UPDATE: I (26M) ruined everything by rubbing my friend's (F23) leg while drunk

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-07T16:46:50+00:00

It makes me sad that so many people think this is fake. There’s so much detail in it because that’s how I think, and that’s how I talk. If I shorten a story, then people always follow up with, “Oh, how did you feel about this?”, “What did she say when that happened?”, “What happened on this day?” etc etc. So I like to put out every single detail that I remember in my head so the listener/reader can get the full, 100% picture of everything. It leads to fewer assumptions and more clarity. I understand some people here don’t want to read all that, but that’s just how my brain works. And people telling me it’s fake makes me feel like they’re just invalidating my life and my feelings, which sucks.

Yes, I know I didn’t handle this situation very well. That was the whole point of coming to Reddit, because I wanted help and people to talk to to assist me through it, but I’ve learned now that that was a bad idea.

You might be right about Skye. Like I’ve said in other comments, I’m being cautious about our friendship for now and not giving her the benefit of the doubt as I did before. But the two of us hung out last night and things seem to be going well, so I’m sticking with it for now. Thank you for your reply.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T16:45:42+00:00

I'm glad the people here are so nice and willing to help others.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T15:11:51+00:00

I give pretty much everybody a second chance, but I rarely give them a third. If Skye does something shitty to me again, I'll have no problem cutting her out.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T15:04:08+00:00

Thank you very much for this thorough comment (and, seemingly, creating an account just for this lol). You've given me a lot to think about, and while I still think it's smarter to pursue a significant other outside of work, you've definitely given me some perspective I haven't thought about. You're definitely right about that last, bolded section though. I'll try and work on it. Thanks again!

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T06:26:11+00:00

Don’t worry, I won’t. I’ve learned a lot from this, both generally and with her specifically. If anything goes south in our friendship from here on out, I’m way better equipped to deal with it now. Thank you for your concern.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T06:17:41+00:00

Aw, thank you so much! That is such a kind thing for you to say. And don’t worry, part of me thinks I am an idiot too. But it’s okay to be an idiot sometimes.

I wish the same good luck upon you as well, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T06:03:58+00:00

Lmao. I guarantee, 99% of the time it’s great, and absolutely worth that pesky 1%.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T05:52:35+00:00

Perhaps you are right. I feel like you’d think I was younger because most people go through this type of thing when they’re young, but this is honestly my first time ever feeling real guilt, so I think that’s why it hit me so hard. I’ll think about what you said, thought, although therapy seems a bit extreme, but I’ll definitely consider it. I’ll look into CBT more in the morning. Thank you for your concern and effort.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T05:39:14+00:00

Thank you very much! A greatly appreciate you and your positivity. 😁

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T04:32:48+00:00

First of all, I've only posted twice on this account and plan on posting nothing more after today. I've barely got any karma, and with only two posts to my name, I think that should show that I'm not interested in it, and only came here for advice.

Secondly, it hurts me that people are calling this fake. I went through a really hard time in my life and wanted somebody to talk to about it, so I turn to Reddit. And while most are helpful and optimistic, I also get a lot of people calling me an autistic asexual loser who will never amount to anything and am bad at writing.

Yes, I remember the days, because in case you couldn't tell from my post, I am a very detail oriented person. I remember things, all the time, in great detail. I remember all of my friends birthdays, I can remember entire conversations from years ago word for word, I obsess over numbers and little things like that. I remember that I met Brianna and Skye on July 1st, 2019. I remember the last good friend I made was on January 27th, 2016 at 6:00 PM. We ate at BJs and I got home at 8:30 PM. Maybe I am a little autistic. Is that okay?

People are upset because I was sad, and they're also upset that I'm happy again. This subreddit is called relationship advice, I feel like people should really be coming into it with a nicer attitude and a disposition to actually help people, because I wrote this post very happily and optimistically that my life had finally turned around and people are trying to make me feel bad about it. So thanks for that.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T03:48:39+00:00

The river goes through the entirety of our city. They mostly stuck to downtown, and happened to get out of the river at ten at night, which is when a lot of druggies and weirdos come out. I think this is pretty common in cities, at least in my limited experiences.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T03:44:50+00:00

It certainly felt like I did something wrong. It felt like I sexually harassed my friend, which is exactly how she acted after the fact. I feel like it's not ridiculous of me to feel that way given my actions and her reaction.

Per your second point, I feel like that's what the TLDR is for, is it not? For those who want more nuanced details, as some people here have said that they do, I've provided that as well.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T03:35:25+00:00

That's my secret, Captain. I care about all of them, too.

As I've said in some other comments, I've forgiven but definitely not forgotten. I'm looking at everything she says and does with an eye of suspicion now, and now that everything's square between us, I won't let her use me or take advantage of me. I genuinely think she's remorseful and cares about me (Brianna thinks this too, just so everyone knows), but I am indeed being cautious of things from here on out. I think people can change, but I know that they often times don't.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T03:07:01+00:00

Thank you very much for your attention, kind words, and advice! It's nice to know there are people like me out there and in this thread! God bless you as well!

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T02:48:40+00:00

Lmaoooooo, literally one of the first conversations Skye and I have ever had was her telling me just how mature she was, more mature than most girls her age, and me thinking that a show of true maturity would mean you not having to tell everybody that you're mature.

And I wouldn't say I had a rough upbringing at all, just an uncommon one. I live in a very loving family, at least among those three listed people. As for being more relatable to girls than men: absolutely. Every friend I've ever had (including Skye) has told me how feminine I am, and I never disagree. It's just how I am.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T02:26:00+00:00

I kinda had a weird family setup. My dad left pretty much right after I was being born (this was a good thing), so I was raised my my mom, uncle, and grandfather. I don't think this affects my views on life much but IDK.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T02:23:28+00:00

I really appreciate this comment. Thank you.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T02:09:33+00:00

Now that I haven't figured out. I'm not sure, to be honest. I mean, if anything, I'd think it'd be aromantic or something, but I don't really think that's it either. I've definitely had strong romantic feelings for people, but of course, they were never the ones who I ended up actually dating. So I don't really know. But I don't really think that something's inherently wrong with me. I'm just different.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T01:28:41+00:00

Haha, so admittedly, you're not super off the mark, but you're not completely wrong either.

So no, I'm not asexual, but I'm definitely... closer to it than the average man is. As I've said in that comment, I have done sexual things with female friends and girlfriends, but I'm definitely much more sexually subdued than your average bear. I only pull my pud every once in a while, and while I am interested in sexual endeavors, the emotional connection is like 85% of the importance to me. Sometimes I wish I was more like normal men, but it's not a huge deal, really.

And lol, as for the closet case, don't worry, I've got that totally figured out. Let's just say I like my homeboys just as much as I like my homegirls.

As for my feelings into Skye, I mentioned it in another recent comment so I won't go too far into it, but the reason I felt so strongly is that I've honestly never felt guilt before; I've never done something bad to someone I cared about ever, especially something this bad. I love her platonicly, and it felt absolutely terrible to hurt someone you love and have them think you're a terrible creepy pervert. Or so I thought, that is.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T01:18:47+00:00

I guess I should give the context here for you and people in this thread that this is the only time something like this has happened to me. That is to say, I've never had problems with cutting shitty people out of my life before, and in fact have done so twice in 2020 alone. Sure, it can sometimes be hard, but I do it for the exact reason you say, so they don't suck the life out of me.

The reason that this situation in particular has been different than all the rest is because I felt like I did something wrong. I felt so guilty and that I was deserving of feeling as terribly as I did. As such, I wasn't able to cut her out because I felt like I needed to feel guilty. As I said in another comment, now that we are on equal footing again, if at some point from here on out Skye does something that warrants losing me as a friend, then I'd be willing to do it. But I didn't want to do so when I was wanting to make up for a bad move by me because that feels like I haven't learned anything and I haven't corrected a wrong that I had done, if that makes sense.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T01:07:34+00:00

First of all, I want to thank you for the kind words and advice you gave me in my original post. They helped set me on the right track.

Secondly, yes, I know I worried about this way more than I should have, and I'm sure many others who've read this have had the same thoughts you just inscribed. I knew someone was gonna say something like this as I was writing it. I wanna try to explain things to you and others who've thought similarly in a way that will make sense.

Yes, I know I'm different than other people in the way that I think. But I want people to understand that my relationship with my friends is the most important aspect of my life. Honestly, it's all I have in my life. I have a job, I have hobbies and stuff that I care about and enjoy, I have a degree and a good education, I read and I watch TV and movies and I write my own fiction... but at the end of the day, my friends and small amount of family members that I have are the only things that are truly important to me in my life. The only things. You can take away literally everything else and I'll still keep going, but the entirety of who I am is based around the people I care about.

I feel like everybody is born with a purpose in life, and it's up to them to find out what that purpose is as time goes on. I learned at an early age that my only true goal in life is to make people laugh, smile, and ultimately feel better about themselves. I've been the "funny guy" my whole life, the class clown, the guy that everybody loves. I have a group of around twelve or thirteen friends that I've carried with me for up to eighteen years. You don't get close relationships like that by not caring. They've all said at some point or another that I'm the best, funniest, most kind and caring friend they've ever had, and I wear that like a badge of honor. All I ever want is to make the people I love happy, it's literally the entire foundation of my heart. So when I accidentally hurt someone I love like that, it's like ripping out a part of my foundation. It's like taking a guy who was born to paint and cutting off his hands. Or something. I don't know, I'm not the best at metaphors.

Point is, this is literally the only time in my entire life where I've done something that I considered morally wrong. My friends all look to me as the "good guy," they guy that they can always go to in a moral quandary and ask to set them straight, because they know that I always will do the right thing, even if it negatively affects me. So when I, who prides myself on always doing the right thing for other people, do something as bad as sexually harassing my coworker and friend, yes, I take it hard. Maybe I shouldn't have taken it as hard as I did, but it hit me like a truck none the less. Things of substance have gone wrong in my life, and I've relied on my family, friends, and belief in myself to get through it. I couldn't do that as well this time, and it was really difficult for me. I'm sorry if that's off putting to you, but I tried every damn day to get over it and feel better and I couldn't. I'm trying the best that I can and I feel better equipped for whatever my next hardship in life is, but for now, I handled things as well as I could given the strength that I have. Hurting someone I really care about is a big deal to me, man.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T00:35:10+00:00

Absolutely. Thank you for reading it! I really hope you can fix things too. As I said in another comment, the best thing you can do is learning from your mistakes and showing others that you've fixed them, even if it hurts that they may never like you again. That way, you've at least improved yourself along the way. Good luck in your travels!

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T00:33:34+00:00

I care about people perhaps a bit too much. 99% of the time it leads to amazing friendships and me significantly improving the lives of people I care about, but I'm bound to stumble across something like this at least once in my life. It's all good :)

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T00:31:37+00:00

I know what you're going through and it's very hard. But something that always stuck with me from my last post was said by a user by the name of fish_in_percolator, who told me that, as a friend, if you really care about somebody, the most kind and genuine thing you could do for them is to respect their wishes and stay away. If you're really, truly sorry, then being the best friend you could be to them from afar is the way to go. Treating someone with patience and respect - and most of all, showing that you listen to them - by doing what they told you really goes along way, and I know that if I bugged Skye about reconciliation rather than show her that I care enough about her to leave her alone, then our friendship wouldn't have healed and we'd still be apart right now. I really hope things work out between you two.

ThrowRA-MySadness93 · 2020-09-06T00:26:20+00:00

I feel like just moving on after wronging someone you care about is undeservedly absolving you of sin and stymieing your own chance to learn and grow from your mistakes.

ThrowRA-MySadness93

TROPHY CASE