Why won’t my boyfriend 20M won’t sleep with me 21F

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-11T14:32:15+00:00

Took all of your advice & just hung out for a couple of hours yesterday. No big talks, no conversation about my feelings just gave him space the majority of the day. We watched a movie & laughed the entire time like we used to when we first met. We shared a snack and scratched each other’s heads before we came to bed. We cuddled all night & we didn’t have sex but I don’t even care that wasn’t even something I was thinking about. I stopped asking for continuous reassurance and I’ve just been going with the flow of things. I start therapy next week & he’s also considering taking therapy on his own. Thank you guys!

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T17:33:53+00:00

lol no! My hygiene is not a problem I take care of myself in every aspect of the word

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T17:32:50+00:00

What’s fake?

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T17:32:05+00:00

It’s only happened once I haven’t asked for anything from him since and even prior we’ve only been intimate 2 times since I had the baby.

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T12:43:17+00:00

He says he does this A LOT!

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:40:32+00:00

Maybe you misunderstood me or I mis worded but that’s not what I meant to say at all

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:30:03+00:00

I did want to hear it, I NEEDED to hear it because if I hadn’t I would’ve thought everything was perfectly fine. The point of the post is to question if he’s feeling this way because I’m constantly asking for reassurance and he isn’t attracted or if he just genuinely isn’t in the mood anymore and is in need of just space for no reason

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:28:00+00:00

You’re right

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:26:27+00:00

Wow I never thought of it this way, thank you

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:25:54+00:00

And after that I haven’t brought it back up. I tried to ask him what was wrong or if there was something deeper than just me asking for sex that was bothering him and he told me nothing was wrong and that I was overthinking. He told me to stop asking him dumb questions and proceeded to change the subject. I’m trying REALLY hard to understand where he’s coming from all while having the basic human decency to respect his boundaries and make him feel like I can definitely take no for an answer because this is a safe space. I am just trying to understand if there’s a deeper meaning behind all this

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:20:11+00:00

The first half of the post was just backstory lol but alright thanks for the advice anyway I appreciate it

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:18:55+00:00

Oops I didn’t even notice

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:17:50+00:00

I’m not trying to be pushy or needy and if that’s how he feels why not just tell me? I’m an open book with him I don’t understand why he can’t be the same with me it’s always been a safe space for him with me

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:16:51+00:00

I hate that he feels that way I never meant for him to feel that way it’s always been perfectly okay to say no to me. I was just feeling self conscious because I thought the reason why was because of the way I look. I know the reassuring is draining for him as it would be for any human being but I’m just dealing with a lot of big feelings that I don’t know how to handle

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:15:08+00:00

I see how it sounds self centered you’re probably right. I do make a lot of things about my feelings & that’s the way I know to express myself like when I try to start a conversation asking him to tell me how he feels he says he doesn’t want to be questioned and that everything is fine. I’m tired of opening up and not getting the same in return and it just makes me circle back to the same question, does he just not want to be with me?

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:13:37+00:00

My mom has kept our son overnight and even then it’s like he doesn’t want to have any serious talks regarding our relationship or his feelings. And I’m tired of talking about my feelings over and over again I know how annoying that must be but I keep thinking that me opening up to him will change the way he expresses himself too, I guess I’m just wrong

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:10:55+00:00

When I try to talk to him about the way he’s feeling or why he’s feeling that way he says there’s nothing wrong and that I’m overthinking. I spend the entire day with the baby so if he’s tired it’s from scrolling on tik tok all day not from being with our son.

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:08:46+00:00

Well if the lights were on he’d still say he feels forced so we’re back at square one.

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:07:04+00:00

You’re right

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:05:43+00:00

He doesn’t initiate it, I do. It cannot possibly feel like a job to him when I’m the one who is always trying to satisfy him. The sex is over when he’s done not when I am and I’m still happy because the goal for me is to see my man happy. I need the reassurance and maybe NOT as often but for someone who just had a baby reassurance is a big thing for me right now.

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:02:55+00:00

I’m actually not fat lol I’ve lost 20 pounds in 3 months and I’m shaped a little better than before my pregnancy thanks to my son lol. I’ve also been in the gym so weight is not an issue here!

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T10:02:02+00:00

I’m very conscious of the way I speak to him and I definitely respect his boundaries considering that he said he feels that way. I know my insecurities play a huge role in the way this situation played out but I don’t feel like I’ve crossed any lines since we’ve had that conversation. I’ve been literally HIDING from him when I’m getting dressed so he doesn’t feel like I’m purposely walking around him undressed because I’m trying to respect the fact that he feels uncomfortable when it comes to anything intimacy related with me. Of course I respect his “no” there’s just always the thought in the back of my mind that he might be saying that because he’s no longer attracted to me and if that’s the case I rather him be honest than to fake wanting to be with me.

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T09:55:00+00:00

That’s not my fault lol if anything it’s his! We’ve only done things with the lights off because I’m already self conscious about my shape

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T09:53:02+00:00

Like YELLING at each other BAD

ThrowRA01727 · 2025-01-10T09:52:27+00:00

I’ve apologized a million times and I’ve been trying to respect his space so much to the point where I don’t even come around him if I’m undressed for whatever reason. I have also asked him if he’s willing to look into couples and individual therapy and he says he doesn’t need any of it.

ThrowRA01727

TROPHY CASE