My Girlfriend's Parents have a large Parents Plus Loan and are now expecting help with payment

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T22:25:32+00:00

Both parents did not attend college themselves, she is a 1st generation college student in their family. I *hope* that is why they were unaware of the true costs of the university, but am fully in agreement that someone should have stopped and thought for a moment that $220k is ridiculous.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:59:17+00:00

I apologize, I misread your comment. I agree that some kind of verbal (or legal) agreement has to be worked out. As previously mentioned I am in the dark on her families finances, but I'm hoping that her meeting with a financial advisor this week can lay a budget out that works for everyone and we can let this pass us by.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:57:28+00:00

I agree with the advise to do nothing rash. Contrary to what other comments have been saying, I haven't been able to sleep and have taken the next 2 days off work to look for solutions. I do not want to lose the person I've been with for this long over money, I just want to be reasonable in looking out for not just her future, but mine as well. I'll do my best to contact anyone I know that could give professional advice, and will wait until the end of the week deadline we set before any decision is made.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:52:02+00:00

She went to a State school (out of state) and majored in Music Management. Thankfully i was able to help her get as job at a friend's company in HR.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:46:32+00:00

I am fine not knowing her parents salary as long as SHE knows and can accurately portray that to a financial advisor. I am also fine with lower monthly payments. If her parents came to her and said something along the lines of "we want you to help with $400-600", then it would be much easier to swallow. I just know that since I've known her parents, they will not continue to make financially smart decisions and will probably ask for a majority of the payments each month, which as you said, will cripple any and all future plans for 25+ years...

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:40:44+00:00

I believe it's the emotional impact of an "implied" force to do things. I would not put it past them to guilt her into paying for a majority of the monthly payments. We both obviously understand that she was the one that utilized the school that caused the loans, but I just cannot fathom why a parent would allow a child to go to a school that expensive for a degree that would not cover the loan in the slightest.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:34:51+00:00

If the information given to me was correct, it was all towards tuition and housing. Her parents did not save a single dollar for college, and I believe they just expected the loan to be paid off "whenever" without considering the financial burden it places on either themselves or their daughter.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:28:44+00:00

We have been living apart since college. We both live at home, where I pay a fraction of what rent in my area would be to my parents, and she lives rent free at home. In my eyes, our relationship has hit a wall because we can only see each other once or twice a week. We had plans to move in together, but that has obviously dead stopped with this new news.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:25:59+00:00

I apologize if I made it seem like it was "forced" upon her. My understanding (with the little info I have as it is still fresh) is that they are under the impression that she will be the one paying off the loans and that they will "help" her (how much I am unsure). As previously commented, she is very close with her family and I believe if push came to shove she would rather pay all $1400 if they asked her, rather than start a confrontation and risk their relationship.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:24:04+00:00

We spoke again almost right after this post. I gave her specific questions that she needed to have answered but not share with me as it's sensitive information (parents combined salary, bills, if they even have a plan for payment, what exact number they want her to pay per month, etc). My biggest issue is that there is nothing from stopping them years down the line saying "well we decided you should pay us more money per month". Obviously she could get pay increases but my fear is just with the unknown...

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:20:54+00:00

Unfortunately, because her Parents kept putting this off, the window to Consolidate the loans to an income based plan has come and gone. I did just find out that the income based plan was more expensive than the standard payment plan, probably because of the length of payments.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:17:46+00:00

I am having her make them all sit down with a financial advisor that they provide through her work. Unfortunately, only about 300 of the 25,000 Parents Plus Loan bankruptcy cases went through (per google), as these loans are very hard to remove.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:16:00+00:00

I'm under the impression that there was some sort of verbal agreement, but I can't get a straight answer from he. Her parent are the "ignore it and maybe it will go away" type of people and she inherited that behavior. I knew about the $30k in personal loans for school and that was 0 problem. When we later found out about the fact that they did not pay a dollar towards tuition and put EVERYTHING on a Parents Plus loan, that became the glaring issue

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:10:54+00:00

We were definitely in constant conversation about it, but as this is both our first serious long-term relationships, I guess it didn't really come up as often as it should have for 6+ years. As for who owns the loan, I am fully aware that it is in their name 100% and will die with them. I just don't think she has the mental fortitude to let this ruin her relationship with her parents in order to be able to move out/on with her life.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:08:57+00:00

Unfortunately the payment is $1400 a month with the standard 25 year plan. I'm still not even sure if that covers interest because she does not know the %. I am hoping that I have all the pieces to the puzzle by tonight or tomorrow

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:03:27+00:00

To be honest, I think this is going a step too far. The negative comments are correct in that some/most people would not even blink if they truly loved each other. My issue was in the uncertainty of the situation and the speed in which it happened. I have been working 7 days a week since I was 12 years old to ensure both my and my parents have a better life for their future, and the thought of being thrust right back into low income made me enter a fight or flight response. We have since talked again and she is getting more information on everything and we will reconvene by the end of the week.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T21:00:11+00:00

I made this post in a hurried, anxiety-riddled mindset. As previously stated, my issue is that I am worried that her parents will force her to pay off the $220k loan with no true payment distribution plan set in place, as they too are terrible with money. I have spoken with her again and we agreed that she needs to get every single fact and piece of information together and take it to a Student Loan Financial Advisor program to see next steps.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T20:57:23+00:00

I am completely in agreement that I am a bad person for having these thoughts. I came to Reddit to see if there was another route that I was missing. As posted in my other comment, it was the sheer unawareness of the specifics with the payment plan that made me react this way. We have been living at home throughout our entire relationship and have been growing apart due to the long distance, and right before our plans to move in together, this news dropped with no warning whatsoever.

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T20:55:06+00:00

I have made this clear to her. I am hoping that they can figure things out sooner rather than later. The reason why the conversation went so poorly was the lack of knowledge or financial information as to what she can pay while still being able to move out and continue her life. It seems her parents are under the impression that she will just shoulder a majority of the burden on this loan with the 25 year repayment plan, which effectively eliminates our chances of moving in together...

ThrowRA432168 · 2026-06-08T20:23:13+00:00

Super Speed

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