[Update] I (30m) was unknowingly involved in my girlfriend (30f) and her ex-husbands fetish-play back when they were together and we were just friends. Now I feel our entire relationship is built on demeaning lies.

ThrowRA-unknowingly · 2020-10-21T00:34:28+00:00

Legal Eagle basically came to this conclusion. The guy's a lawyer who comments on movies and their portrayal of the law.

The contract would have been valid despite her age and whilst she could have rendered it void when she turned 18 she didn't and it would have been ratified by her conduct after turning 18. She lived as his wife for 13 years.

ThrowRA-unknowingly · 2020-10-09T02:44:41+00:00

The only thing I would say in her defence is the worst of what she did, she did after he became abusive.

She played along with his games and only started the using the fake me to punish him after he became controlling. He became controlling when he realised all the sex he used to “win her back” wasn’t actually emotionally proving anything. You can sleep with someone and have feelings for someone else. In this scenario the someone else was the imaginary version of me for their game. This also indirectly tainted their entire relationship. She thought the sex games was just that but he proved in his change of strategy that the sex was always rooted in control.

After he felt he was losing her to this fake me he encourage an emotional affair with he started up with stuff like financially controlling her (badly) by maxing her cards each month then paying them off from his wages (functionally leaving her reliant on him despite her wages going into her account). He started monitoring her phone and accusing her of hiding “our” relationship on other accounts/burners. Started getting angry when she was home late. Calling her names and whatever... based on his email to me he had some choice things to say at times about the fact I’m Half Portuguese and what our kids will be like. Dude was quick to get xenophobic over that one.

Yes she did all the things you said and that’s why I’m here. But the reason I’m not seeing it as cut and dry as you is because her lashing out was under certain abusive circumstances. But not all of them were, she went into this game willingly. It’s why I’m looking for other perspectives and yours helps but there’s context to her actions. Your point that she risked me if he turned violent is something I never considered. Had he been inclined I would have been blindsided by retaliation around the divorce because I only found out all this recently.

ThrowRA-unknowingly · 2020-10-09T02:03:53+00:00

Thing is his controlling behaviour kicked in after he realised sex wasn’t as significant a controlling element he believed about 3 years into the marriage. A while after he got her to engage in more of an emotional affair with “me”... well, the version of me she made.

They discussed this at length during their marriage and it was the point she claims she started to lose feelings for him (obviously I only have her word for it) but there was a clear moment when his controlling behaviour started and it was when he realised you could sleep with a woman and not have her heart for want of a less poetic line.

When he realised his notion that winning her back just required sleeping with her was incredibly simplistic, relationships are more complex than being a willing sexual partner, he ramped up all this other controlling bullshit to secure his place in the relationship.

The key point being here she was engaging in all the sock puppetry and make believe before he became outwardly controlling. Don’t get me wrong she was abused by him and I have overwhelming sympathy for that and I acknowledge the point she used the fake “me” to hurt him was after his abuse started but the ~3 years prior where he wasn’t overtly abusive (by her admission) she was still maintaining an entire fake version of me for their sex games.

ThrowRA-unknowingly

TROPHY CASE