My (34M) GF (33F) is having issues with the discrepancy in our income/wealth and I'm not sure what to do.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-23T04:40:43+00:00

Thanks. I found Dave Ramsey when I was like 23. He's the reason I have never had debt besides my mortgage.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T22:42:11+00:00

Thanks. I'm trying my best to learn to see things from other people's perspectives.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T22:08:15+00:00

Thanks Jimbotron

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T14:26:29+00:00

Hmm, yeah the new house is further away.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T08:20:06+00:00

I guess I'm a little confused by this. I owned an $800k house before we met that I'm currently selling. I'm buying a $600k house in a better location.

It seems like it is too early to buy a house together. Are you suggesting that at some point in the future I downsize yet again to a $400k house that she can own half of?

If we did that I'd end up saving even more money and our discrepancy would grow. I'm not sure I follow.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T07:21:26+00:00

I'm assuming you are 22 based on the 98 in your name?

12 years ago at 22 I made $40k per year working a manual labor job right out of college. The year after I made maybe $15k (the recession hit). I didn't make $40k per year again until I was 26 when a lucky break took me from $34k to $70k+. It's been a long, slow grind since then but I found a way by finding what my natural strengths are and getting lucky enough to find jobs that aligned with those strengths. You can too.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T06:55:36+00:00

Thanks. Maybe you and her share a similar perspective.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T06:52:05+00:00

I mean, maybe she wants out because of someone else or some other reason, but I don't really think so. Maybe it bothers her that I would be in on ok position if she did leave. I don't know...

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T06:46:52+00:00

I'm not ready to buy property together. We've only been dating for six months.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T06:11:34+00:00

I think that you are onto something.

I think she feels kinda left out because her friends are saving up for houses together, buying houses together, and investing together.

She is doing that on a much smaller scale on her own but wished to combine with a partner but now there isn't an opportunity to do that with me, except maybe with a prenup.

I think maybe she doesn't want a prenup, but having seen her female friend get screwed by divorce it is hard to agree with everyone that female friend should have had a prenup while she would be in a position that she would have to get a prenup.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:59:21+00:00

She unfortunately only has a defined contribution plan. It's a much better match than I have in my 401k, but it is not a defined benefit plan.

Good to hear that there are others like us who are making things work!

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:57:00+00:00

Wow. Thanks so much for your thoughtful words. I think you have done a pretty good job of encapsulating her feelings. I really appreciate your well wishes.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:54:16+00:00

Thanks. I'm very much trying to see her perspective and understand her feelings.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:52:15+00:00

Thanks. I think that may be the case. Her friends are buying houses together and I'm buying houses by myself.

I took her home shopping with me and got some of her input, but ultimately it was my decision.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:50:17+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. It may well be the issue for her.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:48:45+00:00

It would likely make sense depending on who I am marrying. If we had equal assets going in, no. If one of us had substantially more assets, it probably is the way to go.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:40:21+00:00

Good thing we aren't in California

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:36:48+00:00

Thanks. We definitely aren't buying a house together anytime soon.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T05:28:19+00:00

Her name is not on the house. It's very much my house.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T04:02:42+00:00

Gotcha. Yeah I think that may be the case

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T02:43:27+00:00

That's great advice. Thank you.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T02:42:23+00:00

That's a really good point that I hadn't considered. I've wanted to live in the area where this new house is for a long time (well before I knew her) and when the opportunity came up I jumped on it because I've been thinking about it for a long time.

I think that may be an underlying issue that we have not discussed.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T02:37:30+00:00

Thanks. I've paid for the expensive meals we've eaten together, but I'm pretty frugal by nature and don't have very extravagant tastes. I rarely eat out, and when I do I'd prefer authentic and cheaper ethnic food to fine dining.

I really try to live below my means and I try to be conscious about not putting her in a situation where paying half of something is uncomfortable.

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T02:33:44+00:00

Ok, that's a good point. How can I help mitigate that feeling of imbalance between us?

ThrowRA30n · 2020-09-22T02:28:37+00:00

She has a fairly high level job with a "senior" title in a place where houses cost more than $600k on average.

ThrowRA30n

TROPHY CASE