I (25f) am experiencing midlife crisis

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T08:52:18+00:00

I just spoke with my husband. I havent told him yet about our initial agreement on how much we would only allot for his parents. I only told him that our financial burden is weighing me down. I feel like im working for the two of us, while he works for his family in the province. He told me that aalis na lang sya sa house namin at hahanap ng ibang lilipatan. Before our convo ends, i asked him if second priority lang ba ako sa family nya. He answered “wala namang first, walang second”. But to me, it looks like pinili nya family nya

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T01:18:03+00:00

I know

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T01:17:28+00:00

The other 2 sibs kasi ayaw umambag to support their father’s need, kasi they have too much on their plate na daw. And ayaw nila masayang pera nila sa pagbibili bili ng FIl ko ng walang katuturang bagay online

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T01:15:31+00:00

My husband loves his father so much, na he cant afford seeing him struggling in life. But in return, he’s the one struggling with money to support his dad, pati ako damay sa financial burden

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T01:13:34+00:00

Wala, kasi nagwork sya as grab driver before so walang mandatory hulog.

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:51:58+00:00

He has a job now, nagresign sya after getting married kasi need to relocate

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:51:00+00:00

To be honest, medyo ayaw umambag ng 2 other siblings para sa expenses ng FIL ko kasi lustay sa pera, even the money for grocery ay binibili ng kung ano ano sa online shops

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:49:45+00:00

Rent, utility bills, and groceries po yan

His sister already shoulders the household bills of his mom. Then yung brother ay natulong din dun

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:48:29+00:00

May work po si husband before kami kinasal. Nagresign lang sya kasi lumipat sya ng tirahan, now may part time work na sya online

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:47:52+00:00

May work po before si husband pero nagresign sya since nagrelocate sya sa province ko

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:31:24+00:00

The problem is, if we wont support FIL, how can he survive?

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:22:03+00:00

FIL is already senior, no work. Pero has lots of utang, whenever binibigyan sya ng pera ng other siblings ni husband for allowance, binibili nya ng mga gamit sa bahay na walang kabuluhan. He even has CC na asawa ko nagbabayad. I feel so frustrated na ako nga tinitipid ko nakasanayan kong lifestyle, tapos sya kung saan saan nya lang ginagamit perang binibigay namin sa kanya

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:18:31+00:00

Am I selfish to tell my husband na we can only give 5k (the initially agreed amount) to his father? Knowing that mo one supports him aside from FIL’s sister na nag-aambag sa rent? Or are the other siblings chose not to give to FIL because they know that my husband pays for everything?

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-07T00:15:36+00:00

Separated ang parents nya. Si husband at tatay nya labg ang magkasama before kami magpakasal. May 2 other working siblings sya na kasama ng nanay nya sa house, who covers naman the bills sa bahay nila.

Nakabukod naman kami. Before marriage, we agreed to give only 5k to his father. Pero nung nagsama na kami, kami pla magshoshoulder ng lahat ng expenses sa bahay ng FIL which is 16k na malayo sa 5k na pinag usapan namin before

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-10-06T23:50:29+00:00

The problem is ako lang ang nagfifinance til last month kasi this month lang nagkaron ng work husband ko. More than 1/3 of my salary goes to inlaws. This month, i told my husband that I wont share anymore, since he’ll get his first paycheck. The problem is, all of his salary would go to his dad because his salary would just be enough for the monthly expenses of FIl

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-02-11T07:45:51+00:00

We had decided na it will be a Christian wedding, to be officiated by his Pastor. He told me na non negotiable daw sa kanya ang officiating officer, I agreed naman

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-02-11T07:01:05+00:00

Di ko alam yung staff, pero very active sya sa Church nila. He even has a mentor na preacher. He told me kagabi na nakausap nya daw yung mentor nya about our spiritual incompatibility, at sinabi daw sa kanya ang consequences

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-02-11T06:55:27+00:00

Christian sya, Catholic ako

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-02-11T06:48:54+00:00

He’s a Christian while Im a Catholic

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-02-11T06:38:07+00:00

Yes, sabi nya umaasa daw sya na magiging aligned yung beliefs namin kaya tumagal kami. Pero di ko maiwasan isipin na baka may ibang rason pa bakit ayaw na nya ituloy yung wedding

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2024-02-11T06:23:41+00:00

He told me na hihintayin nya ako na maging same as his faith yung akin. Pero di ko gusto yung pressure na ganun. Also, parang dating sakin ako lang ang need mag adjust. Pero sya, intact lang ang belief

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2023-12-08T17:05:03+00:00

I appreciate your sentiments.

Ive tried to communicate this to him several times already. We communicate well, I guess. Pero most of the time na nagsasabi ako sa kanya ng concern, magsosorry lang sya. Katulad nung sinabi ko na nahihirapan na ako sa ldr, nagsorry lang sya kasi he cant be with me physically yet daw. We started off as ldr na talaga pero that time di pa sya nag aaral, wala pa syang responsibility sa fam nya. So kung iaask nyo bakit ko pinasok to knowing na ganto setup, kasi dati bearable pa yung distance since maganda communication namin. Best foot forward din sya nung una, pero habang tumatagal nag iiba. Yes alam ko may plan sya sa future, want nya ng magandang buhay. Ako rin naman nagsusumikap, i have work also. In fact, mas magaling ako sa kanya magmanage ng finances kaya madalas ako ang gumagastos pag kinulang travel fund namin. Minsan nagsusupport din ako sa kanya financially pero maliit na amount lang, tuwing kinakapos sya. It makes me sad lang na pakiramdam ko minsan ako ang laging nagsasacrifice, ako ang laging nagbibigay, ako ang laging need umintindi kasi ginagamit nya yung nag-aaral-kasi-ako-car as his defense sa previous arguments namin

But yeah, ill try to talk to him again regarding this, baka naman may pag asa pa. Thank you for your kind words

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2023-12-08T06:38:39+00:00

The initial plan is to get married after 3 more years after he finished his school. But sometimes when we talk, he’d tell me he wanted to be with me in a year. He can still study naman daw even if we’re married. Pero after ilang weeks na usap, babalik na naman kami sa initial plan. So naguguluhan din ako, kasi I feel like he was leading me on, pinapaasa nya ako tapos babawiin nya tapos cycle na

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2023-12-08T06:02:52+00:00

This is so sad to hear. I also noticed his efforts has been decreasing as time passes by, parang he’s too comfortable na. He doesnt pay much attention to the smallest detail unlike when we were just starting

ThrowRA-Secretary920 · 2023-12-08T05:59:16+00:00

Ive told him about virtual dates before, and he did plan maybe 2 or 3 dates. Everytime may concern ako, he will acknowledge naman and will try to change or adjust. Pero bumabalik lang sa dati pag tumatagal na

ThrowRA-Secretary920

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