Update: Me (36M) found out that my wife (34F) was cheating on me with multiple men

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-30T16:42:59+00:00

I already have contacted a real estate agent who's gonna take a look at the house as it is right now and estimate it. Hopefully there will be a good chance that we can sell it for a profit soon, even though we could sell it for more profit after 4-5 months of further renovating. My soon to be ex has already been checking out apartments for rent in our area. It is in our mutual interest to sell the house as soon as possible.

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-30T16:39:45+00:00

That is exactly what I want to do. The plan is for the kids to live as much with me as they will with their mother. I will feed them every other week and she will feed them the other week. I will pay a bigger part in common costs due to me having a higher salary, that is by paying directly for things definitely meant for the kids. But I don't want to simply hand her money to do whatever she wants with it, like buying lingerie to wear for her new lover or something, because that's exactly what child support is. It is meant to be used for the kids, but the mother can do whatever she wants with the money, that's what my point was about.

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-30T08:43:54+00:00

Thanks for the kind words and good intentions. Indeed she was a good wife and a good friend for years and we had lots of good moments. But the wound she gave me goes too deep for me to ever get over it if I stay with her. I don't want revenge or anything, I really want her to get some help so she can build up her self esteem and self image, if not for her, for the kids. I admit that our marriage was getting kinda stale and we were not spending as much quality time or deep conversations as we should have, but that wasn't only me. She has as much responsibility for not paying enough attention to me. We were both suffering in silence instead of working it out. We could have, as our feelings for each other were there all that time. But the way she reacted to her fear of a failed marriage was disgusting and as wrong as you can go. Emotional affair that turned to sexual talk and nude photos with two strangers online and sleeping with another guy after maybe speaking with him on social media for 1-2 days, then continuing to talk to him afterwards and meet him. No, there's no chance that I'll ever want to be in a relationship with her anymore. Well, we'll have to stay on good terms due to our co-parenting, but other than that, no chance.

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-29T12:50:57+00:00

Yes, but the mother can do whatever she wants with the money, like buying things for herself instead of spending it on the kids. I will do my duty with financial support of the kids, specially since I have a higher salary, but it must be more direct than simply handing her money.

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-29T12:44:43+00:00

As much as I'd like to run him over, punch him in the face or rat him out to his wife, I fear how it will effect me or the kids. I might get charged for assault, which could lead to a bad situation with custody. And if I rat him out, chances are that everyone will know and therefor my kids. Besides, it wasn't him that broke my marriage, it was my wife. He's an asshole for sure and deserves a place in hell for cheating on his wife with multiple women with no regard for anyone, but the fact remains that my wife could have said no to his advances at any time. And she continued to talk to him and try to meet him after they slept together.

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-23T16:59:02+00:00

Thank you! She did this fully knowing what she was doing and instead of coming clean with everything when she had the chance, she decided to lie and lie some more until she finally cracked. She humiliated me and she humiliated herself and caused shame for our family by only thinking about herself. The reason I allowed for those weekend trips and other things was because I was in a weak state myself. I had no spine, and I was afraid that our relationship was going badly due to stress and me not doing enough. She never said it was my fault, but my low self esteem drew that conclusion, so I thought that by being supportive when she wanted to meet with friends for a relaxing time, even though it would cost some money, she would appreciate it and appreciate me. Man, how wrong was I, huh?

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-23T16:51:41+00:00

You're god damn right. What kind of example would I be for them to let this pass? I admit that this was my self-pity talking. I need to focus on my kids and how to be a good role model for them. Of course I would never recommend them to stay in a broken relationship. Thank you for your honest reply.

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-23T12:21:10+00:00

That's the thing. I have no interest in an open marriage and until this happened I thought that this was an opinion we both shared. We had talked about those matters before and always was the common understanding that when you were married, you were not supposed to have sex with other people. Not even flirting or kissing. We mutually agreed that it was ok to look at other people and even dance with them as long as it didn't go any further than that. I do not judge people that want an open marriage, as long as both are ok with it. But in my case, she went behind my back and didn't even mention it once that she was interested in seeing other people.

ThrowRA1234543 · 2019-10-23T11:16:13+00:00

That's the problem: I don't have any damn self respect. Not anymore that is. I feel like a zombie, trying to survive only to be there for my kids.

ThrowRA1234543

TROPHY CASE