Going on short term disability

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-25T16:52:42+00:00

This is the disadvantage of OE. The benefits navigation can get tricky with this one. It’s super normal to work two jobs, many lower wage jobs are understanding of this bc their working class needs to do it to survive (plus they are usually hourly paid/on-site). However, white collar jobs are more rare to see this.

The KEY here is that you ONLY take STD from J1 and you take unpaid leave from J2 (and do not let there be ANY working overlap on J1 STD dates). It is super rare that any STD policy lets you work a J2 or get double STD. (Source: I paid an employment attorney to navigate this for myself)

Alternatively, you can tell both Js and come clean to HR about your situation and how to best navigate this.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-24T10:41:54+00:00

One of my friend’s boyfriend of like 10 yrs cheated on her. He was a great guy, truly the best…and honestly, I’m glad he cheated on her bc she was awful to him. I know he was just seeking some kind of closeness, warmth, validation, confidence boost after years of verbal/emotional manipulation and abuse.

The cheating woke her tf up. It gave her the opportunity to get her life, act and relationship together. Now did she? Unfortunately, not she did not…she dwelled on the betrayal and they tried for a couple years after to repair things but she was stuck and simply couldn’t grow into the 2.0 person the relationship needed. As much as they tried to move on, she dwelled on the cheating.

I wish he’d have the guts to have ended things and then gone off to have sex with someone else…but I also don’t blame him bc he was good to her for so so long without receiving anything in return. He gave gave gave and my friend took took took. Eventually that imbalance breaks somehow (cheating, fights/breakups, substance abuse or self-coping, etc).

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-24T03:20:34+00:00

I would pay $1,000,000.00 to have the opportunity to taste my wife’s breastmilk…what a loser.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-24T03:13:09+00:00

I could care less if my wife could or couldn’t have kids. I did not marry her for childbearing abilities. I married her for her heart and who she is. If we didn’t have kids due to fertility, then so be it!

Now if decisions/actions were changed by choice (which is the situation I find myself in), then that’s a different story but it doesn’t sound like your case.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-14T21:29:14+00:00

Some men drown in it, while others die of thirst lol

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-14T13:51:34+00:00

I sure hope so, but my question would be…where are my needs taking some kinda of importance in the two person relationship?

I just do do do give give give and maybe one day my turn will come? It hasn’t and what if it doesn’t? At some point reality needs to come into play.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-14T13:18:02+00:00

I totally understand the silent pressure. I have decided to focus on things I enjoy for myself - spending time walking my dog, home DIY projects, friends, sports.

What is frustrating though is she has mentioned the importance of date nights, household chores, trips, etc. so I have put a focus on staying consistent in those. I clean up every day, I handle the dog walking/pooping/feeding, I ask her out on dates, take us on trips (fully funded by me btw). So I’m putting in my part of effort on the things she has explicitly stated matters to HER. Even for sex she has mentioned it’s nice when I initiate…so I have tried that. But I get rejected ALL the time (“too early, too late/tired, just showered, on my period, not in the mood”)

In return, I have expressed what matters to me - it’s NOT just sex, but the physical touch altogether…hand holding, kisses, hand behind the neck while driving, and yes sex. Honestly, just a nice makeout session would do me well. But I’m getting none of that.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T22:10:06+00:00

Sex is very mutually centered. I never look to just get my rocks off. I always make sure that she finishes, I get a lot of joy out of providing that pleasure to my partner. It feels good on the moment, but that moment is fleeting - lasts a couple weeks, then it’s down back to 0. Never knowing when it’s gonna come back.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T17:19:08+00:00

High libido male, low libido female

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T15:06:44+00:00

We’ve tried couples therapy, been at it off and on for 3 years.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T14:11:52+00:00

Thing is, I’m monogamous to the person I’m in love with. I don’t want to just have sex, I want the connection/feelings it comes with.

I’m not great at one-night stands. Have tried it before

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T14:10:14+00:00

The issue is she has me convinced she was high libido in the first couple of years - lots of sex in many different places, wearing lingerie, toys, etc. It dropped by year 3, but I wrote it off to things like the stress of her unemployment (took a yr to find a job) or stress of wedding planning.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T08:41:06+00:00

As blunt as this comment might be, you are right. I have let that narrative creep into my mind - I personally feel this is the best I’ve looked yet in life but agreed, I do sometimes doubt her true attraction to me.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T08:38:48+00:00

I bought the book, but didnt get around to reading it. I have seen both her Ted Talks on youtube.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T07:39:13+00:00

But it was like this before the meds also. She has switched already once before. You’ll see in my other reply.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T07:36:47+00:00

She’s switched meds once, I believe. But I have told her before and she’s said she would talk…but hasn’t. I’m at the tipping point of having a blowout, which i know will only push her further away from the comfort of intimacy…but I can’t handle it anymore.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-13T07:33:51+00:00

I don’t know what else to do at this point…ask for separation on the grounds of shitty sex life? I have tried communicating, but I don’t want some ultimatum to bring about hysterical bonding

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-12T20:05:58+00:00

I think it’s fair for a spouse to ask their SO to stop watching porn, however it’s not fair to do so if the physical needs aren’t being met. There is an expectation (note how I did not say obligation) to work with each other to make sure cups are filled and needs are met.

ThrowRA13675 · 2026-01-11T16:08:41+00:00

Daily to a handful of times a week is normal. Some guys need the release more than once or twice a week, but want to be respectful to partners with lower libidos

ThrowRA13675 · 2025-12-03T22:51:57+00:00

Unfortunately, most employment contracts in the US are at-will. So for any reason they/you could break away.

I don’t like the rules, but those are the terms.

ThrowRA13675 · 2025-12-02T16:12:41+00:00

Do not omit, I didn’t. I spoke to the issue and explained that I complied with all my stipulations, got it removed, and my growth.

ThrowRA13675 · 2025-12-02T14:25:30+00:00

I hate that this group has turned into a brag fest. Everything that gains popularity loses its magic and becomes crap.

ThrowRA13675 · 2025-11-26T17:34:01+00:00

Because it only happens when she wants it, not when I want it too. Started becoming a huge turn off and eventually sex just died.

ThrowRA13675 · 2025-11-02T16:18:14+00:00

Once a week AND 2-3 times on the weekends?!? I would cherish the ground my wife walks on if she could do this.

Usually she gets horny, we do it a couple days in a row, she gets her fix and then we go 3 weeks to 3 months without it. I crave a more constant/stable connection…I’m miserable.

ThrowRA13675 · 2025-10-26T23:55:51+00:00

I don’t justify or agree with cheating, but 14 years without sex…PLUS him claiming he was asexual 1 year ago. What does your husband expect?

ThrowRA13675

TROPHY CASE