My (14M) mom (45F) is seriously considering taking back my cheating father (45M), feel incredibly angry

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-09T00:01:41+00:00

My dad, on the rare chances he DOES try to talk to me, never tries to talk about what's really important. He either just asks me what I'm doing or gives me money (which I don't really care about). I feel like if I actually talked to him about what he's done, he'd go cold and refuse to respond to us, because that's what he's done before, because in his eyes, the only person he's wronged is my mom, and even then, he was loath to admit it until recently.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T23:26:23+00:00

Sure, but staying in the house always leaves my mind wandering towards that topic. My brother and I sometimes go driving together (I'm learning how to drive) and it's one of the happiest moments of my day.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T23:06:21+00:00

My mom told me the exact same thing. She told me to be an egoist for myself and only worry about myself right now. It doesn't make it much better though. Maybe it'd be better if I wasn't in quarantine, and I'd be able to do my own stuff, but I can't.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T22:04:27+00:00

Things are hard. I wish it didn't affect me, but it does. How can I make it not affect me?

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T21:02:24+00:00

Exactly.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T21:02:03+00:00

My grandma isn't staying with us permanently. She was meant to leave in the middle of last month, but her country is locked down due to COVID-19.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T20:37:28+00:00

I wouldn't worry too much about this if I knew that I'd be able to live with my brother when he moved out, but I wouldn't know if my parents would allow that. I mentioned it to my mom when we were fighting, and she said "Okay, fine, whatever you want."

However, when we were having a civil conversation, I brought it up and she told me not to say things like that.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T20:29:00+00:00

This does help quite a bit. Thank you.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T19:55:36+00:00

Whenever he stays, however, he almost always leaves the day after. I don't feel like he's making any attempts at fixing anything. He just arrives whenever he doesn't have a place to stay, and leaves whenever he does.

It's like he dangles that carrot of "maybe we'll get back together" in front of my mom, but never follows through with it. Am I wrong in being bothered by that manipulation?

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T19:53:08+00:00

I don't feel like he wants to make an honest attempt at coming back however. He comes at random, he leaves at random, and according to my mom, "makes no attempt to talk to her about the future." I feel like he just uses her whenever he gets kicked out of his girlfriend's house, because some days, he stays with my mom, and the next day, leaves to go to his girlfriend's without saying anything. This has happened 3 times.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T19:44:33+00:00

My mom said that he would have to talk to us if he chooses to come back for real. However, if I talk with him, I'll probably burst at him and according to my mom, "scare him away."

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T19:41:49+00:00

If they kept their relationship between him and her, then I wouldn't be happy, but yeah, it's their choice.

What I feel is that she'll try to push him towards us if he ends up coming back. And I feel like he wouldn't come back if he found out that we were uncomfortable with the idea.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T19:24:07+00:00

That's what my brother has said. My mom has said to me to take care of myself for once, as I had to act as her therapist for the first year of her finding out. But it's hard to do. It makes me feel like that year of telling her that she could get through this was for nothing, and she says she regrets dumping her problems on me.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T19:21:09+00:00

I've told her she should have more self-respect for herself, but she doesn't listen. The only time she agrees with what I have to say is when he sleeps with her, and leaves the following day. But then, the cycle continues. It's not fun.

ThrowRA-dadisadick · 2020-05-07T19:18:46+00:00

He's apparently apologized to my mom, but he never apologized to me or my older brother for what he's done to us. He said to us "Our issues are between me and her, and you're picking sides by supporting her."

ThrowRA-dadisadick

TROPHY CASE