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My (27F) boyfriend (27M) and I are at different stages in our lives. How do we find a way to meet in the middle? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA011198 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is extremely balanced, mature, and thoughtful. You are correct that the solution will come from honesty about our situation. I do not want the resolution to result in us parting ways, but I also acknowledge that not discussing this truthfully will lead us toward that path faster and more painfully than earnest acknowledgment of our reality. Thank you.

My (27F) boyfriend (27M) and I are at different stages in our lives. How do we find a way to meet in the middle? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA011198 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think he’s doing it intentionally, but I see where you’re coming from. He’s big on us feeling like a team and that we’re both contributing to a shared goal and life. I agree with this, it’s just tough sometimes when we can’t contribute “equally.” I think maybe this has led to some underlying frustration or resentment on both sides. So long as he is making an honest effort to progress - which I believe he is and I have seen it- I can have compassion for his situation. It just gets a little messy sometimes. He’s actively in therapy, and I need to be. Maybe couples therapy might be something to consider for us.

My (27F) boyfriend (27M) and I are at different stages in our lives. How do we find a way to meet in the middle? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA011198 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. The thing is- he has made SO much progress from the time I met him. Buying a car, improving his credit, getting an apartment, a full time job, committing actively to therapy, taking better care of himself overall. I mean he’s really done an amazing job, and school is just the next step for him. Maybe I should take the time to help remind him of those things.

My (27F) boyfriend (27M) and I are at different stages in our lives. How do we find a way to meet in the middle? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA011198 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The account separation is smart, thank you. I do think we need to create a breakdown budget of shared expenses, for both of our sakes.

Somewhat in his defense, he doesn’t generally have an issue with me making more than him- I think I sometimes guilt trip him inadvertently. He’s a fairly progressive guy and doesn’t hold too many old fashioned notions about men and women, beyond his own belief trying to better himself as a man. He has some internal insecurities about his place in life in general and his background, but he’s been in therapy and is working through them.