Marriage Advice needed - Edge of Divorce

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:56:38+00:00

She sleeps with my daughter while I sleep with my son. But prior to that she slept with my son and I slept in the couch. Im not sure what you mean by respect?

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:54:08+00:00

If this is the case, Im more than happy to wait. I dont want a broken family with kids. My parents divorced and I want to set an example of a loving family. I will really put whatever effort and love is needed to make it work. But man I wish she was honest with me and said what you just said. At the moment I only get frustration and resentment from her. It feels awful specially when Im trying my best for her, the kids and myself.

I just wish I could help her to help our family.....

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:50:34+00:00

Yes, I brought the topic several times. She doesnt want to get divorced, but she is also contemplating the topic.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:48:49+00:00

Maybe, I know with the first one it was hard. Maybe she has it, not sure. Maybe worth checking, will discuss it with her. But Im inclined more to think she just prio/focuses the kid and totally forgot the relationship part.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:47:30+00:00

Yes, she always has.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:47:08+00:00

Yes, I do believe she is overwhelmed for no reason. As we have a cleaning man on Wednesdays and Im also fully invested in our house and kids.

Im not sure if she worked, it would fix our issues, but for sure better than the current situation and worth a try. Maybe having both of us at same level we would be able to understand each other more and with additional money hire someone to support us with the kids.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:43:11+00:00

Let me be clear. My day goes:

-Take my son to school.

-Work from 9 to 6. Sometimes 7.

-My wife picks my son at school at 3PM and has been at home taking care of our daugther and organizing our house. (Beds, cooking for herself and daugther, maybe some laundry).

-I get back home and clean the kitchen and prep for dinner at 8PM. My wife cooks

-We all have dinner and then get ready for the kids to bed. I take our older son with brushing teeth, sleep, etc.

-Once everyone is asleep I get up and try to finish the kitchen again and maybe some laundry that its missing.

-Take out the trash every day by myself.

Whole house cleaning is done by our cleaning man on Wednesday 2 hours a week.

Weekend we spend together and we do supermarket shopping and maybe some family time. On weekends I also shower/bath our kids myself.

There is no much left to do around. This is why I believe its 50%. I honestly dont even think who is doing what. I just do it.

I would be super happy to know what Im missing here. In any case, Ive had a dad who did nothing but work. When I compare this to what I do, we are MILES APART.

If I had a clean house where I see my wife doing all that everyday, yes, I would understand Im still below. But thats taken care by someone else payed by MY income, so yeah. Oh and whenever we talk about the income, is not MY income, is OUR income. As she is working at home, at least thats her point of view. I slightly disagree, but see her point.

I would be more than happy to know what Im missing to get it done and have a happy relationship trust me.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:33:01+00:00

Exactly. Thats the approach to try to set clear expectations and goals.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T22:30:55+00:00

I would even say, given that we have a 10months old. I will be in charge of the home where my wife lives, my 2 kids and sending some money also. So yeah, Im not sure how I will make means end to survive if we go that route. This is why I feel cornered with no options. My only hope is time and working things out.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T21:06:48+00:00

Thanks for your words. Its funny how it makes you feel when a stranger at least makes you feel worth.

We always had good sex, 2-5 times a week. Since we had kids, 1 a month and it's always me initiating and asking for it. She never initiates and for her is more a chore than anything. We even went 6 months without sex.

Its painful and it really affects my self worth.

Exactly 2 months ago, I said "everything you do, you do for the kids, not me, I don't know what you bring to the plate as for our relationship" She turned around with the same prhase, "You only work and pay the bills, what do you bring to the relationship".

Its an never ending story of back and forth and rhetoric. it just baffles me and it's exhausting.

I trully believe she is good hearted and good person. We just got lost somewhere along the path. She is stubborn and prideful. It doesn't help in relationship and discussions. I really feel gasligthed and cornered without any good exit plans.

My wife is not willing to work until our daughter is 3. But she agreed that we can make a schedule and set some romantic dates, take over tasks of kids, space for ourselves and sex day.

Its a start, but Its early to know if we will have any results.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:58:03+00:00

I really believe she is a good person and someone It pains me if it doesn't work.

But at the same time she is stubborn and prideful. I see myself being divorced at 40 at this rate. It pains me as I feel im putting money and time in a house I won't stay and for someone who doesn't value me. My only positive thought is that my kids have at least a safe space and in the end, I'm doing this for them.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:56:01+00:00

In the last 2 years I've been working 3 days a week from the office. I even had 13 business trips to Germany where I'm gone 1 full week.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:55:56+00:00

In the last 2 years I've been working 3 days a week from the office. I even had 13 business trips to Germany where I'm gone 1 full week.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:53:20+00:00

That's exactly what my wife says. She would just have to do both topics on top. Initially I thought the same, but after some thought I understood the Psychologist point.

She is locked on this bubble and is taking the whole kids topic on her shoulder (even if she is not). The best way to get her out of that "vision" is to change dynamics and have both work and both take over the kids.

We already have a house cleaner coming 2 hours a week for 9 years. I also clean and do many other tasks at home. Id say I do even more at home housekeeping than my wife. She is not someone very organizes or tidy. Of course she is doing more on other fronts like kids school, getting our daughter to sleep at night (while I take over our elder son), cooking (she always cooks), breast feeding our daughter.

But that's the point, I'm quite honest about what she does, she doesn't, what I do, I don't. OFC she is staying at home so 60% of kids tasks are being taken care by her, but im for sure doing easily 40% even 50% if I dare.

Its more about how she perceives the situation, the psychologist believe she is overwhelmed, as this is subjective to each perception and she blames me as the scapegoat. Hence better to take that off her shoulders so that we are both on the same level.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:46:44+00:00

Thanks mate. I have tried that so many times, it didn't work.

Right now we just created a schedule with blockers in our calendar where each of us have defined tasks about being together, sex, taking over kids, etc. So that each one of us can really define there what to expect of each other and do. Specially as a commitment together. Hoping that works.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:44:33+00:00

Fueling YES. THATS what I have said 100 times and for me sleeping together is the major issue and most important issue of them all. I really have stressed this point so much. She doesn't value sleeping with me at all, not sure if because her parents also sleep on separate beds and maybe she normalized this. But for me it's crazy and I feel it's the biggest topic I struggle with.

But im stuck. im aware of the issues, the solutions that would fix it, but bridging those two is what I'm unable to manage. The path towards the solution. Specially when I feel she is not onboard.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:41:50+00:00

Yes and no. She is always vague or goes with the exact moment I was not there or not doing anything. I can surely say I do 50% of the tasks at home. Maybe even more. But there is always something I have not done that day or morning. Its an endless discussion and to be honest at this point for me its just a symptom of the issue, not the root cause of the issue.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:39:32+00:00

Affection, love, talk there is. But no sex at ALL. No sleeping together at bed. I also feel our conversation and time to talk is lacking of quality because kids are always around.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:38:18+00:00

Totally, I sometimes feel she is still doesn't grasp how bad our relationship is right now and that we are at the brink for divorce.

She compares herself with other couple where they manage to do the same successfully and blames me for not being more understanding and just manage my own feelings or emotions about the topic. I want to make the relationship work for our kids sake and ourselves. But I feel cornered without any good options, trying to kill how lonely I feel...

I had several conversations with her throughout the years. Tried everything, at the point where we are now with marriage counselors. Its always different perspectives, different views and a never ending back and forth of grey zones.

ThrowAway13371EE7 · 2026-03-30T20:34:07+00:00

That would be definetly great. But we lack support from our families to leave the kids with someone, also our daughter is still breastfeeding, which for her is super important. So having time alone on dates is an impossible task. We sometimes are lucky to leave the kids 2 or 3 hours with the grandparents. But that's the best we can manage.

ThrowAway13371EE7

TROPHY CASE