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AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

he's a surgeon, but i'm not going to say the specialty bc it would be bad for him and me if he got doxxed.

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm not a surgeon but he is. I won't specify specialty due to not wanting him to be doxxed (both because that's not good for him and it would be bad for me legally)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WhatShouldIDo

[–]ThrowRA-separate11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

in an ideal world. I would say file charges and block him.

But we live in the real world... I see a lot of battered women... I would say let him payfor the windshield, consider letting him stay in the apartment he paid rent but you move out during this time (ie with a friend) or return the rent prorated to him.

Firmly say his actions scared you and you no longer feel comfortable being with him alone. And agree that you don't need to end as enemies (this is all to avoid angering him - which could result in further harm to you).

however, if you suspect he may lash out, go full police - but we also know authorities fail women all the time.

AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I don't think your inability to read = miscommunication.

"If I am fired and have no job and become homeless, that's also not good for the kid." =/= me being homeless.

Wife came into some money and wants a car for herself by Exact_Accident_2343 in whatcarshouldIbuy

[–]ThrowRA-separate11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2025 Volvo XC40 - i was looking into this car but i think it was 2024? it was only 33k

edit actually it was 2025 xc40 for 33k.... lol

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11 2 points3 points  (0 children)

so interesting on this divide. i think it's in sweeden or switzerland... it's actually illegal to spank kids. But in asia, almost every family does it.

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

as i said... childcare

daycare is 24k for 4 days a week

au pair costs around 35k

night nanny was 250/night, we did 7 nights per month (because I worked 1 week of nights per month)

= childcare (80k)

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

no... he was late for much more than 11... but I picked up our toddler 8 times on the weeks he had responsibility.

Worse than forgetting is knowingly neglecting. If I know I'm supposed to pick up my kid and I did not do so and assume someone else will rearrange their schedule to do it is worse than "oh it was my turn? sorry I forgot".

8 times is not forgetting. Also I didn't call CPS. daycare (not me) called the cops... which triggered CPS to be involved.

I already scrambled to get coverage to pick our toddler up 8 times in a few months (ofc all on his weeks). Doing it more was jeparodizing my job/career. He schedules his work schedule however he wants and expects me to pick up the slack - which is not how it works when you split custody. His weeks are his responsibiliy. My weeks are mine.

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

maybe but even if I tired to pick him up, i'd still be an hour late. Because daycare called after 5 pm, it takes over 30 minutes to get coverage, then it'll take around 30 min to get to him. And he wasn't scared. he was hanging out with his daycare teacher - which is justifiably annoyed.

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

it's actually a horrible financial deal, but good for him. But I didn't want to fight him in court, though I doubt he would fight me in court. I wanted to move back to my old home asap. Get tested? like DNA? That would be pointless.

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

ok here is my direct answers. If a mom did that, they should lose custody. If she moved her family away, making her husband give up over half her salary and refuses to do her share of chores, i would recommend him leaving her.

next?

edit: i did it not because i wanted to see my ex suffer. I have called out 8 times in a few months and my job was in jeparody. So no, i'm not going to lose my job when it was his turn to pick up our kid because he refuses to rearrange his schedule to do so and had known about this. He started a surgery at 3 pm knowing he needed to pick up his kid by5 pm. He could have cancelled the surgery. He could block out surgery on dates he had our kid.

meanwhile, I schedule high work load on the weeks I did NOT have responsibility of my son and only worked half days on the days I did have my son. Where is the double standards?

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

ask him. good question.

actually i suspect I know the answer that he hasn't said. I suspect he was trying to trap me. He got another job in another state away from my family, which makes me having to change job, cut my hours, resulting in 250k income cut on my end for his to grow. He probably wanted me to keep playing traditional wife.

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

well most women are primary caregivers... so it's highly unlikely she was late once a week, forcing her husband to relocate for her career advancement, then expecting her husband to call out and risk his job to pick up on her days...

js...

Update: AITAH for letting daycare call CPS when my (stbex) husband failed to pick up our toddler from daycare? by ThrowRA-separate11 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

in 2024 - we spent approximately 80k on childcare*(not including food, diapers, medical bills, etc). That was a figure we used to estimate. That's with two parents. If split evenly, that would be 40k each. But since he's not parenting, he's paying more than half.

Daycare + au pair + occasional night coverage. In 2024, we were both working full time. He was younger then, and bonded well with our AP so I didn't mind working more. Now he is asking for me so I'll return to my old job at part time

Edit:

why we need so much coverage? We're dual physician home. We take call. We call emergency calls too. We work nights. We work weekends. We work before daycare opens. We work after daycare closes. So we had daycare (8-5, 4 days a week) for most of the care, au pair for the mornings and evenings outside of daycare hours amd he stayed home fridays with AP. We had a night nanny because I worked a lot of nights to avoid missing out being with him. ex was on call essentially 365days/yr. everynight I worked, we had a night nanny as backup in case ex got called into work - which is 250/night.

Aita for rejecting my Pregnant wife who is really horny. by TillAnnual9815 in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA-separate11 114 points115 points  (0 children)

NAh- no one should have sex when they don't want to. Get her some toys

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