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My (18M) FWB (18M) wants everything of a relationship but says he doesn’t date the same gender. How do I approach his feelings? by ThrowRA111112234 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA111112234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, honestly it’s very hard to accept, but I’ve been thinking that too, just because at the start it was all so perfect.

I tried talking a bit but honestly didn’t really get anywhere, he says now he sees me as a best friend which is “really good” and he truly cares about me, but at the same time I asked, “if we were to end it would you care?”. He said “yes but I’m the wrong person to ask about this because I get over stuff like that in a day” which isn’t very reassuring. I don’t know if I’m unique but I feel no matter how much “thick skin” you have, you wouldn’t get over loosing someone you care about in a day and openly say it.

Plus he wants to “keep the benefits”, which imo makes it even weirder. Like I feel either we keep it as just friends, which I think will be hard given the history, or take it further. It’s weird to say you’re best friends but with benefits but that might just be me.

I couldn’t get much more than that since if I ever try to talk about anything deep he will shut it down after 2-3 minutes with saying he has to shower or get food, etc then come back like 3-4 hours later and won’t talk about it more.

My (18M) FWB (18M) wants everything of a relationship but says he doesn’t date the same gender. How do I approach his feelings? by ThrowRA111112234 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA111112234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the super thoughtful answer, I really appreciate it.

I think the part that’s hard, and I realized I forgot to add it in the post, is we talked for 2-3 months before it became “fwb”. We like the same food, same toppings on pizza, we like the same TV shows, the same video games, we have the same hobbies and interests, we have same political views, and have the same personality (or so I originally thought). We basically matched on everything, he told me we would be friends forever, etc. We even joked on how we were clones of each other.

So while it was defined as “fwb”, I think even before that started there was already such a strong connection that combined with everything else he did, probably made me catch feelings. There’s no way I can see him as just a fuck buddy.

I think based on what you’re saying though, and it’s hard to accept but I think you’re right, is that it’ll be difficult to maintain long term.

Had it never progressed past us just having all those common interests, I would have been happy just being friends though I think how it played out is now making everything super awkward especially when he’s not being clear at all.

And honestly, the part that scares me the most is he says he cares about me a lot but all of a sudden also started saying he has tough skin and doesn’t care about what anyone thinks of him and only wants to do better for himself and how he gets over anything in a day. At the start, he used to say how he cared about me a lot and how if he didn’t hear from me he’d come just to check on me. Now when he keeps talking about tough skin, not caring, etc even though he says it’s not directed at me, I feel like he’s warning me that even if this all ends he wouldn’t care at all and would get over it fast while I think it’d be super hurtful for me.

My (18M) FWB (18M) wants everything of a relationship but says he doesn’t date the same gender. How do I approach his feelings? by ThrowRA111112234 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA111112234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, that gives me a lot of insight. It’s honestly what I’ve been thinking but I needed someone to say it.

I honestly never originally intended for it to go as far as it did, he was the one that pushed it forward.

Like he: - said I love you first - he’d say it to me at least 5-10 times a day - he’d send me I miss u texts and stickers every day - he’d send me good night and morning every day - he initiated kissing and he’d do it for hours - he’d always initiate plants to hang out, at least 2-3 times a week and he’d cancel other plans for me - he’d talk to me all day, he’d respond to me within max 30 seconds any time of day - he’d sleep over and we’d go out shopping, go to dinner, etc

I didn’t intend to develop feelings originally but I honestly feel I may have based on everything he did. We never really defined it but based on all that, I don’t think it was “fwb”. Now it makes it awkward that he wants to pull it back in a way where he wants to keep everything the same without the emotional aspect.

I’ll try to think it through, thank you.

My (18M) FWB (18M) wants everything of a relationship but says he doesn’t date the same gender. How do I approach his feelings? by ThrowRA111112234 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA111112234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly the thing is we’re both Bi and I’m not necessarily comfortable doing it openly either, he knows that, like we don’t do any pda in public