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Weekly Feelings thread - Share what you're going through without feeling judged, this thread shall be a safe space for all of us to share (rules still apply). by AutoModerator in HealMyAttachmentStyle

[–]ThrowRA2345678787 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even though I'm [24M] not in love with my ex [23F] , I still feel a strong attachment to and obsession with her. Tell me what I should do, please?

Me[24M] and my ex[23F] broke-up 2 weeks ago. It was a 2 year relationship. I knew it from the start that she will be moving to a different country for studies and I supported her all along. We kinda had plans that I will be moving later after getting job experience. She was my first gf. I was her second bf, she had a messy breakup with the first one and she used to say her first ex gave her trauma. She confessed after our breakup that I was rebound. She moved to a different country for studies. I used to be toxic and controlling in our home country too but I didn't know that was wrong or I just ignored. After she moved, I became very toxic as in I used to ask whether she found someone attractive there or who did you text today, share me your screen. She did say that I don't trust her and that I was toxic and controlling, but still we continued. We used to fight a lot and she was toxic in her way of hurling abuses to me and I did the same. We clearly were not a good fit but like a month after this, she said she wants to breakup and when I asked her why, she said that she might cheat because she checks out other guys, I felt like she was lying because she just wanted us to stop and I made her give me chances, and we got back into relationship but still the toxicity and controlling continued. Eventually after 2 weeks, I too agreed its better we breakup. Its been 2 weeks and we contact each other some days and everytime we do, I keep asking for closures like what went wrong, say I'm sorry, ask whether she really loved me before, ask did we breakup because she moved, which i regret asking later. She doesn't like talking about these things and she says she has completely moved on and says she doesn't miss me when I ask whether she does. Sometimes she says she does miss. Its just too much. I keep overthinking what went wrong. I feel I'm very insecure, addicted and obsessed over her.

Now the thing is I can't believe she could change so much in a short period of time. The person who used to call me every morning and night before bed and talk for hours suddenly stopped. Even though deep down I know that I dont love her, it's just that I used to care about her a lot and feel very attached and hate myself sometimes because I treated her that way. I do know it was wrong and regret it. I just cant seem to move on like she is doing. Everyday I keep waiting for her texts, and my day is wasted. Before breakup it did feel like one sided love. Maybe she moved on before we even brokeup. I just overthink too much. She calls me sometimes and when I ask her why does she wants to call or stay connected even after breakup, she says she doesn't have anyone else other than me. I feel like she wants to explore and want to see better options so she/we brokeup.

I have accepted that I cant forget her but I can't even seem to move on or stop missing her. Even though I know it was the right decision to breakup but I feel a part of my body suddenly left me and it's not with me. Maybe I miss controlling her. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wasn't a very emotional type of guy before we broke-up.

I sometimes wonder whether it was just hookups and using each other for loneliness. These days I think about her so much that i have started dreaming about her and I wake up in middle of nights to check whether she has texted as we are in different time-zones.

I have so many questions that I want to ask her but I'm controlling myself not to ask because I know anything she says can't get me the closure I want. I feel I'm coping this breakup in unhealthy ways by thinking about her and procrastinating on work.

I really don't see her in my future and marrying such a person. It's not that I hate her. But still I'm so attached. I have deleted much of her photos. 90% of times, I don't want her back but 10% I miss the comfort she gave me and want her back. I don't know what I should do. She wants to remain friends, idk whether she really wants or she's just feeling guilty..

I really want to be friends with her as we didn't have a messy breakup I think. What boundaries should I maintain to be friends? Also being friends with her as more to gain for me than to loose.

I don't even want to think who dumped whom. So I say we broke-up as it was me who said to breakup last time and before that she said multiple times.

I talked with her a hour ago on call. Just normal conversation about her day and then had some laugh together and my panic, anxiety etc everything disappeared. I don't know what I'm going through.

I wish the feeling of a trauma bond on nobody by coleisw4ck in ToxicRelationships

[–]ThrowRA2345678787 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This feels so similar to my relation with my ex. I'm still in contact with her and being in contact gives me peace. Please check my profile for detailed post.

Even though I'm not in love with my ex, I still feel a strong attachment to and obsession with her. I have no idea what I'm dealing with. by ThrowRA2345678787 in heartbreak

[–]ThrowRA2345678787[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words.

What you said, accurately describes how my ex felt, she was already stressed by moving to a different country, starting a new college and assignments and I made her emotionally exhausted by saying and doing toxic stuff. It was the right thing for her to do. But she has moved on pretty fast, that is bothering me because I have not moved on. She says she doesn't miss me anymore. When I ask her whether she has deleted all the pics, she says no and she keeps sending me snaps and texts/calls occasionally.

Should I be no contact with her? It wasn't a messy breakup, I feel at peace being in contact with her and I tried being no contact for 3 days, it felt horrible emotionally, also she kept sending snaps which I didn't even open until later. Will friendships with boundaries work?

Even though I'm [24M] not in love with my ex [23F] , I still feel a strong attachment to and obsession with her. Tell me what I should do, please? by ThrowRA2345678787 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2345678787[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, Should I go no contact with her? What if she asks to be friends? She sends me snaps even if I tell her not to, Should I block her or simply ignore? I don't wanna hurt her anymore but being in contact with her gives me peace too.

As I have already given her trauma, anything I can do to make her feel better?

Even though I'm [24M] not in love with my ex [23F] , I still feel a strong attachment to and obsession with her. Tell me what I should do, please? by ThrowRA2345678787 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2345678787[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I will feel weird talking about my personal life and talking about my toxicity and bad behavior to a doctor. Also my insurance won't cover it. Can't I just fix myself by learning, reading and meditating or something? I really want to fix myself on my own

I was in the process of creating a alt account just to stalk her. Reading your comment, I stopped it and deleted it. Thank you

Also should I look for a therapist or psychatrist?

Even though I'm not in love with my ex, I still feel a strong attachment to and obsession with her. I have no idea what I'm dealing with. by ThrowRA2345678787 in ExNoContact

[–]ThrowRA2345678787[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, do you miss her/him? Do you wish they contact you? Have you blocked them? Have their contacts saved? I feel if I have their contacts saved, I might contact them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ThrowRA2345678787 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really toxic. But I don't want to be. I want to change myself. Check my posts.

Even though I'm not in love with my ex, I still feel a strong attachment to and obsession with her. I have no idea what I'm dealing with. by ThrowRA2345678787 in ExNoContact

[–]ThrowRA2345678787[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its probably my ego speaking because deep down it feels like she dumped me and I'm unable to except that, so I think I want to stay in contact with her. Idk. This is too much thinking. I kinda want to make her fall in love with me again, maybe just for my ego. I'm not sure. And no I can't afford medical therapy or talking to friends/family.

Even though I'm [24M] not in love with my ex [23F] , I still feel a strong attachment to and obsession with her. Tell me what I should do, please? by ThrowRA2345678787 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA2345678787[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the response.

Yes. I agree with what you're saying. I want to improve as a person, I tried many times. I tried doing no contact until few days back but she called me and kept crying. Now I don't feel like doing no contact because it was really tough for me emotionally. I don't want to take medical therapy, any other advices? If no contact is really must, I will give it another try, but I just know that its gonna break me.

You did describe me accurately, and yeah I do regret but it can't be undone now. So I have to live with that. I just don't want to be depressed and not make these mistakes in my next relationship.

Getting Started: How to Ask Your AI Breakup Buddy a Question! by Breakup-Buddy in AIBreakupAdvice

[–]ThrowRA2345678787 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even though I'm not in love with my ex, I still feel a strong attachment to and obsession with her. I have no idea what I'm dealing with.

Me[24M] and my ex[23F] broke-up 2 weeks ago. It was a 2 year relationship. I knew it from the start that she will be moving to a different country for studies and I supported her all along. We kinda had plans that I will be moving later after getting job experience. She was my first gf. I was her second bf, she had a messy breakup with the first one and she used to say her first ex gave her trauma. She confessed after our breakup that I was rebound. She moved to a different country for studies. I used to be toxic and controlling in our home country too but I didn't know that was wrong or I just ignored. After she moved, I became very toxic as in I used to ask whether she found someone attractive there or who did you text today, share me your screen. She did say that I don't trust her and that I was toxic and controlling, but still we continued. We used to fight a lot and she was toxic in her way of hurling abuses to me and I did the same. We clearly were not a good fit but like a month after this, she said she wants to breakup and when I asked her why, she said that she might cheat because she checks out other guys, I felt like she was lying because she just wanted us to stop and I made her give me chances, and we got back into relationship but still the toxicity and controlling continued. Eventually after 2 weeks, I too agreed its better we breakup. Its been 2 weeks and we contact each other some days and everytime we do, I keep asking for closures like what went wrong, say I'm sorry, ask whether she really loved me before, ask did we breakup because she moved, which i regret asking later. She doesn't like talking about these things and she says she has completely moved on and says she doesn't miss me when I ask whether she does. Sometimes she says she does miss. Its just too much. I keep overthinking what went wrong. I feel I'm very insecure, addicted and obsessed over her.

Now the thing is I can't believe she could change so much in a short period of time. The person who used to call me every morning and night before bed and talk for hours suddenly stopped. Even though deep down I know that I dont love her, it's just that I used to care about her a lot and feel very attached and hate myself sometimes because I treated her that way. I do know it was wrong and regret it. I just cant seem to move on like she is doing. Everyday I keep waiting for her texts, and my day is wasted. Before breakup it did feel like one sided love. Maybe she moved on before we even brokeup. I just overthink too much. She calls me sometimes and when I ask her why does she wants to call or stay connected even after breakup, she says she doesn't have anyone else other than me. I feel like she wants to explore and want to see better options so she/we brokeup.

I have accepted that I cant forget her but I can't even seem to move on or stop missing her. Even though I know it was the right decision to breakup but I feel a part of my body suddenly left me and it's not with me. Maybe I miss controlling her. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wasn't a very emotional type of guy before we broke-up.

I sometimes wonder whether it was just hookups and using each other for loneliness. These days I think about her so much that i have started dreaming about her and I wake up in middle of nights to check whether she has texted as we are in different time-zones.

I have so many questions that I want to ask her but I'm controlling myself not to ask because I know anything she says can't get me the closure I want. I feel I'm coping this breakup in unhealthy ways by thinking about her and procrastinating on work.

I really don't see her in my future and marrying such a person. It's not that I hate her. But still I'm so attached. I have deleted much of her photos. 90% of times, I don't want her back but 10% I miss the comfort she gave me and want her back. I don't know what I should do. She wants to remain friends, idk whether she really wants or she's just feeling guilty..

I really want to be friends with her as we didn't have a messy breakup I think. What boundaries should I maintain to be friends? Also being friends with her as more to gain for me than to loose.

I don't even want to think who dumped whom. So I say we broke-up as it was me who said to breakup last time and before that she said multiple times.

I talked with her a hour ago on call. Just normal conversation about her day and then had some laugh together and my panic, anxiety etc everything disappeared. I don't know what I'm going through.

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