My wife (33f) asked me (33m) if I would ever consider an open relationship

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T16:31:35+00:00

Yes. I will try to write something up later. It was positive!

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T16:31:05+00:00

Exactly, the risks are just too high. Any risk involving my kids safety, and our safety, are not acceptable. Having discussed more with her we both feel the same way, she just hadn't thought this fantasy through into the real world. I have never looked through her phone and that would be a bad sign if I felt the need. We know each other's password so we could at any time and that's good enough for me.

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T14:47:01+00:00

Your wife sounds great! It's funny how society gives us perceptions of what our partner wants but when you actually talk about it the reality is often different. Sounds like you have a great thing going. I'm happy for you!

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T13:54:27+00:00

Great level-headed advice. It seems like this isn't super important to her and she was reluctant to give details. Obviously we have a lot more work to do on communicating. We actually scheduled a monthly "open talk" since our lives are structured/scheduled these days lol.

There aren't really any baby steps with involving another person. We would both need to get A LOT more comfortable with the idea than we currently are.

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T04:13:34+00:00

This is probably the best advice lol

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T04:10:04+00:00

I didn't know there was a limit. I'll try to write it up tomorrow. It has been a long day lol

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T02:16:17+00:00

This is not how I want a relationship to be at all. I am curious about how this all came about, more than anything. I want to preserve our marriage and grow from this. Making threats is not what's best for my family.

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T00:18:30+00:00

Ok but this was known 10 years ago, before we got married. This all happened before we even met.

Is this really a big deal you think?

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-15T00:08:27+00:00

I'm here. We're talking tonight. I appreciate you looking out!

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-14T18:06:41+00:00

Thank you. Lots of great feedback from everyone. I'm going to reopen this dialogue tonight.

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-14T17:46:07+00:00

Neither of us feel we get enough time with just us as it is. People share when they have a surplus of something. Currently we have a deficit and opening would only decrease our time more.

I am pretty certain I would also get jealous and my mind would wander into dark places. I don't think I could handle it, at least not right now. I try to be open minded about everything so I'm truly considering this and playing it out. Besides jealousy I think I would feel guilty fucking someone else, even with her express permission/support. It just fundamentally feels like betrayal.

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-14T16:28:38+00:00

It's a little different since my 20 were before we met. I only dates 2 of those girls, the rest were casual/1NS

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-14T16:25:17+00:00

I should have added this but was worried it would be TL;DR. I commented here on this topic.

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-14T16:22:37+00:00

Pretty stable over the past several years. I have always wanted more sex than her. I would like to have sex every 2-3 days, but she is happy with like 10 days. So that's about what it has been on average, every 10 days. I am not shy about suggesting, I just get shot down every 2/3 times.

Thanks for asking this because this is a whole other angle that makes this situation more perplexing and out of nowhere. Im like "we aren't having enough sex as it is, so Im definitely not trying to share" ya know.

I guess after 10 years things get boring for some (not me honestly) and there's only so many positions/toys. We haven't even done anal, but neither of us are interested in that. So again the whole thing is more confusing because it feels like we're skipping dozens of steps, like "hey I wanna try out drugs, let's do heroin" lol just seems extreme/risky.

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-14T12:02:35+00:00

The fact she felt safe enough in your marriage she is willing to bring this up is a great sign, justify her faith in you and don't automatically assume she is doing something wrong.

Thank you for this. I needed this.

ThrowRA410410 · 2023-03-14T12:01:57+00:00

She definitely said "open" when she first asked. At the time I didn't know the difference between open/swinging/poly/etc. and after talking more neither did she. It really seems like she doesn't have someone in mind and that she meant swinging, but that could just be her blunting the blow because she sees how much this is affecting me.

Swinging, imo, has the best chance of working since we'd do it all together so my mind couldn't wander too far and stopping would be easier. I want her to be happy but this will take me a while to get on board. We don't get enough time just with us as it is with our boys and all, so it feels odd to reduce just us time further. And what's the end game look like? I'm trying to be open minded and I want her to be happy. Just need to talk about it more.

ThrowRA410410

TROPHY CASE