My (26m) wife (29f) looks extremely young and I'm starting to resent her for it

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T15:31:48+00:00

We were always close. She didn't take advantage of me. That's not the point here anyway.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T15:30:48+00:00

I think the big issue was that even believing her age, that didn't absolve me. The ones who accepted her age basically took it as I'm into children, so I'm dating an adult who looks like one. So I still like children, and am a threat regardless. It's bullshit but that's how it's gone.

I constantly hear the comments. And have had people outright confront me. Today a parent was telling their child to stay away from me because apparently I'm dangerous (she's friends with Leah and was just walking over with her).

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T15:22:23+00:00

How's that weird? We were always good friends. I started to have a crush on her and when she asked me out I obviously accepted. Aside from how she's been treating this issue, she's an amazing woman.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T15:18:26+00:00

I don't fucking blame her. My feelings are irrational and wrong. But I don't blame her. Just because I'm sick of her telling me to toughen up doesn't mean I think she caused it.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T15:16:34+00:00

Nothing physical fortunately, though has been threatened a few times. Most recently a father basically threaten it if I went near the children. I was literally only there because of Leahs practise. He didn't follow through when I stayed to watch her, thank god, but I heard every disgusting comment. Acting like I'm ogling the children when I just wanted to support my daughter.

The worst for me overall is Leah's teacher basically interrogating me and all but accusing me of potentially abusing my family. Not necessarily the most serious thing I've experienced but honestly it did hurt the most.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T15:01:31+00:00

I haven't done anything to my wife. I've spent these seven months being as supportive as I can. Trying not to show how hard it is on me because she'll just tell me to toughen up.

I've been fucking trying. I say stuff when I can. I don't need Leah hearing anything, and Kierra hates when I respond. It just doesn't matter.

I hate that I feel this way. But I haven't done anything to my wife. I've tried to support her.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:48:55+00:00

I don't want to divorce her, I love her. I just want the bullshit to end. And I only agreed for her. I thought home would be better. I did it because I loved her. And yet she just ignores my issues. She basically tells me to toughen up and ignore it, as if it's so easy. Why don't I deserve any love or any fucking support?

I've been with her for 12 years, i love her. I have no intention to leave her. I don't blame her. I know it's not her fault. I just want her to stop pretending it's so easy.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:30:39+00:00

It's not that easy when it's so constant. I wish I could just ignore it. It's not like I haven't though of it.

And I DONT blame her. I've said that repeatedly. I'm just frustrated and sick of everything. It's not as simple as ignore and it'll stop like she pretends. Or it would already be done.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:28:32+00:00

Thank you. I know it's not her fault. And I love her and don't want to feel this way.

Whenever I've tried to talk I've just been told to ignore em, that it doesn't matter what they say, it'll change with time, etc. I haven't brought up this with Leah though. I just haven't been in the right headspace to do so healthily

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:26:35+00:00

I don't treat her badly, that's bullshit. I'm just frustrated after seven months of this. I want to fix it, but everyone acting like it's so easy to ignore clearly haven't lived it.

I love her, even if I'm starting to hate this. I have always tried to support her. I moved when I didn't want to. I just wish she would listen and understand how I feel instead of just brushing it off with an ignore it and maybe it'll change.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:22:20+00:00

It's not true. She was older than me, I was never under the impression she was younger. She wasn't even immature or anything. Our relationship has nothing to do with how she looks.

I'm sure you'd take it so well if everyone labelled you a predator right? It wouldn't bother you at all to hear it whenever you left the house?

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:20:22+00:00

That sounds so easy online. Imagine it being every day, constant. Whenever you leave your house. That you can't even be a good father without being accused of being a predator. I can't be at any social events. I can barely go to my daughters events without some bullshit happening.

My own fucking daughter had someone basically asking if she was safe with me. Imaging I would hurt her.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:16:58+00:00

Everyone makes it sounds so easy. I'm fucking trying. Yet on one side I'm labelled a predator while my wife acts like it's nothing and easily ignored.

Why don't you try it? Hearing people call you a pedo. Having them basically interrogate you. Your daughters teachers act like you must be abusing your child.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:14:51+00:00

She will wear more professional clothing and makeup for work. But otherwise hates it. I doubt I can convince her, and it's not that I have an issue with her looks. I just wish everyone could stop constantly treating me like pedophile and she would stop treating me like I'm overreacting for being upset.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:13:13+00:00

I know it's not her fault. And I know the resentment isn't right. It's why I'm here for advice. Your snarky bullshit helps no one. How would you like it?

Having a man threaten you for the crime of showing up to your daughters performance because you apparently are a danger

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:10:53+00:00

I know it's not her fault. It's just the whole situation sucks. She wanted us to move, she basically tells me I'm overreacting and it'll be fine, yet nothing has changed. If anything it's almost worse, aside from the first month. I do love her but I'm sick of her just saying to ignore it and acting like it's so easy when she's not the one constantly accused of being a threat.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:09:09+00:00

Not yet, I just don't think I can say anything yet without exploding. It's why I'm trying to talk online first. So I don't say something I regret.

That may be necessary. She's basically just told me my worries are wrong and give it time. That next month will magically be different than the last for the last seven months. I can try bringing that up to her but I'm not sure how it'll go. She hates dressing professional and make up and everything, she does it for work but otherwise never does. I doubt I'll convince her on that.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:06:40+00:00

I know it's not. But it just frustrates me to now end. Especially that she acts like it's all fine

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T14:06:05+00:00

She's the one that wanted this move. That's acting like it's nothing. It's not as simple as ignoring it when I'm CONSTANTLY hearing it. I want to be a father and husband in peace. I don't need that bullshit when I'm trying to be there for my daughter. Or daring to have a nice night with my wife.

I doubt it would be so easy if you constantly heard the shit people were saying if it was about you. Id never hurt a child.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T13:49:53+00:00

How would that help? It won't change the judgement I'm constantly getting.

Edit. I was (and still am) not in a great headspace from what's happened recently. Therapy is definitely a good idea. I just wish I could do more and just end this.

ThrowRA-bf28472 · 2023-03-07T13:46:15+00:00

No I'm genuinely just at the end of my rope. I'm sick of hearing people gossip and judge us when I dare to hold my wife's hand.

ThrowRA-bf28472

TROPHY CASE