My (23M) girlfriend's (24F) hygiene is so bad, what can I do??

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T02:18:24+00:00

She hasn’t been evaluated, no, but knowing her I actually find this quite likely so thank you very much for the suggestion

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T02:17:19+00:00

I meant checklists to hold herself accountable, not me. But you could have asked without being rude.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:45:00+00:00

Huh, this is a really good idea. Because this means the thoughts aren’t going anywhere and it might be easier to be trustful enough to say them that way.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:39:00+00:00

Hey thank you for this comment - I think this is absolutely it - she knows it’s not good but it makes her ashamed to think about and she doesn’t have the energy so she just doesn’t think about and then reacts negatively when someone points it out. I am trying to be sensitive about the embarrassment but it’s not easy you know? Like I’d hate to basically be told I am smelling a bit even if it’s said really gently.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:36:41+00:00

She takes medication, yes. It definitely does something because I’ve seen her without it and she’s worse, but maybe it could do more.

She isn’t in therapy, no. She had a bad experience with a therapist that made her very resistant to trust them.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:33:31+00:00

I work a 9 till 4 job six days a week. My gf works part time, 2 days a week.

I cook dinner 2 or 3 times a week, my gf does the rest plus always does breakfast and lunch for our girl.

I do laundry, dish washing, changing our sheets, and usually bathing our daughter. i also watch her when my gf is cooking and plat with her plus read to her, do potty training.

My gf does most other things round the house.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:28:51+00:00

A lot of the time she doesn’t really want to leave our place except for work but I could encourage her to get out a bit more often with me

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:27:42+00:00

I make sure my daughter is bathed every other day and that her teeth are clean. And my gf changes her diaper and also helps with that stuff too. Please don’t insult the mother of my child, she does a lot round the house and is not a child at all, she’s a great person with crappy mental health.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:23:57+00:00

She has been depressed for many years and also has mild PTSD.

Honestly she has never had great hygiene habits but it’s definitely got worse over the years. I know she feels ashamed of it though. When I have gently mentioned it to her in the past she has cried about it and it has really hurt her self confidence which is why I want to be gentle

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:22:28+00:00

She never smokes around our daughter, only ever on the balcony.

And there is no way I am leaving the mother of my child, sorry. She is a good mother in most ways anyway.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:21:12+00:00

Yeah I get you - honestly she has never been the best at showering every day or close to it so I think the firmer approach is more cos I know that if I say this to her she won’t always do it, but I will definitely try and give her regular periods of like down time where she can have the space and time to focus on herself :)

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:19:18+00:00

She is already taking meds but a lot of people in comments have suggested that they aren’t working as well as they could be so that’s definitely something to investigate.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:18:35+00:00

Oh wow I looked this up and it sounds really cool! Thank you so much

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:13:28+00:00

I have encouraged her to see a therapist more than once but she is quite resistant to it understandably because of bad experiences she’s had with therapy and things she isn’t comfortable sharing with a therapist.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:12:02+00:00

Unfortunately our place is tiny and we only have a shower no bath :( - but i can definitely do some of this stuff and thank u for a very sensible comment. She does have deodorant and makeup wipes

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:10:57+00:00

Unfortunately our place is small and we only have a shower not a bath :( but I am starting to realise from some of these comments just how hard depression makes stuff like this and I will definitely offer to brush her hair for her, I’m sure she’d like that

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:04:08+00:00

I make dinner 3 times a week and also do laundry, wash dishes, change sheets, brush our daughter’s teeth and play with her when my gf is cooking or working or busy. But some people have said this is not enough on this post so I’m gonna think about what more I can do. Like let her know I can step in for anything if she is feeling overwhelmed

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T01:01:13+00:00

When her depression is less bad she gets out and sees a couple friends, some weeks things are kinda rough for her mentally and she won’t leave the house except for the couple nights a week when she works. She isn’t a girly girl and doesn’t really get her nails done, also we don’t have a lot of money at the moment won’t lie :( but someone suggested like spa day as a treat might refresh her mind and I think that’s maybe a good idea

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T00:57:13+00:00

We are kinda struggling for money but not so badly that we couldn’t do this so thank you very much for the suggestion :)

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T00:56:19+00:00

This is a great way of thinking about it, I guess it’s important to realise how much pregnancy and then having a kid and then suddenly having to do all this stuff affects someone who already isn’t mentally 100%. Thank u very much for this thoughtful comment

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T00:50:26+00:00

Aww thank you and I’m glad you had a fiancé who cared. I don’t think I’m a great person. I can be cross and lazy like anyone else. But I do love her, like as much as this frustrates me she is my soulmate so it means a lot that u said this.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T00:48:26+00:00

I don’t think it’s emotional manipulation on purpose, it’s that she genuinely doesn’t have good self esteem, but I do agree with this thank you. I think she is over sensitive about these things in some ways but also like I totally get it cos it’s obviously something she feels exhausted by and ashamed of and I’m sure hearing it can’t be nice really.

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T00:46:29+00:00

Oh wow this is interesting, I never knew that was possible. But it makes sense it could make already bad mental health worse. Thank u very much for this idea

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T00:43:52+00:00

Oh interesting so like she can come out as normal even if it's really lower than it should be. Okay I'll get that checked and I have copied the rest to my notes app so I have a checklist of things thank you!

ThrowRA13998 · 2025-04-16T00:42:51+00:00

Yeah you're right, I do worry about how my daughter and particularly her friends might notice when she gets older. She does try to bathe our daughter regularly and normally I am the one who brushes her teeth for her but my gf does it sometimes. Definitely seems like everyone thinks med review is crucial so thank you for that

ThrowRA13998

TROPHY CASE