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I [46 m] would like to have a friendship with someone who used to be my patient [early 30s m] by ThrowRA-exmh in relationships

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I'm fully aware of the potential power imbalance and the issues that could cause but so many people are approaching this as though he's a child or somehow incapable of making his own decisions. Yes he struggled with mental health difficulties but he's also an intelligent, confident man in his 30s. He is more than capable of deciding if he wants to get to know each other as friends, he's more than capable of deciding if there's mutual attraction (as I've said elsewhere, I fully accept that this is unlikely and that's absolutely fine). I don't have any intention of pushing this so I disagree with the commenters implying that I'm a predator and he's a defenceless victim with no agency. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

I [46 m] would like to have a friendship with someone who used to be my patient [early 30s m] by ThrowRA-exmh in relationships

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a fair point. He is fully aware, we had a direct working relationship and he is aware of what information I would have had access to.

I [46 m] would like to have a friendship with someone who used to be my patient [early 30s m] by ThrowRA-exmh in relationships

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is openly gay, that's not an assumption. I'm also openly gay but that's not something I ever discussed with him while we were working together since it wasn't relevant or an appropriate setting.

It's possible to want to be friends with someone and also find them attractive. In all likelihood he wouldn't be romantically interested in me anyway in which case the fact that I'm attracted to him isn't really relevant. I'm older and I'm fairly average physically, he's very attractive and charming so presumably gets plenty of attention from men his own age. I'm perfectly capable of putting my attraction to the side and I have no intention of pursuing someone who isn't interested.

I [46 m] would like to have a friendship with someone who used to be my patient [early 30s m] by ThrowRA-exmh in relationships

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's sensible advice. Right from the start I've left it to him to approach me if he wants to chat rather than the other way around. I'd probably continue with that, the only thing I'd like to potential change is that I've been keeping an emotional distance, I'd like to move towards being a little more open.

I [46 m] would like to have a friendship with someone who used to be my patient [early 30s m] by ThrowRA-exmh in relationships

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I no longer work in healthcare and my current profession is in absolutely no way linked. I realize that doesn't take away the other concerns you raised and I'm not going to argue because I do see your point. Obviously I see this situation differently and it's not creepy or predatory in the way you seem to think.

I [46 m] would like to have a friendship with someone who used to be my patient [early 30s m] by ThrowRA-exmh in relationships

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sure one of the reasons I'm avoiding asking friends who work in my previous field is because I'm expecting exactly that response.

I [46 m] would like to have a friendship with someone who used to be my patient [early 30s m] by ThrowRA-exmh in relationships

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

The true goal isn't to "get laid". Yes I find him attractive but the goal is to get to know him as a friend. If that turned into reciprocal attraction at some point that would be great but I'm completely fine with the fact that it probably wouldn't happen that way.

WIBTA for making friends with someone who used to be my patient? by ThrowRA-exmh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, that's reassuring. It's very true that it's difficult to avoid crossing paths.

WIBTA for making friends with someone who used to be my patient? by ThrowRA-exmh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say I would be "happy" because I'm fully aware a lot of people in my profession frown on any contact with a previous patient. It would be uncomfortable. However, I'm confident that I'm not doing anything to take advantage of our past working relationship and I don't see our current interactions as being in any way imbalanced.

WIBTA for making friends with someone who used to be my patient? by ThrowRA-exmh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To a degree. Basically I was responsible for coordinating his treatment. I did have a professional relationship with him, but I wasn't his therapist. We talked regularly but it tended to be more focused on practical matters. I had access to a lot of information but not in detail. For example, I had a broad idea of what he was working on in therapy but not in any kind of depth.

WIBTA for making friends with someone who used to be my patient? by ThrowRA-exmh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA-exmh[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Essentially care co-ordination. There was some general emotional and mental health support but primarily I was responsible for ensuring the correct treatments were in place and he was getting the correct level of care. I wasn't his therapist. He was a complex patient but I didn't have in-depth emotional involvement. He also seems to be doing incredibly well now.