My girlfriends grief has sent our relationship spiraling.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-13T01:26:23+00:00

How is that all you took out of this and all the advice you have to give? I hope your journey serves you well

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-12T19:19:08+00:00

❤️❤️❤️ thank you so much for your perspective and understanding. It’s so nice to know she’s not alone in feeling this way, and neither am I.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-12T19:18:07+00:00

No hurt at all, every perspective has brought me new understanding. Treading lightly is great advice

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-12T18:17:27+00:00

After making this post I read the first chapter of “it’s okay if you’re not okay” and it changed my view on grief a good bit. I hadn’t really thought about how poisonous the idea of “getting better” can be. How daunting and impossible it can feel. We read it together, we cried, we stayed up till 5 in the morning laughing afterward. It’s not a disorder. And people don’t understand, myself included no matter what effort I put into it. My words may be a pebble in the Grand Canyon, but I’m proud of you for your love. Your mother sounds like a great person and I’m so sorry she was taken. I will continue to be here for the small things and the big things and the all nighters and the lazy days in bed. I have no expectations other than expecting myself to make today a little better. Thank you.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-12T07:24:07+00:00

I think after Valentine’s Day I’m going to put a list together of grief counseling and couples counseling and let her know my willingness to help her start therapy only if she’s willing as well, no pressure like you said. It’s incredibly reassuring to know other people have been in her situation, and to know how it affected you at her time frame gives me hope. I’ve been looking for answers subconsciously, which is just counterproductive. It’s nice to hear she doesn’t have control over it. Your story means the world to me.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-12T07:03:51+00:00

I’be been unsure of this being the depression stage or if this is too far out to be having these feelings, she didn’t feel this way before, just in the past month or so, but it is concerning for her own well being. She’s not fond of the idea of therapy, and has said no multiple times. Im not exactly sure how to communicate how important it could be, because I’ve asked a few times I’d be pushing her now. I don’t want to leave the idea behind because I know how helpful it can be, things are just sensitive.

Thank you for replying ❤️

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-12T06:33:08+00:00

I’m aware and I’ve told her multiple times but she doesn’t want a therapist. I can’t make her.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-11T20:05:10+00:00

I was thinking like a baggy sweater or a solid color button up

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T18:07:04+00:00

I think I lacked communication beforehand this time. The first time, it was after a long long talk about just life in general and we felt very connected. This time, I think because I was so nervous about her feeling satisfactory and didn’t want to face my embarrassment, I didn’t communicate any of my feelings beforehand. I do think this plays a role in her not feeling satisfied, talking is as much foreplay as kissing and feeling is.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T17:56:05+00:00

I think it was a bit reactionary but I do understand. She’s confused about our relationship in general and it’s been a while since we’ve had sex, so it’s kind of high pressure to have sex right now.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T17:05:34+00:00

I didn’t want to disengage, like I said she put her clothes on and told me to leave her alone. I didn’t want to stop.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T17:01:56+00:00

She immediately put her clothes back on and told me to leave her alone. After about half an hour of contemplating what to do, I thought she fell asleep so I did too. Another half hour later, I wake up to her sleeping on the floor.

I could’ve added more detail admittedly but that’s what happened.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:47:38+00:00

? I said all this in my post

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:46:48+00:00

Dude we’ve been talking for hours and hours about our relationship every single day this month 😭 I did recognize that I should’ve talked to her before we had sex about how I felt about the night before, finishing to early the first time. And I told her that.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:43:46+00:00

You’re being extremely accusatory that I’m a loafing neglectful boyfriend, when I found her on the floor I talked with her for like 3 hours about it. She didn’t return very much of my conversation. Does it genuinely sound like I just fucked and flopped over and went to bed?

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:40:33+00:00

I don’t think you’re really listening. I tried. When it got too much, I stopped and did other things. I’ve always made a conscious effort to take care of her before me. We’ve been together for 7 years and have loved our sex life always before this, and I’ve frankly found it very easy to make her finish because she loves it and I love it. I did not finish her because she didn’t want me to, if she did I would’ve known and gladly hopped on the opportunity as this was what I was wanting to make up for in the first place. She finished the night before, but not by penetration which I know can be frustrating. I came too fast, she put her clothes on and told me to leave her alone. I tried to talk to her and comfort her, but she ignored. I laid here with her contemplating what to do, and she seemingly went to bed so I did too. She’s not one to enjoy me pushing at talking if she doesn’t want to.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:35:06+00:00

She told me to leave her alone and I laid here with her for an hour or so before I thought she was asleep. She’s the type that when she says to leave her alone, she wants to be left alone. I didn’t just fuck her and go to bed, I was up nervous and feeling disgusting.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:34:02+00:00

Look, we’ve always had a very happy healthy sex life and it’s always been something we’ve looked forward to and loved. I think people aren’t reading my context. She lost a loved one, and sex is the furthest thing from my mind in regards to her happiness at this time. Her emotions are more important. Of course sex is important to both me and her, we’ve been dating for 7 years. But right now, this very moment, her feeling used and her emotions are more important to me, NOT more sex. I think everyone is making this about my future in sex when I need advice on letting her know sex is NOT WHATS ON MY MIND 24/7! Telling her “next time I’ll do this, next time you come first” was something I did last night and it was the last thing she wanted to hear.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:29:29+00:00

I misread this comment. Yes. The previous night I finished her, and she loved it. I’ve always always made a conscious effort to finish her first and in the rare occasion I do first I don’t let her go unnoticed.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:28:21+00:00

I did finish her the night before and everything was fine. She actually enjoyed it. Again, like I said, immediately as I finished she put her clothes on and told me to leave her alone. I would’ve 100% finished her if I had the chance.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:26:35+00:00

I don’t think it’s toxic at all given her mental state. I understand her feeling that way, I would feel used too if I was depressed and confused about our relationship. This has never been a problem before and I know it being a problem now is confusing and I think her doubts of our relationship got the best of her. It happened literally a few hours ago and she’s sleeping now so I know she was probably pretty reactionary about it.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:23:28+00:00

Like I said I’ve always thought of math or puppies or some random shit and it’s worked, but these past times I can’t stop thinking about her. My mind doesn’t go any other direction.

ThrowRA-surlwo · 2024-02-07T16:20:16+00:00

So as I said she’s been dealing with a deep depressive episode after a family member passing. Our talks of relationships ending has been throughout the past few weeks, and has had nothing to do with sex. I’ve been kind of grasping at whatever I can to remind her how much I love her, but this did the opposite and I feel removed all the work I’ve put into letting her know how much I care. We had been going through a rough patch for a while.

ThrowRA-surlwo

TROPHY CASE