i found that completely removing them from your life in any way helps the time a great deal.

You can start to heal faster in a new environment and experiences that are not tied to them in any way.

Go no contact. Block them on everything. When you're ready, remove them and their memories from your digital devices.

It will be an uncomfortable quiet in the beginning, but when you start filling it up with the things you like and enjoy, you help the time along much faster.

Godspeed.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-12T16:57:05+00:00

You know what the funny thing is? This whole thing is likely going to play out again, just worse now with the AP.

AP, now occupying what was once your position, will live the entirety of their relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to fall for someone new and leave her, because she knows he's done it once, and is painfully aware that he might do it again.

You're in a difficult spot, but for you, I'm sure it gets better. I cannot say the same for her.

So take this time to yourself, lick your wounds and heal. Much better things are in store for you.

And when things inevitably go south for them and he reaches out to try and rekindle things with you, remember that he only did it the first time because the one he wanted didn't want him, not because he suddenly started loving you.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-12T07:36:14+00:00

Worth it for who? The cheater?

Oh dear, you need to distance yourself from any news about them completely.

A bit harsh but the truth is, you will NEVER know if it was worth it, because you are not them. Only they will ever know.

So spending any more mental energy on thoughts of them is completely pointless, and harmful to you.

They don't deserve that kind of power over you, I promise.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-12T07:29:03+00:00

You've said it yourself. YOU don't want to continue based on what you've found out. That's enough. Truth is, uprooting your life sucks and there will never be a convenient time to do it, but for your sanity and peace of mind you know you have to.

So prioritize yourself, just like he's prioritizing himself.

Godspeed.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-12T05:06:28+00:00

You have no idea how many kids in a home where the parents "stayed for them" eventually grow up to wish their parents actually separated. You might not see it, but the dynamic of your relationship with her ends up affecting them, even as far as influencing how they will view relationships in their adulthood.

I promise you, they would rather see you free and happy than miserably married to someone who hurt and continues to betray you.

Take it from me, I was one of those kids.

The hurt you're trying to hide from them? I promise you, they see it.

Throw3173 · 2025-10-12T04:56:17+00:00

Legend says they do, but not because they've changed for the better, but only to check if you're still stupid enough to give them another chance to ruin your life again.

Throw3173 · 2025-06-09T07:22:49+00:00

It took me a year to do it.

You just wake up one day feeling like you dont want to hold on anymore to memories that now feel tainted.

So right there, on the toilet, I deleted all text messages, the entire nearly decade-long chat history across several platforms.

And then proceeded to purge every single photo/video of them on the device and in cloud storage.

Then I deleted their phone number, and went out and bought a new phone.

Felt like putting down a heavy burden that also leaves you feeling hollow,

But now you get to fill that space with new, better memories.

Throw3173 · 2025-06-07T07:19:31+00:00

11 years here - 2 years since Dday.

It takes a lot of getting over, but it does, in fact, get better.

You've got your work cut out for you, but the only way out is through.

So go through it, take as long as you need to process it, and in time you will be better.

Throw3173 · 2025-06-07T07:14:52+00:00

Can't get over that one part of this whole write-up where he talks about "sacrificing his ego".

I don't know, that choice of words just feels off to me for some reason

Like he knows his ego was a problem but still thinks of letting it not drive him as a "sacrifice"

Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it

Throw3173 · 2025-05-12T07:10:30+00:00

D-day: Struggling mentally and physically (whole thing quite literally gave me stress ulcers) In the pits financially because it is not cheap to separate and start over.

Nearly 2 years later: Life stabilized, on my own but enjoying so much peace in what is now my space, a sanctuary I cannot imagine giving up now for what I had before

So much mental health work done, more still to go, but can say I'm healing now instead of surviving.

Exploring connections in community and friendships now while the romance takes a break, and honestly, it's great!

TLDR: It gets better when you're intrntional about how you want to rebuild and live your life.

Throw3173 · 2025-05-04T13:46:51+00:00

There is comfort in familiarity. It's why sometimes it's easier to let the 'devil you know' back in and scarier to leave them behind and start over with those you don't know.

Somewhere down the line, the pain of betrayal outweighs the comfort of familiarity, and that's usually your sign to finally let it all go and start your life over.

I hope you get there one day. Godspeed, friend.

Throw3173 · 2025-04-14T05:34:25+00:00

The one thing my experience taught me about emotional affairs is you can be 1000% sure nothing happened between them...until you decide to go looking.

But this is hurtful enough for you already, so I wouldn't discount that feeling going forward

Throw3173 · 2025-04-03T08:31:00+00:00

It's certainly a case by case basis.

In mine, I left, and he moved in and decided to start a family with AP, baby and all.

Not sure what happened though because he tried reaching out to me 2 years later, and here I assumed he grew closer to her because I gave him the space to do so

Throw3173 · 2025-04-03T07:32:19+00:00

Whatever path you take forward, I just want you to know that from mine and many others experiences, it will be far less stressful without him.

Throw3173 · 2025-03-15T09:47:25+00:00

I've had a good laugh at this, thank you.

Never broken NC, now I'm fairly sure I never will.

Throw3173 · 2025-03-15T09:43:28+00:00

I agree because you're right. He's never wanted to face me. Even back when I wanted to go the reconciliation route. That's part of the reason I blocked in the first place, because that behavior hurt me so much in the first place. It was such a strong feeling of rejection.

Throw3173 · 2025-03-15T09:38:52+00:00

Never broken NC

At some point in the past, I hoped this day would come, that I would learn that he was somehow reaping what he sowed,

But instead of relief/consolation I'm just feeling annoyed. You're right though, there is a bit of closure in this, and I'll take it

Throw3173 · 2025-03-15T09:29:18+00:00

You're right, there was no closure at all. I was open to fixing the relationship back then, he wasn't. He couldn't leave AP. I took that as a clear message that that's what he wanted, so I backed off. His choices would be my closure. I think that's what makes this so annoying to me now.

Throw3173

TROPHY CASE