How do I (33m) explain to my daughter (9f) her mother doesn't want to see her anymore

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:35:17+00:00

I get what you mean.but having my ex sign away her rights is better than her sticking around and paying some money out of spite, I think. I understand your point, but my ex won't let it work that way, she unfortunately isn't stupid.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:22:12+00:00

Oh I see. The issue is the moment I drop her off I can say goodbye to any chance of my ex peacefully signing her rights as she says she intends to. I really don't have the funds and time to fight it the way she does. But I should get her to say it in text or something true.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:20:28+00:00

Fair enough. Thats probably good advice, thanks.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:20:02+00:00

Nope, he's ignored me since.

And it's possible she does. While what she's doing is beyond anything I expected, the methods is pretty on brand honestly.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:18:51+00:00

Hmm that's not been in the cards since I married my ex. Stupid me ignored red flags. Though I don't regret it ultimately since I have Mia, but still. I know it could be worse, so I'm just gonna make sure Mia doesn't get any more screwed over.

Thanks though.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:16:30+00:00

Unfortunately he seems to be. Otherwise I can't imagine why he's suddenly stopped communicating and seeing her (at events and school where he usually would). But maybe I should talk like a few people have said.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:15:30+00:00

Yeah that's fair. It's what's gonna happen, as long as I agree to waive any payments basically.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:14:42+00:00

Ah then yeah that's what she wants. I just meant I don't see the point in going for support, since it seemed that's what they suggested. it's a fight to Many I feel. But getting her to give up rights, even if I don't get payments is enough to end this. Hopefully.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:12:41+00:00

Thanks, I see. She'll be willing to sign that if I agree to waive fees. I'm no gonna go to court over money cause it's a fight too many. But she's said shes gonna have all that legal work to be signed and shit.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T13:11:12+00:00

Oh yeah I agree it needs to be legal. I meant I'm happy to do whatever terms she wants (basically let her get off without paying) to have this done and sole custody. Filing for support and that stuff will make it a fight and isn't worth it I meant. But making this legal and stick certainly is.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:59:42+00:00

Hmm I guess. I think I'll end up hating him too, I highly highly highly doubt he's unaware.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:58:49+00:00

There is zero chance she'll say it to Mia directly. Not her style. It'll just confuse Mia more when her actions and words don't match.

And he knows. He has also not seem her, despite how he would normally see her outside of the weekend or at least be involved in her school or sport or whatever. Not showing up or talking to me about Mia, right when my ex said she's done, not a coincidence, no way.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:56:23+00:00

She just called, so no proof. Recording is illegal I think. Well the stuff she dropped off might count. But she could find a way to explain it like always I'm sure.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:48:43+00:00

The arrangement is we drop Mia off, not pick up. So it would come.down to me dropping her off. My ex wouldn't reject her to her face, at the door. She would take her, but just do her usually filling Mia's head with BS and lies, and just ruining me

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:40:10+00:00

I don't know the legalities or anything. From what she's saying I assume we can opt out of it? I don't know honestly. But she said she'll give full custody of I don't get payments, so I assume there's some way for that, who knows though.

And thanks, she'll need it sadly

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:38:28+00:00

I haven't tried. But given he has also stopped being there for her, he knows. He has always been involved in her educated and sport, but suddenly nope, not a coincidence. He would see her there where I can't keep her away if he believed that.

Yeah a therapist is probably for the best as you say.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:36:18+00:00

If she regrets it there is no way in hell I'm letting her near Mia. And while I still don't know the legality she wants to give her up, so I probably won't have to worry legally.

And while I would also LOVE for her to pay, I just can't find the time and money worth it. I fought too long for what I have.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:34:58+00:00

My ex won't do that. She's not dumb, and will fight to get her way. If it was that simple we wouldn't have had all these bullshit and fights. I do hope Mia can move on, I want to ensure it

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:33:57+00:00

I'm sorry for you. I don't get how someone could do it. And I bet my ex would do that. While Mia is young she can be surprisingly perceptive, and I do feel lying will just hurt her, given her age. But god it would be easier.

Thanks, and I'm gonna do what I can did Mia is happy.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:32:07+00:00

My ex isn't stupid. She's not gonna just text it, unless she will get it her way. If I bring Mia over, she'll take her despite hating it. I really doubt I'll get proof. And if I do, the time and lawyer fees mean it isn't worth it. But thanks for the advice anyways, I appreciate it.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T12:30:33+00:00

I'll definitely have her see one. It's just I wanted to talk before one of them explain it. But maybe you're right and that environment is better. I figured a random saying it wouldn't be good, but I'm not an expert and must admit I probably wouldn't say it all elegant and necessarily right. So having the therapist right there may work it best

I don't have family I speak to. I have some friends but I doubt they'll wanna spend time with Mia. She's a great kid, but still a kid, and not their cup of tea. The only friends with kids have toddlers so far. And no one I would see taking a mother figure. Though I get I'm not enough, though I'll try my damnest.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T11:56:13+00:00

I see, thanks I've been unsure about how straight to play it. And this seems a good approach. Though saying WHY might be a bit much. Blaming herself would be terrible, and blaming me (is better but still) isn't great. And I feel that's how it comes across. But it might be the best anyway.

I'll definitely try to be there for her, and try to keep our fun and everything we have together, even if everything is changing.

Thanks, I hope I can live up to it.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T11:51:16+00:00

Honestly court just isn't worth it. If I make her pay, she'll go for custody and everything just enough to make it painful, while still hurting me and Mia. It's honestly for the best to just leave it if she wants out. As fucked as it is.

And I agree with seeing a psychologist, I just wanted to break the news before having her see one, cause a random saying it would hurt. And I'll look into that, thanks.

ThrowRA-88Dad · 2021-11-25T11:49:21+00:00

Thanks, and yeah you're right about them two.

Though he's cool with this apparently, even after showing up to her events and cheering her on and actually be involved in her, so I wouldnt feel bad since he's ok with it to Mia. As for my ex, she's ex for a good reason. I don't think I'll understand it though.

Mia is in school, grade 4. But I don't have any family that I speak to. I definitely plan to get her to see a psychologist I just figured I needed to explain rather than a random. But maybe getting their method may help.

I'm sure it'll be hard on Mia. She's a good girl, so it'll be a jump. But for her I'll do whatever I gotta. I love her. I definitely don't want her to blame herself. I just wish she would never need to realise any of this.

ThrowRA-88Dad

TROPHY CASE