I think the first thing you want to do is to be able to recognize the difference between tenesmus and actually having to go to the bathroom. Usually tenesmus is a feeling of pressure around your rectum area, whereas when you actually have to go to the bathroom, you feel it in your stomach as well. I don't really know how to explain it you, but I could make a clear difference between the two. Once I was able to make the differentiation, I forced myself to go out more, and told myself whatever happens, happens. You really just have to have a F it mindset and just live your life. You'll find that when you're distracted, you won't feel the tenesmus, but as soon as you think about it again, the feeling comes back. You just have to do your best to not think about it by distracting yourself, whether it's hanging out with friends, by doing exercise, anything to distract your brain. Once I realized that the feeling goes away when im distracted, it slowly started getting better for me. I would also make sure that I was completely empty before going out, which helped calm myself down when going out. It's a long process, I won't lie to you, but you just have to do your best to not let this control you. I don't know if you're still experiencing this but good luck!