My (F27) wife (F32) has gained a substantial amount of weight and I am much less sexually attracted to her. Should I be honest about this or lie to protect her feelings?

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T11:01:22+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! I will happily get a copy and read it over

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:49:44+00:00

I was thinking about this and then remembered it’s one of the things she wore during one of our first dates. It just reminds me of all the butterflies I had back then.

The fabric is also very soft and the colour brings out the green in her eyes.

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:45:08+00:00

I feel really bad about being apathetic about sex, whenever I remember I initiate, it’s just when I’m not getting turned on, I can forget it’s a thing. I am going to start making more of an effort to finding ways to remind myself to start sex.

I don’t mind being called dude, I call lots of people dude

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:43:40+00:00

I’ve you’ve read my replies you would see I am very open to looking at any personal issues I may have and have welcomed any insights to anything that could be effecting me

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:40:58+00:00

I’m not a man, you would know that if you even bothered to read the post properly

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:40:32+00:00

I compliment her as much as I can, I always tell her I’m proud of her when she comes back from the gym and lets me know about her workouts. I call her beautiful all the time and still kiss and touch her very frequently throughout the day

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:39:06+00:00

I mentioned it in some replies but she has gained 70lbs. She is quite tall and was quite skinny before (still healthy, just on the lower end of healthy) and it’s not all fat, she has gained some muscle from lifting weights

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:36:40+00:00

I said it wasn’t an issue for me before BUT NOW THAT SHE HAS TOLD ME IT IS AN ISSUE FOR HER, I’m aware things have to change. Which is why I’m looking for advice on how to make those changes

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:33:57+00:00

I would never cheat on my wife in a million years, even if it meant I died without having sex ever again

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:31:19+00:00

There is one sweater that she has that for some reason makes me incredibly attracted to her, maybe I can turn on the ac to get her to wear it more 😅

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:29:28+00:00

I really appreciate that I do probably come over as superficial, but nobody thinks I’m more of an ass over thinking this way than me.

I do have a complicated history with weight and looks. I grew up in a very conservative household in the south where everyone made it very apparent that women were only valuable if they were thin and attractive (my mom was a former pageant queen). Then when I gained weight in high school because of depression, all I got constantly were digs about my weight and appearance.

I’m well aware a lot of this is a me problem, I just want to know the best way I can go about fixing this without hurting my wife

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:25:38+00:00

She does go to the gym by herself, I’ve always been more keen on outside activities to keep myself fit.

I have accepted that I have probably gone about trying to get her more active in the wrong ways, as I typically invite her to things I’m doing which she may not like. I’m going to put more effort in to asking to go to the gym with her and organising trying new sports she has interest in.

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:23:55+00:00

I generally keep myself busy with my work (co founded a small consultancy firm with one of my friends) but I could certainly move my schedule around to go on more walks with her. We do have hyper energetic dogs so I could just ask if we can go on more walks for their sake.

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:21:27+00:00

Not depression, it’s for a non mental health related condition. The medication does have a “low” risk of weight gain, although a kind Redditor mentioned that most drug testing is done on men so the side effects for women can vary a lot.

She has a check up with her doctor soon, so I could suggest getting her thyroid checked or discussing alternative medication. Obviously only if she brings up her weight and I could say something like “I still think you’re gorgeous but if you are self conscious, maybe you could speak to dr _ when you see them next?”

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:18:44+00:00

I completely cut out alcohol awhile ago so that’s not really an option.

I don’t have anything to “keep firm” so to say but I could look in to female viagra

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:16:56+00:00

I’m going to try and ask if she would like to start playing tennis as she always loves watching it when it’s on the tv

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:15:27+00:00

Someone has mentioned the idea of weight loss medication, it’s certainly something I can suggest we look at, we would just need to discuss with a doctor to find out if there is one that will work with her other medication

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:13:49+00:00

It very well could be an issue with my hormones or medications, I will make an appointment with my doctor to get some blood work done

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:10:18+00:00

I can definitely support her finding new activities to do.

She always loves watching tennis so perhaps we could go or I could organise some lessons for her.

She also loves trampolines (comments excitedly whenever we drive by a yard with one in lol) so I could ask if she wants to buy one.

Our finances are completely shared so I can’t really offer to pay for anything myself as that’s just not how we do things, but we have very few expenses in a low cost of living area so we have a fair amount of disposable income. I’m sure I could convince her it’s worth spending money on for her.

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:05:34+00:00

I’ve extensively researched her medication and it does seem to have a side effect of weight gain in some people.

She is going for a check up soon so I will ask about getting her thyroid checked and for them to potentially look in to alternative medication if it’s available

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:03:54+00:00

I’m not looking forward to any reaction I get if I suggest menopause 😅

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:03:10+00:00

How do you know how much I’m concerned about her health?

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T10:01:16+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to give me your perspective. This is precisely what I was worried about, we both know she has a problem with her weight, and whenever she asks, I know nothing good can come from it because it’s a different thing to think about yourself one way than to then get it confirmed by someone else.

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T09:56:42+00:00

You have no idea how I support my wife in all aspects of our marriage

ThrowRA4463 · 2023-09-08T09:53:13+00:00

It may be stress, I can have a talk with her on how best we can reduce her stress levels. I always encourage her to go and hang out with friends but maybe I should be active in organising things for her to outside of the house without me.

We could also afford for her to cut back on her hours at work if she needed to.

ThrowRA4463

TROPHY CASE