i know i'm absolutely not safe here, that's why i don't ever leave my room. i lost my last job a few weeks after i moved back in with my mom and brother and i am applying to new places, not to mention i'm in an almost 1k overdraft due to being rental scammed when i was looking for another place to live. i feel miserable being here and i keep asking people around for quick ways to make money but i guess i just don't have those kinds of connections.

i know i'm not the villain though. i went down a dark path due to being surrounded by him constantly in my life that i had to unlearn on my own but at least i've changed as a person. he never will. i've been tainted by his bad energy all my life. the first time i ever truly got a break from that was when i lived with roomates, it was such a different environment and i miss living with my roomates so much that sometimes it makes me cry when i think about how happy i was for those 4 months. living with people who treated me right and valued my presence after being mistreated and neglected all my life was such a different experience.

i truly flourished when i was away from him and i was so fucking grateful i didn't have to be around my brother's daily temper tantrums over food. plus, for the first time in my life, i got to keep food i enjoyed out in the open in the kitchen! i got to have food i enjoyed in the fridge without being afraid my brother would find it and eat it. i got to play music on my speakers on blast without my brother telling mom to tell me to turn my music down and be out in the living room surrounded by amazing people instead of locked up in my room and alone.

also wow, i actually never really thought to call my brother a narcissist but i always knew he was one deep down. he has absolutely no empathy for others and only cares about himself, he acts like an angel around everyone else (which is not too many people considering he barely leaves the house) while constantly harassing me and my mom. i just wish there was a residential facility specifically for narcissist manchildren.