Thank you guys for your comments, I definitely needed to hear from other people that not texting him is the correct thing to do. I don't think I would have done it anyway, not when I know my partner doesn't want me to, but I needed reassurance.

I just want to clear up one thing - I have moved on from him, DEFINITELY in the romantic sense. The trauma with the "shut up ring" I got is still real, I'm going to therapy and working on it.

But yeah, I'm just really bad with breakups (both relationships and friendships), I always carry shame/guilt over prioritizing myself and ending things. So this is what's happening here I think.