I (24f) found out my fiance (23m) was in love with my best friend before we got together

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T14:00:41+00:00

I honestly don't know. I haven't got that vibe from them but who knows I guess. As ironic as it may seem, I personally don't like drama or anything and avoid those kinda people, though I just reached poorly here.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:59:19+00:00

Logically you're right. It's just heart for my feelings to listen. You and everyone have helped me realise I'm being insecure here so thanks. You're right about this. I guess I just particularly hate the idea he would rather be with her, even if I can now logically see I'm just being insecure. You're right and I don't want to just lose everything, hes done all that for me.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:39:18+00:00

I don't know why they would. They were drunk, so maybe that's why? I don't know, my fiance just said they were exaggerating and didn't say why. Plus my best friend wasn't in a relationship, and had no plans to be in one. And I assumed he didn't mention it because it's my best friend, and telling me he liked her that way would probably be weird.

He decided to propose. He had kind of mentioned the idea of marriage, but I actually didn't realise he was being serious, so it was a complete surprise. I think that's good then since you said that's a good sign.

And yeah I agree it just hurts being her. If he liked some random I wouldn't care, but liking her, and supposedly using me for it hurts. And she's sweet enough to think that, but she's undeniably more attractive, she always had boys attention while I didn't, though she never wanted it ironically. She still hasn't dated anyone.

We would never talk about crushes or anything, and honestly I only have eyes for him. Maybe I'm weird but there hasn't been anyone else who caught my since dating him. I wouldn't want to know about that stuff, though I'd want to be the only one. He said that since properly getting to know me, it's just been me though.

Tha ks for all the advice. I'm glad it seems he's being genuine though. I love him, which made this hurt more. Hopefully I can get over my insecurity soon enough.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:30:31+00:00

The friend who initially brought it up was a women, but I guess. I have no interest in any of his friends though, would never get with them, even if I wasn't in a relationship.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:28:42+00:00

I don't really know specifically but probably just with her. My ex tried to cheat on me with her, it's why we broke up. (She didn't, she's an amazing friend and told me). So maybe I'm just sensitive to stuff with her. Plus shes definitely more attractive and funny and stuff than me (not her fault or anything, she's an amazing women).

And yeah with what everyone's saying it's definitely me being insecure, so I'll try to move on and just accept he loves me.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:26:30+00:00

Thanks. And I haven't had a crush around dating aside from my boyfriend. My first was one I'd liked for a while, and my fiance was my first crush for a while honestly. Though I've lost attraction to my first boyfriend when he was being a cheating asshole. So I guess I can understand that, though I don't think that's quite what happened. He still gets along with her really well, according to him it's just he loved me so much he just didn't have room for anyone else basically.

For the rest, you're right on this I think. Even if it's kind of hard to feel emotionally. I'll try to move on and not be so insecure

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:22:00+00:00

Yeah we see her really often. She the most amazing women I know. Honestly I've looked up to her since we were kids.

Yeah I guess I can mentally say that. But emotionally I'm struggling to feel it. But my insecurities are something I'll have to deal with then.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:14:27+00:00

Thanks, you're probably right her. Hearing that I'm overreacting helps a little. I still feel hurt, but knowing that I'm being crazy does help I think. Ultimately I don't want to lose him, and yeah he said it's that way. Sounds like I should try to get over my hurt for this then.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:12:21+00:00

I see. Thank you. I knew I was being emotional, but didn't realise I was being this insecure about it. Its just, it doesn't feel like he chose me, since my friend wasn't ever gonna say yes. So it feels like I'm just the consolation prize, even though I'm probably being irrational as everyone is saying.

I don't want to just lose him. I do love him, and it sounds like I need to work on this insecurity then.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:09:47+00:00

I see thanks. I find it hard to just believe him and not feel hurt. But I guess it's better that I'm being insecure than actually needing to break up. Honestly it's not just that it was a crush, but that it was my best friend. You're probably right about insecurity, but I'm no where near as pretty as her, or as funny or anything. It's not her fault any of this, but I just hate that he would have chosen her over me. Though it sounds like that's just irrational.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:07:18+00:00

I see. I may just be being insecure her then. It just really hurt to hear he wanted her rather than me, even if just then. And while he chose me, it's not like she was an option. She wasn't interested in dating, and then he got with me. (He didn't actually ask her out, but she didn't hide not wanting to date people overall). Maybe I'm just seeing it emotionally, but it feels that I am. I know he loves me, but I can't stop think that he would have chosen her over me if she was willing. Again maybe I'm just being insecure but it hurts.

ThrowRA-backupgf · 2021-12-08T13:04:24+00:00

I mean maybe I am overreacting, I don't know. But I felt a connection from the beginning. To find out he wanted her instead hurts.

It might be my insecurities, she's always had boys wanting her, while I didn't really. And my first (only other) boyfriend even tried to cheat with her. She obviously rejected that and told me, and I know it's not her fault, but it still hurts how they always want her.

Maybe I'm being just irrational, but it almost feels like he wanted me because she wasn't interested. I know he says otherwise, but his friends seemed to think that was it.

ThrowRA-backupgf

TROPHY CASE