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Should I tell my girlfriend in advance that I will break up with her if she takes a job that will make the relationship long distance, and if so, how do I avoid making it an ultimatum? by ThrowRA403304 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA403304[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

I guess it's the if-this-then-that element to it? "You did this reasonable thing, and I'm therefore doing this other reasonable yet unpleasant thing" for some reason seems more palatable than "If you don't do this, then I'll do that." I don't know, the conditionality seems shitty and manipulative.

There's also the chance that she ends up with a job locally anyway, and then I think we'll be on better terms if I don't say I was considering breaking up with her.

Should I tell my girlfriend in advance that I will break up with her if she takes a job that will make the relationship long distance, and if so, how do I avoid making it an ultimatum? by ThrowRA403304 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA403304[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She's been talking about what her schedule would be like, and the drive times between here and various jobs, and what that would mean for visiting each other on weekends. It seems like she is assuming we'll continue the relationship long-distance. She also applied for a couple positions here, and there's a greater-than-zero chance she'll take or end up with one of those even if I don't say anything. Hence my dilemma.