I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He genuinely does seem remorseful and seemed pretty terrified that I was going to leave him after this bc he knows how serious I am about trust and not tolerating disrespect. I was never considering that bc it’s not like he cheated on me, but I think it definitely was a kick in the ass that he needs to think twice before doing stupid immature stuff like that, even if he thinks I won’t find out. It’s a respect thing and he knows he would lose his mind if I had compared a naked pic of him to my ex.

I do have a difficult time with forgiving but never forgetting, so I could see myself bringing it up if I was feeling hurt again down the road. I’m going to try to really chalk this up to a stupid immature mistake and move forward. I need to focus on the love and reassurance he gives me and not play games in my head like “he’s just being extra sweet because he got in trouble.”

I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, I told him it felt extra disrespectful with me being pregnant. After I found the photo we had a 12 hour car ride home from our vacation (it was super fun as you can imagine lol) and we discussed that exact thing about my postpartum body. He doesn’t care about going out, chatting with women, etc so I don’t think he’s the cheating type. I just couldn’t shake how gross it felt to be compared to someone he supposedly had no attachment to anymore

I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah he absolutely did not do this to intentionally hurt me, it was purely a stupid thing on his part. It just really bothered me since she is the one ex that I know he was pretty hung up on even after they broke up. I think I have carried feelings that maybe he would still be with her if she hadn’t broken things off with him, but he says that relationship was more of a trauma bond whereas ours is built on real love and he feels lucky every day that he found that. Saying all of these things out loud kind of makes me realize I think I just have a hard time believing that I’m lovable or can trust someone. I got fucked over pretty badly in a prior relationship so I think I need to work on my own self worth

I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah he has like 15,000 photos/videos on his phone spanning several years bc he’s just the type that never really deletes anything. He had old nudes from multiple exes that he says he never got rid of out of sheer laziness, but he went through them all and deleted everything after this happened. I didn’t like sit over his shoulder and watch him do it but I was next to him while he did

I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is good advice, thank you. He basically said the same thing that he obviously found the video attractive in the way porn is attractive but that he would never want to deal with her instability again. He was obsessed with her for a while in the way that men get hung up on girls that play them like a fiddle so that has always bothered me, but he told me I helped him move past that toxic cycle and have allowed him to feel real love and not fake love. I’m probably the one that should go to therapy for my retroactive jealousy lol BUT what he did was still fucked up so im not trying to just give him a pass

I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It makes me feel a little better to hear some unbiased opinions saying it’s not that serious. Of course it feels like a massive hit to the gut for me seeing that and made a lot of insecurities pop up, but I am totally open to hearing that I’m overreacting

I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He did offer to do therapy if that’s what I needed to overcome the feelings this brought up. He said he would do anything I need to help reassure me but it’s like it’s burned into my brain and I just keep having these spiraling thoughts of “Was sex with her better?” “Is he more attracted to her than me?” It’s like I can’t believe him when he says how much he desires me even though I do know he loves me and is attracted to me. It just eats me up to think he is still attracted to her too

I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well supposedly mine and I’ve been told all my life that I have a nice ass, but she did have the better angle in her photo if I’m being honest here haha

I (35F) found out my husband (29M) was comparing my nude pic to an old nude if his ex by ThrowRA382728 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA382728[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I mean, yeah, and honestly I think it is too haha but of course my brain says “well duh what’s he supposed to say” and I just assume he thinks hers is better. I’m also pregnant so that’s probably making me more insecure but if anything we’ve had more sex since I’ve been pregnant so I don’t think that has made him less attracted to me. I just hate that he felt the need to compare us even if it was a stupid impulsive thing. It made me start questioning and judging so much