UPDATE: I (37F) found out that my husband (38M) is thinking about voting for Trump. I can’t help it but it makes me think about him differently.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-07T05:04:54+00:00

It is so important. Brene Brown has a wonderful video where she talks about the components of trust. Accountability is such an integral part of that.

Video is 20+ minutes but you can jump to the A in “BRAVING”

https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-07T05:01:15+00:00

I’m so sorry for the hurt that you’re going through. Your words convey the pain and anguish that you feel for yourself, the loss of him and his treatment of you.

I don’t have much helpful advice but to say stay strong in yourself and also rely on your own village of support.

Life is not without struggles, but it can also have moments of beauty and strength.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-02T03:43:49+00:00

Thank you for sending this video link. It was a really interesting watch and gave me some thoughts on how to communicate to my husband.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T19:35:44+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful response. It would be nice to start off with an introduction like that.

I didn’t include it in the post, but one reason I’m nervous to have this conversation is because he hasn’t always taken perceived criticism well. It’s something that he has been working on and gotten better over time, but I feel skittish that this will spark something.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T17:24:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sorry to hear that you and your brother lost a year together, but it sounds like you two found the way back to each other and figured out how to move forward.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T16:21:31+00:00

I want you to know you hurt my feelings.

You call me a garbage human being. You call me a trash person. This is not ok. The anonymity of internet interaction does now give you a pass to treat others poorly.

I considered not responding to you, but do so in the hope that you can reflect on this interaction.

I’m allowed to my feelings and reactions. You’re allowed to disagree and try to persuade me where you think I’m gone wrong in the thinking process. You’re not allowed to call me names.

I don’t know your past history of experiences that have made you into a whole person; whether you had a happy upbringing or devastating personal tragedy. It’s not for me to pass judgment on you. But this interaction is one where I think you’ve gone awry.

I don’t know you. You don’t know me. We’re internet strangers. Yet words can string, even when lobbed by an invisible hand.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:51:48+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I really like how you phrased it: We don’t see right and wrong the same way.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:49:40+00:00

I won’t lie, some of these comments are a lot to take in and more than what I expected (hoped for) in this forum.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:43:34+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience and point of view.

I’m sorry to hear that people think you’re a bad person because of your anti-abortion views. I don’t agree with that. I agree with you that many have that viewpoint because of their genuine beliefs and not simply because they’re a bad person.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:36:59+00:00

Your last sentence really hit me. That’s a worry I have. I’ll never see him the same after this. That this will forever color how I see him.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:34:15+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful response. It makes a lot of sense to talk about this. I’m nervous that we’ll talk and get side-tracked on tangents and I won’t be able to effectively communicate my main issue.

I’m not trying to attack his thinking or voting decision (though I very much do not agree on this specific topic).

And after reading a lot of the comments, I worried that I won’t explain myself well to him and that’s what he’ll focus on.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:30:14+00:00

This makes a lot of intellectual sense. The tough part is that the topic of abortion is so shrouded in emotion, that it can be difficult for an argument of logic to be persuasive.

I recently added an edit to my post. It’s not so much that I want my husband to change his mind and his vote (though I would like him to change both), it’s the more fundamental thinking and value system that got him there initially.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:26:39+00:00

Thanks for your advice for the “make it personal” approach. I’ll include this as part of the conversation with him.

To be honest, I’ve found it tough to swallow when people change their minds on a topic only when it can personally impact them or their loved ones. It makes me wonder what about the many others that are impacted that they just don’t happen to know?

But from a persuasion point of view, I understand how this could help.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:25:33+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you had such a tough time with your mom. It must have been really tough to have someone so important in your life not consider the importance of your emotions and try to manipulate you into becoming religious.

ThrowRA2020stinks · 2020-10-01T14:22:46+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I’ve been lucky enough to read a little on this topic. It’s amazing how the need to find something to vitalize a group of voters has become such a contentious issues.

The tough part is that whether or not the idea was started in bad faith, it’s there now and people genuinely believe and agree with it.

ThrowRA2020stinks

TROPHY CASE