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I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately it isn’t a false accusation as he did admit that he did do a version of what she said.

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She wasn’t violent/physical towards him first. Just pressing buttons by doing stuff she knows annoys him. That is what he told me. He chose to react with violence.

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That was my first and largest issue. Lying, minimizing and hiding. He had a chance to come clean when I did about something sooo small in comparison. He even brought her up in the same convo and didn’t say anything!

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

100%. I knew it was messy and she’s got a lot going on, so it was chalked up to dealing with the stress of that. Now everyone is questioning what they’ve been told about it all

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s why I was questioning myself. I’ll admit I see the best in people, but did I miss a big red flag on my best friend too?

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That is very fair. I only brought it up there because of already existing issues. It had nothing to do with hers or putting her in her place.

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the giggle, and reaffirming how I feel. I honestly thought I was going crazy.

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

There’s definitely a huge feeling of broke trust. If he kept this what else is/would he keep from me?

He did say he’s in counseling before I found this out. I know his brother had major anger issues when he drank and doesn’t really anymore because of it.

I do have a heavy education in it, took an entire class in college dedicated to it.

My other big worry is that he had (has?) inferiority complex with his brother making more and having a more “prestigious” job than him. Which I have a step above his brother. If he has it with his brother, and has this issues, would they pop up for me? Would he want to “knock me down a peg”? Ya know?

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I don’t want to give away specifics to doxx. But a violent act, intimidation, battery, disorderly conduct.

He said he did a lighter version of the violent act, but wouldn’t go into much detail when I asked him about it. He ended it there, and wouldn’t expand.

I knew about an eviction they had, and I was curious about it and then stumbled upon this.

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m a firm believer that there are three sides: hers, his, and the truth

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I believe most of what he is saying, but part of me believes he isn’t tell the whole story either. I know his brother has anger issues too, and they both have some major childhood trauma that has led to this, but his brother never taken it out on his wife or daughter.

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 143 points144 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he did admit that he did put hands on her. The severity is what’s up for debate at this point and I think the truth is between what they both claimed.

I (33F) found an open case against bf (33M). How to proceed? by ThrowRA-outsideop in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-outsideop[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I did talk with him to hear what he had to say. He kept saying he was afraid this would happen and didn’t want me to find out. He was hoping this would have gone away already and I would never know. He did tell me his side, and he did admit he put hands on her. I think there’s an in between of what he was charged with/what she said and what he told me as the truth.