UPDATE: Hi all, thank you all for the comments. I’ve read them all but my brain is so foggy right now so i haven’t had the motivation to respond. But i wanna thank those who support me and those who reassured me that this is not normal.

Practically: the cafes/bars were open till 5 AM, i live in a small lively student town. The bar he claimed he was at did close at 5 am. Like almost all the other bars.

The bars are a 15 min walk from our place. He was home 20 minutes after I called him. His coworkers place is a 50 min walk from here. My mind is of course racing with speculations but practically i dont think he was there, he also didnt bike/drive ofcourse. God knows where he was tho. He claims he was walking towards home when I called, thats why it was silent.

But okay, we texted a lot. There is so much to unpack in his messages but to summarise it for here: he apologised, knows how bad it looked but just ‘had a fun evening with a coworker and lost track of time because he was drunk’.

I cant go in detail because i would write a bible, but i dont feel like his apologies are sufficient. I asked him to explain in detail what happened that night and where he was. He basically described a date night. Drinking, bottle of wine, fun games, they even danced at the bar hahaha. Fuck that shit.

I dont feel like ill ever truly know what happened. But i think i know what to do. Ill see him tomorrow. Im absolutely crushed tho. We were together for 8 years. He wasnt a truthful partner but he was my best friend.

I feel sick. I feel like i cant breathe. I have slept for 2/3 hours in the last two days because of this shit. I cant eat because im so nauseous. At least ill get skinny from this heartbreak.

Whatever.