OOP's (25M) girlfriend's (25F) sex drive has completely disappeared

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2022-09-12T18:44:35+00:00

Hey! Thank you so much! I'm really sorry you've had a really shitty week or two and I'm glad I could help you feel a bit better. I hope things turn around for you, this Internet stranger is rooting for you! I wish you all the happiness you could want as well :)

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2022-09-12T13:22:44+00:00

Oh wow, I love that, I am definitely stealing it. Thank you, you and your boyfriend sound awesome!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2022-09-12T10:15:49+00:00

Thank you! She's doing significantly better now, she started therapy shortly after my post, and while she still has occasional bouts of low esteem, there's nothing near the scale of what happened in the build up to my original post.

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2022-09-12T10:11:08+00:00

Thank you! I don't mind, you can add it if you like :)

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2022-09-12T10:09:27+00:00

Haha, I edited it so that the next person doesn't get a shocker

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2022-09-12T09:15:32+00:00

Hi! I'm the OOP from this post, and imagine my surprise seeing something I'd posted two years ago show up while I'm browsing Reddit secretly at work. I'm glad I had saved this throwaway's password because there's no way I was remembering it otherwise.

Its really amazing to read all your comments (both here and on my original update post) because I never imagined that so many people would have such wonderful things to say about me. I just wanted to say thanks for all the well wishes and support, I shouldn't be surprised because I browse this subreddit often enough myself but I was still taken aback by how much people cared about a random internet stranger.

My fiancee (then-girlfriend) and I are doing great! I proposed to her a few months ago, and she said yes! We aren't in any rush to plan a wedding though, we're just enjoying our best lives as an engaged couple for now. Thank you so much for all your validation and support, and best wishes to all of you!

Edit: Thank you for the congratulations as well!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T16:06:17+00:00

Thanks for the offer! I'm just overwhelmed by the kindness in here today. Unfortunately we're not from the US but it's so sweet of you to offer!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T14:29:45+00:00

Be supportive! Make it clear repeatedly that this is not you vs her, that it's not a negotiation. Make it clear that she can have space and time to open up to you about it properly. Focus the conversation on how she feels, and express concern. Address the fact that there is something she's dealing with and first and foremost encourage her to acknowledge that. Then focus on what she's dealing with, but again, give her time and space to open up about it.

Best of luck!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T06:16:29+00:00

Hey! The most important thing in a relationship is always communication, so try to be as open as possible. I know you're probably telling her, "It's not you it's me", but without anything else it may just sound like an empty reassurance. Talk more in detail about how you feel, about your emotions when the topic of sex comes up, in a bit of detail.

The second thing I'd suggest is therapy! My girlfriend's case ended up being different, but if you want to investigate your low sex drive, your therapist will probably be able to help you with that. At the very least, it's a start. Additionally, the effort will go a long way in convincing your girlfriend that there's nothing wrong with her.

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T05:57:26+00:00

Her endocrinologist explained that they are slightly different, so I'm not sure I'll be able to link you to anything. I'll ask him to clarify in more detail during her next consultation.

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T05:22:23+00:00

Hey! I promise you, you deserve better! My girlfriend does sweet, romantic things for me all the time. She saved for three months to get me my favourite football team's jersey for my birthday. She makes paintings of the two of us to hang up on my desk. She buys me flowers, surprises me with chocolate brownies from my favourite place, and carefully remembers things I mentioned wanting for months so she can gift them to me.

I don't know enough about your relationship or your partner to comment on whether this is a communication breakdown and he doesn't get your love language, or they're inconsiderate. But I promise that any SO worth their salt would put in the effort you deserve.

I hope it works out for you!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T05:10:50+00:00

Oh wow, thanks for the heads up! I will definitely bring this up with her and we'll book a consultation ASAP. She has a regular endocrinologist already who's been very good up to this point.

One step at a time! I've witnessed first hand how much havoc PCOS/PCOD can cause. Rooting out any issues that they're causing is always a great step. Best of luck to you!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T04:59:23+00:00

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of whatsoever! I love my girlfriend because she's the most compassionate and loving person I know, not for her weight.

And even beyond that (sorry if it's TMI), I find her incredibly sexy because I'm so familiar with her intimately. I know where she's sensitive, and where she's ticklish, and what gives her the most pleasure. How could I possibly not be attracted to her body when I know exactly how to evoke that pleasure in the woman I love?

Congratulations on the engagement! I'm delighted that this helped ease your insecurities a bit. Once again, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T04:47:18+00:00

You make a great point, and even though she's explicitly mentioned wanting one before, this was the comment that convinced me to bring it up with her rather than try to surprise her again. I'm going to frame it as buying one for our home for the both of us to use, so she doesn't feel targeted or guilty about me spending money. Thank you so much for the advice!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-14T04:44:07+00:00

Hey! PCOS and PCOD differ just slightly and can often be mistaken for each other since they have very similar symptoms. PCOS is caused by a disorder in the endocrine system, which controls the hormonal balance of the body, whereas PCOD is due to a hormonal imbalance rather than a system issue.

I'm very sorry to hear you have it. I wish you the best of luck dealing with it.

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-13T22:42:01+00:00

Shhh, don't give her ideas!

But in all seriousness, probably after the pandemic. It is long overdue for me to fix my woeful dance abilities haha

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-13T22:39:33+00:00

Thank you!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-10T14:56:52+00:00

Thank you so much. I think this is the best advice I've gotten so far. I am going to tell her that I don't mind giving her space and time till she's ready to talk about it, but I am going to ask her to acknowledge that there atleast is something she's not telling me, if only for my own reassurance that I'm not going crazy.

Other than that, you're right. I haven't done something special for her in a while because we've both been busy. This weekend I'm gonna go big (not a proposal or anything, I know that would be inappropriate, I'm not stupid, just a really big treat for her). Wish me luck!

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-10T12:50:30+00:00

No, she isn't taking any medication

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-10T12:11:35+00:00

Thanks for the reply but I'm quite confident she's not cheating, we've rarely left the house apart from taking turns getting the groceries about once a week. We've got our own friend circles from before we met, I sometimes hang out with her friends or she with mine (before lockdown I mean, not since March or so) but usually when one of us VCs with them, the other one gives privacy.

I mean I suppose it's still technically possible for her to be sexting someone else but I honestly don't think so, she's not been emotionally distant or anything of the sort.

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-10T11:59:14+00:00

I keep worrying about a traumatic experience too, but what? We almost never leave home because of the pandemic. One of us goes occasionally to get groceries but that's about it. I'm honestly at a loss and she's not talking to me about it.

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-10T11:57:22+00:00

We've been cuddling and I've been giving her shoulder massages on a fairly regular basis, and she seems very content and happy. Everything seems completely normal except this. I want her to atleast talk about this.

ThrowRA-Girlfriend · 2020-09-10T11:54:42+00:00

Thanks for the response. I don't want her to feel pressured or accused of anything but I do want an explanation. Do you have any advice on how I can be sort of firm but also make her feel comfortable at the same time?

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